


Remember

by KnowledgeOfNonsense



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Amnesia, Anxiety Attacks, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Frustration, Fury is kind of an ass in this?, Hurt/Comfort, Interrogation, Kidnapped, Love, Love Triangle, Memories slowly return, Memory Loss, Pregnant Reader, Rage, Re-experiencing everything, Recovered Memories, Romance, Sarcasm, Steve is adorable, Violent Outbursts, lots of fluffy fluff, weird sense of humor
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-15
Updated: 2017-04-17
Packaged: 2018-03-22 23:03:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 31
Words: 77,684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3746854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KnowledgeOfNonsense/pseuds/KnowledgeOfNonsense
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><br/>After an accident during a mission, you ended up in a coma for over a month.<br/>Unfortunately, your memory is completely gone...including the memories you shared with the man you slowly fell in love with over the few years you spent as an agent.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Goodmorning Sunshine.

Everything was dark, but no matter how hard you struggled, you just couldn't open your eyes. Losing track of time was easy in the emptiness of your mind, as you couldn't seem to process any flicker of a thought. If you had any questions, they didn't stay long enough to be noticed. All that seemed to be present in your head was the constant acknowledgement of darkness. Every so often you would hear voices - voices you knew you should recognize but just couldn't match to a face or name. Your name was mentioned more often than not, but you never remembered what was said, nor remembered the amount of worry in the voices that had been heard. There was often one particular voice you heard, a voice that if you'd been able to notice, should have had your heart beating rapidly. The reason for that? You had no clue, but it was a dull comfort - a distant feeling of a memory you knew you should have held close to your heart, but had been erased from your mind.

In what could have been mere minutes, or months of being in the dark, your eyebrows knit together, as you heard a faint beeping noise. To your annoyance, it seemed to be getting louder, but the steady pattern of the beep didn't change. You let out a groan of frustration, only to have the muscles in your torso scream in protest from the simple act of letting out air with a bit of soft noise. You winced, trying to keep still as the pain slowly ebbed away, but to your dismay your body tensed up instead. After lying there for a few moments, your slowly opened your eyes. It was as if there were 200lb weights tied to your eyelids, and the amount of effort it took for you to finally lift them was pathetic.

When you finally achieved your goal, you frowned in confusion. You were in a brightly lit room that smelled like a hospital. You slowly moved your gaze around, your (e/c) eyes landing on the culprit of the constant beeping - a heart monitor machine. There were several tubes protruding from the machine, and you followed those tubes to where they ended, which was your arm. You were hooked up to an IV fluid bag that was half empty, a life support machine, and had a pulse monitor hooked up to your left index finger. It was then you realized that you also had breathing tubes inside your nose. Out of sheer panic you pulled the tubes out of your nostrils, then unhooked the rest of the tubes connected to your arm. As you were rapidly tugging at all of the cords, your muscles begged for you to stop, burning with every movement. You ignored the protests and swung your legs over the side of the single bed.

It was almost as if it were your instinct to get out of that room, not knowing that you were in a safe place and not in enemy territory or any danger whatsoever. You were dressed in a pale blue hospital gown that reached your knees, and judging by the cold that hit the soles of your feet as they touched the ground, you had no socks on. You took in everything that surrounded you - from the liquid that was dripping out of the IV after you pulled it out, to the sunlight filtering through the curtains on the only window in the room. You weren't too sure why you were so aware of every detail, but you didn't think to question it.

As you stood, making sure to keep your hands on the bed behind you for support, your legs trembled uncontrollably. It took you a solid minute to finally have enough confidence in your standing abilities to take a small step. Thankfully, you didn't collapse. As you slowly made your way forward, you noticed for the first time just how silent your movements were - as if your body were trained to constantly be as quiet as possible. You didn't take long to reach the door, and stretched your right arm out, slowly twisting the knob. You heard an almost undetectable "click" and you pulled the door's handle toward you, silently opening the door.

The hall that lay before you was empty, but had the same lighting and eerily clean air to it. You slipped out of the room you had been in, and made your way down the hall. Even though you had such a stealthy way of walking, the sound of your bare feet hitting the ground seemed to echo through the hallway. The length of the corridor seemed to go on forever, until you reached the end and were standing in front of a large elevator door. Without any pause to consider what would happen, you pressed the elevator button. You watched as the number above the door slowly went higher, until it stopped at 22 - your floor.

As the elevator dinged and the door slid open, you found yourself face to face with a tall, well built man. His hand, that had been running through his neatly cut blonde hair froze, and his sky blue gaze widened at the sight of you.

"Y/n?" The man whispered, almost sounding as if he didn't believe his eyes.

Y/n...why did that name sound so familiar to you? You didn't even have a few seconds to try and figure out why that name rung a bell, due to you being enveloped in a painful hug. The man had pulled you to his chest, his chin resting on the top of your head. You could feel his heartbeat through his chest, which you had rested your cheek against. The embrace didn't last long, because your body took over and you squirmed out of his grasp, scrambling back to a wall, looking at him with wide, uncertain eyes. Who was this guy, and why did he think you knew him? You quickly raised your arms, your hands balled into fists in a defensive stance, but the man only looked at you with his eyebrows knit together and a look of concern on his face.

He stepped forward, both hands raised with his palms facing your direction, trying to show he meant you know harm. His expression flickered into one that resembled a puppy that was kicked, but quickly returned to the gaze of concern.

"Y/n, it's me, Steve, I won't hurt you." He said softly, as though if he spoke in a louder tone he'd scare you off...or worse, show just how shaky his voice would be at that level.

However, even with his best intention to keep you calm, you'd move further down the wall with every step toward you he took. Eventually, you were in a corner. The man who called himself Steve, was about 3 feet away from you, keeping his distance. After a few moments of just looking at him, you darted away from him, ducking under his arm that had tried to reach out at you to prevent you from running. You made a mad dash for the elevator, quickly slipping in and slamming your hand on the "close door" button, along with the "1st floor" button.

Despite his best efforts, Steve didn't reach the door in time, the elevator closing and slowly making it's decent to the first floor. You leaned against the left wall of the elevator, taking a few deep breaths. Suddenly, the descent was interrupted. The Elevator stopped around the 17th floor, and a voice sounded over speakers.

"Well well well, good morning sunshine! Glad you decided to finally move your lazy ass out of the sick ward. Capsicle's been moping around for weeks after how you-OW!" A sharp smack was heard over the intercom, interrupting the sarcastic male voice. It was quickly replaced with another voice - still male, but much quieter and not as aggravating.

"Don't mind Tony Y/n, We've got Steve going down the stairs to meet you with Clint and Natasha. So just try to sit tight okay?"

As if on cue, the elevator's doors opened, and The man you'd tried so hard to flee from was standing on the other side, along with a redheaded woman who looked like a panther - a stunning creature, but deadly if tested. You assumed she was Natasha, since the voice of the speakers had said they were going to meet you, and she was the only female there. Finally, hanging behind the two was a man who you decided was Clint, with bright blue eyes, short spiky dirty blonde hair, and an archery bow on his back. Everyone had a serious expression on their face as they stared at you, and Steve took a hesitant step forward, looking a bit desperate.

Although you noticed it seemed to be of his best intent, you stepped back, your eyes resembling that of a cornered animal - panicked and not afraid to fight to get away alive.  
"G-get away from me!" you managed to say, after being silent for so long. You realized just how dry your mouth was, your voice raspy and tight. Steve froze, looking over his shoulder at Natasha and Clint pleadingly. Finally, Natasha stepped forward, raising her hands to show she wasn't going to harm you, as Steve had tried to do previously. You eyed her warily, your gaze rapidly jumping from person to person, not wanting to let your guard down.

"Y/n, do you remember anything about what happened 5 weeks ago?"

You frowned, looking at each of them in confusion. After a moment of silence, you shook your head. "I don't know what you're talking about, who are you people?" You asked, the last part of your sentence coming out much more demanding than you intended. They each exchanged a look of worry with each other, before turning their attention back to you, this time, Clint spoke.

"Looks like the accident caused more damage to her head than we thought..." He mumbled, shaking his head.

Damage to your head? What was the hell was THAT supposed to mean? You clenched your fists in frustration, your jaw going stiff as you glared at the one who basically said you had brain damage. Almost in a last attempt to keep you calm, Steve stepped forward again. reaching out and gently laying his hand on your shoulder. Your frame, which was slightly under what you normally weighed due to being bed-ridden for the apparent past 5 weeks, seemed so frail in comparison to his muscular build. You shuddered, trying to shy away from him, but he held you still.

"Please come with us to see Dr Banner, Ma'am. You need to be checked over now that you're awake..." He said, trying hard not to make you uncomfortable.

You wondered why he suddenly decided to start calling you ma'am, when he'd originally called you by your first name. You decided to push the thought aside, as now wasn't the time for silly little things you noticed about these people so far. Even with your desperate need to refuse and get out of this place, you found yourself giving in, too tired from your adventure so soon from being in a coma, and yearning to know where you were, who you were, and who these people were.

Your shoulders slumped as you exhaled slowly through your mouth. You nodded slightly, keeping your gaze fixed on your bare feet. They all nodded, glad you complied, and filed into the elevator with you, bringing it up to floor 21. You followed them as they stepped out, noticing often that Steve would try to sneak a look back at you in hopes nobody would notice, but you did every time, your senses much keener than someone fresh out of a coma ought to be.

Eventually, you reached a large door, and it slide open when Clint walked up to it, everyone following him. It looked like a large conference room, and sitting at a table were several, very different people. There was a man with dark brown hair with matching facial hair, and a cocky air about him, who was wearing a shirt that said "Genius Playboy Billionaire Philanthropist" on the front. Then there was another man, who had glasses and a more quiet sense to him. On the left of him, sat a pair of the weirdest people you'd seen so far. A large, muscular man with long blonde hair and twinkling blue eyes, who was dressed in what seemed to be armor, which was red, brown, and gold. Next to him, sat a lithe, pale fellow with long raven black hair, also dressed in armor, only his was green, black and gold.

When those in the room noticed your presence, there was silence. You swore you could hear a pin drop from the floor above you due to the atmosphere so suddenly turning quiet. The one who broke the silence, was the large man with the blonde hair. He had a toothy grin on his face as he stood up, spreading his arms as he started to walk your way.

"Lady Y/n! It is a relief to see you have awoken!" He boomed, the volume of his voice making you flinch.

This wasn't normal. Despite not remembering anything of who you were or where you could possibly be, you didn't seem like the flinchy type. It felt unnatural to be so skittish. You took a step back as the man approached, backing into Steve, who had been standing behind you. He didn't move away from you, but didn't offer any other form of contact, afraid to earn another bad reaction as before.

"Thor, she uh...She doesn't remember...anything from the looks of it." Steve spoke toward the burly man who was now known to you as Thor, trying to keep his voice even and in a softer tone, as he'd noticed your flinching at Thor's sudden outburst.

Thor froze, looking confused. He looked at you, meeting your gaze, then turned to look at the man with the long black hair.

"Loki...Brother, can you retrieve her lost mind?" Thor demanded, earning another flinch from you as his loud tone reached your ears again.

Steve reached down, briefly laying his hand on your shoulder in attempt to calm you down a bit. Surprisingly it did, and you relaxed your shoulders slightly, breathing out the air you hadn't realized you were holding. Loki raised an eyebrow slightly as he eyed you up and down, then stood. His motion was smooth, elegant even, and before you knew it he was standing in front of you.

"I suppose I can attempt to regain some of her memories, but it would be best if she were asleep during the process, I don't care to be interrupted." Loki said, his voice as smooth as his way of moving.

You tilted your head to the left ever so slightly, looking at this man with suspicion. You had assumed he would wait until you were back in a bed and were asleep before he'd start, but he reached out and placed his palm on your forehead. Everything went black, not even having the time to know if you were collapsing or not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my very first attempt at writing any sort of Fanfic, and I hope the first chapter was not too disappointing for you guys!
> 
> Constructive criticism is highly appreciated, and you can be as blunt as your heart desires, I just want to improve with writing! Please let me know if you've seen any typos in my writing!
> 
> Thanks so much!


	2. Pig headed.

You were getting pretty tired of being in the dark, but at least this time you were aware of what had happened. You mentally cursed that suave man, Loki. After what only seemed like a few moments, your eyes were open and you were laying on a couch in what seemed to be a Bar or Lounge.

You blinked the sleep from your eyes and looked to where a figure was kneeling beside you. He was shaking his head, a small smirk splayed across his lips.

"I'm a pigheaded little what?" Loki asked, obviously amused at your previous attempt to get your anger out while unconscious. 

You knit your eyebrows together, shooting him a glare.

"How did you know that?" You demanded, your shoulders tensing as you sat up.

Loki let out a chuckle, shaking his head.

"My dear, I was inside your mind searching for your pesky memories that everyone seems to care so deeply about." He said, as if it were an obvious answer.

You clenched your fists in anger - deciding you really didn't like this guy. You held yourself back though, having to bite your tongue in order to stay silent.  
Steve burst into the room, looking at Loki begrudgingly. 

"Well, did it work?" He asked, the tone of his voice tight and worried. 

You looked in Steve's direction, wondering why he always seemed to be so protective of you. You made brief eye contact when he looked at you, but you quickly looked away.  
Loki just shook his head, shrugging his shoulders as he leaned against the wall. 

"From what I can tell, something is blocking her from remembering. It's not an invasive device stopping her, it is from her own subconscious, probably a defense mechanism." Said Loki. 

He sounded so calm as he told Steve that, not even the slightest bit of concern was shown or heard. 

Steve's shoulders went from straight to slouching slightly, looking defeated...an expression that for some reason made you unhappy. You didn't like seeing him look lost, and you were the one with no memory of him in the first place...you were the reason for his worry.

You looked down, shaking your head, then looked at Steve.

"Is there anywhere I can go outside and get some fresh air?" You asked, the question coming out as more of a desperate whisper. 

Steve looked relatively surprise, but a small, melancholy smile soon appeared on his face. You managed a small smile as well.  
"We should probably get you some different clothes on first." He said, looking away quickly. You noticed that his cheeks had turned slightly pinker. He cleared his throat, quickly running his hands through his hair.

Loki smirked, rolling his eyes. He made eye contact with you, and then waved his hand. He was gone from the wall he had been leaning on, some sort of green mist left where he had been, but that was also slowly dissipating. 

You scrambled off of the couch, moving as far away from the mist as you could.

"What the HELL was that?" You asked, looking at Steve with wide eyes.

Steve held back a chuckle, your reaction had been kind of priceless.

"Loki has a bit of a thing for theatrical entrances and exits." He said simply, smiling down at you. 

You looked away, biting your lip. Steve noticed and cleared his throat.

"Come on, let's go get your clothes." He said, then started toward the elevator. Once he reached it he pressed the 'up' button, then waited.

You walked over, suddenly a bit too aware of how the hospital gown didn't even reach your knees. You quickly tugged on it a bit, for some reason trying to stretch the material, but it didn't work. You looked over at Steve, only to find that he was watching you with a small smile on his lips. You felt your cheeks grow hot, and you quickly looked away.

"why are these things so damn short?" You asked, meaning for it to be a rhetorical question, but Steve actually answered.

"Your legs are always too warm so we got you a bit of a shorter one." He said, scratching the back of his head awkwardly. 

You were going to ask how he knew that, but the elevator dinged, and the doors slid open. Steve gestured for you to step in first, and you did, waiting for him. He pressed a button for the 31st floor. You knit your eyebrows together, biting your lip slightly.

"Where are you going to get clothes for me?" You asked, looking over at him. 

Steve smiled slightly, looking down at you.

"You have your own room here...not that you'd remember but you've got a bunch of stuff." He said with a shrug, turning his attention to the button panel beside the doors.

You found yourself looking him over. How on Earth did he manage to get that body? He must have been doing push ups in the womb to achieve that. When he looked over at you, you quickly looked down, staring at your bare feet, and you could feel your cheeks flaming. The elevator dinged, and you looked up, seeing you two were on the 31st floor. You followed Steve out as he led you down a hall. 

He kept looking back at you, obviously trying not to be obvious. You seemed to be completely attuned to every movement, something you didn't understand but welcomed. It felt right to be able to have keen senses. 

After Steve snuck many glances, you finally looked him dead in the eye, your eyebrows raised with your arms crossed over your chest.

"Why do you keep looking at me?" You asked, wanting to know what he was thinking.

Steve paused, looking unsure as to if he should or should not tell you. After a moment of silence, he finally spoke.

"I uh...you just look so much more different...than before the accident and everything." He murmured, almost too quiet for you to hear..but you managed to hear him.  
You looked up at him in confusion, tilting your head a bit and watching him with narrowed eyes.

"What even happened to me?" You whispered, your voice a bit shaky still. He was about to answer you, opening his mouth to speak, but decided against it. He stopped walking, gesturing to a door with "Y/n, don't come in unless you want your ass kicked." plastered across the flat surface of the door. 

"Here, I'll wait out here..." Steve said, not meeting your gaze. You frowned, still wanting your previous question answered, but decided you wanted pants or something on first. 

You took a deep breath and twisted the handle, going into the room...your room, and shutting the door behind you.

You took in your surroundings. You frowned, then started looking around. This was more of a suite than just a room. There was a small kitchen, a living room, what looked to be a bathroom, and then a short hallway. You went down the hall, finding an open door at the end, then you peeked inside. There was a large, very comfy looking bed, a night table on each side. The furniture was all a dark dark brown type of wood, and the bedspread was black and white, kind of like a zebra pattern. There was a large walk-in closet as well, but what really caught your attention was the corner of the room. There was a stack of books, a zebra patterned beanbag chair, and what looked like hundreds of photos taped to the walls, reaching up to the ceiling. 

Abandoning your original plan to go and get clothes, you went to the corner, looking at the pictures. You reached out and touched one that was on the right wall of where the corners met. It was at a level where if you sat on the beanbag chair and looked to the right, it was at perfect eye level. This photo was slightly larger than the others, and you bit your lip as you inspected it.

There were two boys in the background, flying a kite together, and there was a stray Frisbee flying through the air. Several pairs of people were walking around, and there was even a picnic under a large tree. 

What really caught your attention though, was You and Steve, sitting on a bench. He had his arm around you grinning as he looked down at you. You were looking back at him, your tongue sticking out as though he'd been teasing you about something. You looked much healthier in the photo, but it was still definitely you. The two of you together...it looked so carefree. The moment perfectly frozen in time.

You realized that there were tears streaming down your cheeks, but didn't know why. Was it the picture? Was there a sad meaning behind it that you'd forgotten? Or were you just scared about not being able to remember anything? You quickly wiped your face with your hands, hearing a knock on the door. 

Steve opened the door when there was no answer, then found you in your room, hastily trying to hide your face, but your tear stained cheeks weren't easy to miss. He quickly walked over to you, and pulled you into a gentle embrace. Unlike the last time, you didn't fight it, just rested your head on his chest and closed your eyes.  
Steve ran his hands through your hair, trying to calm you down a bit. After a few minutes of standing there, you pulled away, forcing a smile.

"Sorry...I just...this is really hard to process." You said, your voice not as shaky as you expected. You gestured to the corner with the photos. 

Steve let out a small laugh, shaking his head. "You know, this is the first time I've actually been in here." He said, looking at the wall curiously. 

You found that odd, tilting your head. You didn't remember anything about him, but from the photo and how he always seemed so concerned for you, you had a feeling you two had been close friends at least. He raised an eyebrow, and you gestured to the wall.

"You can go look while I change then..." You said, then frowned. It felt almost like you were inviting someone to trespass into someone else's private stuff, even though it was yours, it didn't feel like it belonged to you. Steve knit his eyebrows together, looking at you questioningly.

"You sure?" He asked, and you nodded with a smile. He walked over to the corner, and you turned to disappear to the closet, closing the sliding door behind you.

It took you a few moments to pick out what to wear, as everything was pretty messy. You smiled, shaking your head at the sloppiness of the small room. Even with all this space, you were a slob? Great. Eventually, you changed into a pair of grey skinny jeans, a plain white v-neck t-shirt, and a black pair of converse sneakers. You looked in the full size mirror at the back of the closet and frowned. Everything was one size too big, but it wasn't too bad. 

You took a shaky breath, then left the closet, stopping when you saw Steve on his toes, examining one of the higher up photos. You couldn't help but smile slightly at the sight. He was a tall guy, so seeing him have to stretch up like that was kind of a funny thing to witness. You cleared your throat and he turned around, smiling sadly.

"Ready to go outside then?" He asked, putting his hands in his pockets. You nodded slightly, glancing at the photo wall again, wondering how you'd managed to tape them up so high.

The two of you left your room, making your way back to the elevator. Once the doors opened and you stepped inside, Steve pressed a button. You were surprised when you saw it was a button for the top floor, as you'd assumed you'd be going to the bottom floor to be outside. Steve seemed to notice your confusion, and was about to say something, when there was a loud screeching sound, and a lurch, the elevator shaking. You were thrown toward Steve, grateful that he managed to catch you.

The lights flickered, and the Elevator stopped, a creaking noise still being heard. You looked up at Steve with wide, terrified eyes. He shook his head, going to the panel and pressing a button, marked "emergency call" but nothing happened...

The power was out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big thank you to the Kudos and comments on the previous chapter! 
> 
> As before, please let me know what you think and if there are any typos or anything wrong with the chapter!
> 
> Chapter 3 will be coming tomorrow night, or Saturday morning
> 
> Thank you :)


	3. Patty Cake and Sunsets.

You bit your lip as the elevator lights flickered rapidly. Didn't this place have a backup generator or something? It was HUGE after all, and you had a feeling whoever owned this place could afford some extra juice for the mandatory things in the building...like elevators for instance.

Steve sighed, staying near the panel as he turned to look at you, almost like he was waiting for something. You met his gaze, trying to ignore the clammy feeling in your hands and the trickle of sweat going down the back of your neck. 

You felt like a trapped animal. Your reaction to being caged in a not-so-spacious box dangling 31 stories from the ground seemed like a familiar one, as if this had happened to you before. You leaned back, tilting your head up as you pressed the back of your head to the cool metal of the wall. You squeezed your eyes shut, taking some deep breaths.

Steve cleared his throat, then spoke. "You're claustrophobic...I was curious to see if you uh...would still be even after the accident..." 

You frowned, opening your eyes and looked over at him, tilting your head.

"Well then, thanks for warning me pal." You said, your voice coming out more snarky than you intended. Your expression quickly changed, looking apologetic.

"I'm sorry...I just don't like this feeling." You said quickly, looking at your feet. Steve smiled slightly, chuckling.

"Your reactions to things are still the same...same sarcasm that would make Tony applaud you." He said, then stepped over to you. "Do you want me to show you what you usually would do to get past the uh...initial shock of being in tight spaces?"

You looked back up from the floor, meeting his gaze with a slightly desperate one. "What would I do that could help?" You asked, your voice also showing your desperation.

Steve smiled, gesturing for you to sit down. You did, and he sat down in front of you, crossing his legs. You did the same, then looked at him, waiting for him to say something else. You noticed his cheeks were slightly pink, but you didn't know why. He held up his hands, his palms facing you.

"So um...when you were little, your father would distract you...and your go to distraction was uh..." He trailed off, not meeting your gaze. You frowned, tilting your head to the side again as you watched him.

"What was it?" You pleaded, still feeling like the elevator was rapidly getting smaller, your breathing rapid. Steve sighed, reaching out and lifting your hands to mimic his. You didn't fight back, looking confused.

"It was Patty Cake...your father taught you it when you were little and you just kind of kept doing it after he..." Steve froze, shaking his head. "Nevermind, okay let's try this out then." He said, smiling slightly. You frowned, but decided to drop it, figuring you'd be able to get the answers you wanted sooner or later. 

After a few moments of distracting yourself with Patty Cake, which seemed to be a very calming thing for you, you lowered your hands and looked at Steve questioningly.

"Will you tell me what happened? That accident I mean..." You asked softly, noticing that he wouldn't meet your gaze.

"It was my fault...We were on a mission because of Hydra activity...and we ended up being separated." He paused, not sure if he wanted to continue, but after looking at your expression, he sighed and kept talking. "You ended up falling into a trap, and by the time...by the time I found you the explosion had knocked you out cold...I thought you were dead..." He said, his voice noticeably shaky. 

You looked at him, reaching out to put your hand on his shoulder gently, thinking it was your turn to comfort him. 

"It wasn't your fault...whatever I agreed to do...whatever my purpose was here, I probably signed up right? So I knew the risks." You said, trying to keep your voice steady. 

Steve looked like he was about to say something else, but the flickering lights in the elevator suddenly stabilized, a voice coming on over the speakers.

"Sorry to interrupt you two little lovebirds, but the power has been restored. Loki was being a little shit and decided to screw around with the generators." The voice was obviously Tony, who sounded a little out of breath. 

Steve stood up, reaching out and pulling you up as well when you took his hand. The Elevator started going up, heading for the roof again. You could feel your excitement growing at the thought of being outside in the fresh air. 

The elevator doors slid open, and a gust of wind hit you. You inhaled sharply, looking at Steve, then stepped out, looking around. The view was amazing...the city looked beautiful. You had lost track of time, but was almost grateful for it, as the sun was setting. The horizon was a brilliant display of pinks, reds, orange and yellow. You glanced over your shoulder to find Steve watching you with another sad smile on his lips. 

You tilted your head, then walked back to him and reached out for his hand. "Come on, watch the sunset with me." You said, then felt your cheeks quickly grow hot. You hoped that it just looked like the sky's colours reflecting off your face.

Steve smiled and walked with you to the edge of the roof where there was a railing, and you sat down with him. There was a bit of space between you two, and you decided to stay that way, not wanting to freak him out or anything. 

After about an hour, it was dark, the moon bright above you two. You hadn't spoken at all, just watched the sky changing. It was a nice experience, and you almost regretted having to go back inside, but there was no question when the mosquitoes came out. 

Steve walked you back to your room, stopping outside the door and running his hand through his hair, clearing his throat. 

"Well uh...have a good night Ma'am..." He said softly. You smiled nodding, then opened your door. You glanced back at him.

"Goodnight Steve." You said softly, then closed your door. You listened quietly, hearing him walking back down the hallway. Once the footsteps stopped, you went to the bathroom, deciding you really needed to shower.

You stripped out of your clothes, turning on the shower. Surprisingly, the temperature was perfect, and no adjusting was needed. It was almost like your body knew exactly what the tap needed to be turned to in order not to be burned, and not to be frozen. 

You stepped in the shower, letting out a sigh of relief as the warm water hit your body. You stayed in there for over an hour, just enjoying the feeling. 

Once you were clean, you stepped out and grabbed a towel, heading to your closet and grabbing a large t-shirt that reached your knees, and a pair of boyshort underwear. You quickly slipped it on, then went to the large bed in your room. You flopped down, burying your face in the pillow and inhaling the smell of clean sheets.

You were sweaty. Running as fast as you can with one goal in mind - getting away. You felt like your feet were led, and it was getting more and more difficult to lift them while running. You risked a glance behind you, a shadow catching up gradually. You were at the point of exaustion where your legs felt like they were no longer attached to your body. 

Suddenly, a strong hand grabbed you and pulled you back. You fell to your knees and slowly looked up, but it was too dark to see who was there...all that you saw was a dark shadow...and a pair of glinting black eyes.

It reached down, grabbing you by the neck and prepared to throw you. You let out a strangled scream, squeezing your eyes shut.

You shot up as Steve burst into your room, looking out of breath. You were trembling and a cold sweat was all over your body. He looked worried as he looked over at you. you realized as well that there were tears streaking down your face, and you quickly wiped them away, not meeting his gaze.

"Y/n, are you alright?" He asked, moving to the side of your bed and sitting down on the edge, keeping his gaze on you. You nodded, taking a shaky breath. 

"I'm sorry...I didn't...I didn't mean to wake you. I had a nightmare." You murmured, shaking your head and keeping your eyes focused on the blanket. Steve watched you, biting his lip.

"Did you want me to stay with you till you fall asleep again?" He asked softly, almost afraid to scare you off. you felt embarrassed and awkward, but despite yourself you nodded slowly.

"Thank you Steve..." was all you could manage. He stood and then crawled over, laying beside you on top of the covers. Almost instinctively you moved over, resting your head on his chest. It was like a habit you had no idea you had.

Listening to the steady beat of his head through his shirt, your head rising and falling with each breath he took, you were slowly lulled back to sleep.

You woke up the next morning, the sunlight trickling through your curtains. It took you a moment to realize you weren't alone. 

The events of last night came flooding back, and you shuddered at the memory of the nightmare. You looked over at Steve, who looked completely at ease as he continued to sleep. He had his arm curled around your shoulders, seemingly in a protective way.

You yawned, then looked down, seeing you had kicked off the blankets in your sleep...revealing your bare legs. Your shirt had moved up in your sleep and your underwear was clearly visible.

Your cheeks grew hot, and you carefully untangled yourself from Steve's embrace, sliding away and standing up from the bed, pulling down the shirt again. You quickly went to your closet and grabbed a pair of pajama pants.

They were a light material, brown with little pink cupcakes all over them.

Sure, they were rather childish, but they were comfortable...something you seemed to put before any type of style.

You left your closet, glancing over at the still sleeping Steve, not being able to deny that he looked pretty cute in such a relaxed state. You bit your lip, then turned to go to your small kitchen. You sighed, no food here. You decided to go and see if there was another kitchen somewhere...there had to be right?

You left your "suite" and went down the hall to the elevator. You noticed that there was a screen on the wall with an interactive map. Your eyes lit up and you quickly made use of it, finding out the main kitchen and dining area was on the 12th floor. Weird.

You got in the elevator and pressed the 12th floor button. Pretty soon you arrived, and were greeted with a large, fancy kitchen. Nobody else was there, so you looked around, taking your time to see where everything was and memorizing which drawers and cupboards held what. You went to the refrigerator and opened it, grinning as you saw a bunch of food. Bacon...Eggs, lots of fruit. 

You got an idea, and grabbed the bacon, eggs, 3 oranges, blackberries, strawberries, milk, and wild berry yogurt. After about 10 minutes you had the bacon sizzling in a frying pan, eggs frying in another, and you were peeling an orange as you started making smoothies. You started humming a song to yourself, not really sure what it was but went along with it.

Out of nowhere, that very song started to play over speakers, causing you to yelp and drop a knife you were using on the floor as you jumped back. You frowned, a bit freaked out.

"Sorry Miss Y/n, I did not mean to frighten you, I just assumed you would like to have the song you were humming to be played as well." Said a chipper British voice over the speakers. You looked around in confusion, then spoke hesitantly.

"Thank you?" you said, shaking your head. that was weird.

You picked up your knife and rinsed it off, continuing to cut the fruit. Finally you finished and pulled the bacon and eggs off the stove, piling them on separate plates, then poured some of the smoothie into a tall glass for yourself. You found yourself swaying your hips as you listened to the music while you finished up with the food.

You froze when you heard a loud chuckle, that soon turned into a fit of laughter. You turned around slowly, then spotted Tony doubled over with laughter, clutching his stomach. Your eyes widened and you felt your cheeks grow hot.

"No, don't stop dancing with the bacon!" He begged, still laughing pretty hard. You clenched your fists, glaring at him. 

"Tony leave her alone, you'll scare the poor girl." Said a chipper female voice. You looked away from Tony, seeing a Slender ginger lady. She walked over with her hands on her hips as she stared pointedly at Tony. He laughed, shaking his head and raising both hands innocently. 

"I wasn't the one dancing in cupcake pajamas, Pepper." He said in defense, continuing to chuckle. You sighed, turning away and getting your smoothie, and scooping some eggs and bacon onto another plate for yourself. You stalked past Tony and Pepper, sitting down at a large dining table and started sipping your smoothie, staring at your plate.

You were about to take a bite of bacon, but flinched when a booming voice greeted those present.

"Brother Tony, have you gotten more Pops of Tart?" Thor asked hopefully, then noticed you sitting with your food. "Good morning Lady Y/n, how are you feeling?" He asked, abandoning his original quest to find Poptarts, and sat down next to you, leaning back into the chair. 

"I was good until Tony came in." You muttered, not meeting Thor's gaze. You heard an indignant huff from Tony, as if he were about to say something, but he was silenced by Pepper. Thor let out a deep chuckle, nodding then spoke again.

"At least you've forgotten all of the things he's done in the past, I wish I had the same privilege." He said with a small chuckle. You smiled, grabbing a piece of bacon and taking a bite. You didn't realize just how hungry you were, and soon enough your plate was empty and you were finishing your smoothie.

You glanced up to see that Steve had walked in, but his expression was worried, he looked at you.

"We have a slight problem..." He said, glancing at Thor, Tony,Pepper, and settling on you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO MUCH FLUFF.
> 
> I have to admit I was a giggling mess while writing this chapter out, the image of Steve playing Patty Cake was almost too much to handle. 
> 
> As always, any feedback is appreciated, and thanks so much for the comments on the last two chapters!
> 
> Fourth chapter will be up either tomorrow night, or Sunday morning.
> 
> Thank you <3


	4. The Calm before the Storm

What could possibly be the problem this time? You had finally started to feel slightly relaxed, but judging by what little information you'd managed to acquire about yourself and your past, problems were your middle name.

Tony exchanged a quick glance with Steve, raising an eyebrow questioningly. You looked between the two briefly, noticing a quick, hushed discussion occurring. You frowned, carefully trying to lip-read the conversation they were having. Unfortunately, you couldn't follow their rapidly moving mouths, and moved your attention to something that caught your eye. You were focusing so intently on a shadow of a figure outside the door, you practically jumped out of your skin when a large, firm hand rested on your shoulder, squeezing it slightly.

"Y/n...Lady Y/n?" Said the rumbling voice of Thor, as he had assumed you spaced out and were looking at nothing of any importance. You blinked, tearing your gaze from where you'd been staring, looking at Thor with a confused expression. You pointed in the direction of the door

"Who's out there?" You questioned, looking back to where you'd been staring before, only to find there was no longer a shadow. You opened your mouth to speak, but did not get the opportunity to explain what you'd seen, as you were interrupted by an authoritative voice.

"Seems like majority of you are all present." You turned your attention back to where Steve and Tony were standing, along with another man. His dark gaze intimidated you more than one would gather. He had a very stern expression on his face, and unfortunately that expression was shot in your direction, your gaze meeting his own.

You held the man's gaze for a moment, until he had a slight smirk flicker across his mouth. You felt rather befuddled, wondering why he had that small show of amusement so briefly. He turned his gaze to Steve, nodding dismissively. 

"As I was telling Steve a few moments ago, we have something rather urgent to discuss among ourselves. There's a rumor that Hydra is re-surfacing to make another surprise appearance within the upcoming week. We'll continue this discussion in the conference room when everyone is appropriately dressed to have some professional conversations." And without even giving anyone the chance to reply or even nod in understanding, he turned and walked out of the kitchen. 

Steve cleared his throat, looking at you. You returned the gaze, utterly and completely confused as to who that man was, and why he seemed so intent on following the trail of a RUMOR. "Director Nick Fury, Y/n... let's go uh...you should change into something that doesn't have desserts on them." Steve said awkwardly, not meeting your gaze.  
You could have sworn you saw him blushing, but quickly nodded instead, heading for the door with him trailing behind you.

You didn't notice, but when Steve glanced back at those remaining in the kitchen, Tony was making kissy faces in your direction. Steve clenched his jaw, steering his attention back to you as the pair of you headed toward the elevator.

During the brief elevator ride, you got Steve to quickly debrief you on what you should know about Director Fury. You couldn't help but find it amusing when you found out that, despite being known as a God of all things, Thor was technically a lower rank than Fury. It was slightly scary as well, and you wondered what exactly this man could be capable of, or how he managed to get the position in the first place.

You made your way to your room quickly, changing into a pair of dark blue skinny jeans, a black button up blouse, the buttons sticking out vividly, as they were white. Once you were finished changing, you ran a brush through your (H/c) hair, trying to look somewhat presentable.

Steve was waiting patiently outside of your room for you, and made brief eye contact after he looked over your outfit. Heat immediately rushed to your cheeks, and you forced your gaze away. You both made your way back to the elevator, and stepped inside.

You were still pretty nervous inside the elevator, but took deep breaths as the moving room went down the floors, letting out a sigh of relief as the elevator dinged, and the doors slid open. You and Steve stepped out, and headed down the hall to the conference room quickly. 

You found that you two were the last to join the table, and you quickly sat down to join the meeting. Director Fury nodded, shooting a look in Steve's direction, then cleared his throat.

"As I was saying, Hydra has leaked information for sleeper agents,and they'll awaken sometime this weak to...well, sleeper agent hydra things. We don't want that...and since Y/n is finally out of her little coma, it's important we refresh her training and get her ready for the next mission."

You stiffened, looking over at Steve with panicking eyes. What did he mean you were to be trained for an upcoming mission? You were still sore from waking up! Just as you were about to open your mouth to argue, Steve spoke up.

"Director Fury, she's hardly been awake for 2 days, do you really think that she should be jumping into this so soon after practically being thrown into an unfamiliar life?" He asked, earning a small snicker from Tony, who murmured "Looks like he's more protective of her than ever." To Thor, who only gave Tony a scolding look, trying to silently get him to shut up.

Fury's expression hardened, giving Steve a pointed look. "Rogers, I believe she'll have no trouble in training, she may have forgotten, but her body will easily recognize what she was able to do in the first place." At that point Steve knew to pipe down, shaking his head slightly and shooting you an apologetic look. You smiled reassuringly, but couldn't suppress the worry in your eyes. 

Thor interrupted the silence that resulted after the one sided conversation, clearing his throat loudly. "I believe starting training now would make sense, Y/n, would you care to join me? I vow I won't be too aggressive." He said, winking briefly at you, which resulted in a frown from Steve. You nodded, looking at Steve.

"Will you come too Steve?" You asked, your eyebrows arching a touch. 

Steve scratched the back of his head awkwardly, shaking his head. "I uh...I've got something else I need to take care of first, Y/n..." He commented, and you noted there was a tad bit of nerves in his voice. You opened your mouth to ask what it was Steve needed to 'take care of', but Thor reached his muscular arm over your shoulder, then started leading you out the door. You quickly looked back at Steve, but he wasn't looking at you, he was staring off at nothing, absentmindedly. 

A few hours later, you were drenched in sweat. Thor's idea of a 'warm up' was more likely to make you burn up due to your own body heat rising. It was almost impossible to keep up with the speed he exercised at, but surprisingly you didn't do too bad a job. You suspected it was due to Thor's promise to go easy on you, but even so your fresh out-of-a-coma state limited your abilities. 

Finally you got a break, practically chugging the water bottle as you leaned against the wall of the large gym that was in the building. You stopped drinking to take a breath, panting heavily. Thor chuckled, watching you carefully. 

"I thought that Fury guy said my body would remember how to do all this stuff?" You said, your chest still rising and falling at a heavy, quick rate. Thor belted out a short laugh, nodding.

"In case you didn't notice, you're not unconscious on the floor...also, you've always been a speedy learner and it won't take too long before you're able to do what you were capable of before the uh...accident. Your body mass and muscle will take longer to recover, but your ability is still present." He said, not meeting your gaze after he mentioned the accident. You pouted a bit, looking at him in frustration, but put down your water on the ground, standing up straight with your hands on your hips. 

"Well...where do we start now that the warm-up is finished?" You asked. You were still trying to catch your breath, but your determination wasn't about to let you falter. You had no idea why you were so stubborn about finishing what you started, but you felt a hint of pride start to swell inside your chest...or possibly just the ache from trying to get oxygen too frequently. 

Thor grinned, whistling. Natasha came into the gym through the main entrance, wearing a tight suit that looked almost like a second skin. Your eyebrows scrunched together as you looked at Thor in confusion...did he want you to train with Natasha now? You weren't too thrilled about that idea - she seemed more lethal than Thor. 

Natasha smirked, noting the nervousness in your expression, but spoke evenly. "Don't worry, I won't kick your ass too much." The challenge in her tone made you straighten your posture, narrowing your eyes. There was no way you were going to beat her...but you could at least try right?

You lost track of how many times you were pinned to the mat. Natasha definitely didn't seem to be keeping her promise of going easy-ish on you. After a while you started to get a bit mad, the exhaustion finally taking it's toll on you. She threw you down on the mat, and in desperation you stretched your arms behind you. Moving your body in a wave-like motion, you swung your legs upward and managed to hook your feet under her arms. You twisted to the left, sending her toppling down on the mat in surprise. You scrambled over her, holding her down. It was a bit of a clumsy attempt, but it did surprise her, resulting in you winning that match.

There was a lone sound of clapping coming from the entrance to the gym, and you looked over to see Tony casually leaning against the frame, a smirk on his face. "Not bad comatose." He said, starting to make his way toward the two of you. You scrambled off of Natasha, reaching out a hand to help her up, which she took. You dusted off your pants, not looking at Tony, for fear you'd say something you'd regret. The guy seemed to mean well, but he got on your nerves since the very beginning.

"I don't see why Capsicle was so worried for you, your instinct seems to be kicking in pretty well, and 1 time out of 56 against Natasha isn't too bad." Tony said, his tone teasing. You sighed, crossing your arms over your chest in frustration. Thor coughed, and Natasha spoke up.

"I think we're done for today, Y/n, you did pretty good despite the circumstances. Fury's right about your instinct returning, you'll be able to take on me and actually stand a chance." She said with a smirk, then turned to leave the gym with Thor, who shot you a toothy grin before leaving. You stood there, staring at Tony with narrow eyes. You ran your hand through your (H/L, H/C) hair, then grabbed your water bottle and stalked past Tony. He couldn't help but chuckle at your attitude, but said nothing as you headed for the elevator, needing a shower, seeing as you were covered in sweat, and probably would soon have bruises and scrapes. 

You reached your room soon after, but instead of going straight to the shower, you went to the corner of your bedroom that had the beanbag chair, books, and the photo collage. You stood on your toes as you looked at all of the photos. There were some of you with Steve, Bruce, Even Thor, Loki and Tony. You looked at each of the photos, hoping you could somehow connect and remember the scene from each picture, but nothing happened.

You weren't too surprised, it was a long shot that you'd ever remember what you lost. You sighed, turning to go to your bathroom and have a shower, washing the sweat away and relaxing your muscles. You listened to the sound of the water trickling down the drain as the steam rose in the bathroom. 

After you got out of the shower, dried off, and put on some black dark grey sweatpants and a black v-neck t-shirt with grey designs on the front. You picked up the top book on the pile by the beanbag chair in the corner of your room and walked over to your bed, flopping down on your stomach. You grimaced as a brief flash of pain erupted over your abdomen, but breathed out a small sigh of relief when it subsided.

You opened the book to start reading, but was surprised to find a photograph taped to the inside cover. It was a picture of you sleeping with a familiar arm wrapped around you protectively. It obviously wasn't your bedroom, and looked more like a couch than a bed. Deciding it was probably the living room. You inspected the picture closely, tracing your finger along the edge. You were about to gently pull the picture away and see if anything was written on the back, but there was a knock on your door.

"Come in" You called, sitting up and crossing your legs. The door opened and Steve poked his head in, looking slightly stressed. You bit your lip, tilting your head to the left. "You okay?" You asked softly, earning a small smile from him.

"I just wanted to see how you were after training with Natasha and Thor today." He said, his hands finding their way to his jean pockets. You smirked,shaking your head.

"Harder than I thought it would be, that's for sure...though I don't even know how hard I thought it would be to begin with." You said, laughing slightly at the end of your sentence. You blinked, seeing Steve's gaze had traveled to the book that was now laying open on your bed, still showing the picture of you asleep. You gestured toward it, looking at him still.

"Why is that picture taped there? Do you know?" You asked hopefully, wanting to de-code the meaning behind it. Steve hesitated, then moved to sit on the bed with you, keeping a fair distance between you and him. 

"You uh...you used to take the more personal photos that were taken and put them on the inside of books. That one well...I actually gave you that one. For Christmas last year." He said, a slight blush appearing on his cheeks,

You tilted your head, nodding slightly before looking at the picture again. "Is there anything written on the back?" You asked, deciding to outright ask him before peeling it back to find nothing. Steve cleared his throat, not meeting your gaze.

"Yeah but uh...it doesn't matter anymore what it says...for now anyway." You frowned, reaching out to grab the picture and read it, but Steve quickly jumped over and snatched it before you could, keeping it out of reach. You pouted trying to get closer but he kept inching away. Finally he ran out of bed space, and flopped off, you losing your balance and falling on top of him, earning an "oof" from the shock it. 

You both froze, just looking at each other. There was a cough at the door, and you both looked up to see Clint standing in the doorway with his arms crossed, a small smirk plastered on his lips. 

"Wow Cap, I might owe Tony 20 bucks after all." He said, breaking into a grin. You frowned, quickly getting off of Steve and getting to your feet. Your face was equally as red as Steve's, who was trying to hide his face by looking out the window.

"What do you want?" You asked, trying to change the subject as quickly as possible.

"Well we were all just wondering if you two wanted to join the rest of us downstairs to watch some movie Tony won't shut up about, but I can tell them you're busy doing other stu-" He was cut off when you reached back and threw a pillow, managing to get him in the face. 

"We'll come down in a second birdbrain." You said rolling your eyes. You were confused when Clint burst out laughing, as you had no idea that his code name was actually relevant to that insult. He shook his head and left. 

You looked over at Steve, looking apologetic. "Sorry I fell on you..." You said softly, hugging your arms to your stomach as you looked up at him. You were surprised when he smiled, shaking his head. "It was my own fault...come on let's go." Was his reply, leaving the book on your nightstand. You and him went downstairs to where everyone had gathered in front of one of Tony's flat screen TV's. 

Steve seemed to purposely sit as far away from you as he could, but you pretended not to notice,trying to focus on the movie...feeling like this gathering with the rest of the group was like a calm before the storm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay with this chapter, and I hope this doesn't disappoint you guys too much!
> 
> I promise there will be more substantial plot development in the next chapter, this one is more of a filler to get things going.
> 
> The next chapter will be up either by tomorrow night, or Tuesday morning
> 
> Thank you for the kudos and feedback immensely! You guys are awesome. Please let me know if you have any problems with the chapter, and if you notice any errors!


	5. Taken.

Although it was a thrilling movie, the day's events were starting to take a toll on your mental awareness. You kept nodding off during the film, but refused to leave, a form of being stubborn if you will. Eventually, you passed out, still in a sitting position, but with your head resting on your hand, which was propped up by your elbow.

Once the movie was finished to the ending credits, everyone began to disperse, saying goodnight to one another. Steve was about to leave the room when he finally noticed that you were completely and utterly out cold. He shook his head in slight amusement, but wasn't sure whether to let you sleep the way you were sitting - which did NOT look comfortable in any way - Or move you.

He didn't have the heart to wake you up, since you looked so peaceful while asleep and because the tiring day he knew you'd had. He felt a slight pain in his chest, mainly from the memories he knew but you no longer could remember. He bit the inside of his cheek, watching you for a few moments before turning and quietly making his way to a footrest that had blankets folded up inside. 

He grabbed the first one on the top and walked back over to you, setting it down and gently supporting your head as he moved the arm that was propping it up and laying it out flat. He proceeded to stretch out your legs to the side, laying you flat out on the couch. He stopped cradling your head and let it rest on the armrest of the couch, then grabbed the blanket and covered you with it. Steve really couldn't help the smile that came to his lips when he saw you tuck your feet under the end of the blanket and folding it underneath you.

He strained his ears when you murmured something, knitting his eyebrows together immediately as he focused on the quiet tone of your voice. He held his breath when he thought he heard you mention his own name.

A strand of your (H/c) hair fell in front of your face, and Steve didn't even think to restrain himself as he reached out and brushed it away. Quick as a flash your hand lashed out and grabbed his wrist. It startled Steve quite a bit, but he didn't pull back, as he realized you were still unconscious. He was about to gently pry your fingers from his wrist, but you started tugging his arm toward you. He tried to resist, but didn't use very much force as he didn't want to make you stir from your sleep.

You tightened your grip like a vice on his arm, tugging harder, mumbling something about a stubborn pillow. Unable to continue pulling back without the threat of you waking, Steve gave in. The couch was pretty spacious, but the two of you were still very close. Steve was holding his breath, afraid that if he even moved a tad, you'd wake up and demand why he was laying next to you on a couch. 

It was a preposterous idea of course, since you two had already slept in the same bed the night before...but this felt different. Unable to hold his breath any longer, Steve exhaled, lightly as he tried not to blow directly on your face. He started to relax, keeping still but letting his muscles become less stiff. 

You slipped your hands around him, pulling him closer. For someone so much more petite than he was, you had a lot of strength...more than one would assume at least. Steve stared at your sleeping face, so relaxed, so undisturbed. 

Suddenly compelled, Steve leaned in and kissed your forehead, causing you to smile softly in your sleep as you snuggled your head to his chest. 

While this was happening, neither of you knew what was to come.

Since your accident, Hydra had been trying to keep tabs on you and how you were doing. They had hoped you would have been killed during the mission, mainly because you had seen and learned a few things that could prove to be extremely dangerous for Hydra's progress on rising up. 

Unfortunately, they had seen you on the roof the previous day with Steve, and you were, to their own disliking, alive. They had sought out to create a plan in order to eliminate the possibility of you spilling any secrets...and that plan was about to be set in motion.

The next morning, you woke up to find a pair of sturdy arms encasing you protectively. You looked up to find Steve asleep, and you bit your lip, feeling your cheeks grow hot. You slowly tried to untangle yourself from his grip, but only managed to wake him up in the process. You winced, an apologetic look crossing your face.

"I didn't mean to wake you...I'm sorry." You said quickly, sitting up at the same time as him. He stood up first, and you noted that his face looked equally as red as yours felt. You stood up after him and wouldn't meet his gaze. He cleared his throat, gesturing behind him. 

"I'm going to go upstairs and shower uh...sorry about this." And before you had the chance to reply, he quickly slipped out of the room. You stood there a moment then looked at the digital clock on the wall. It was only 5 am? What the hell kind of world did you live in where you naturally woke up so early?

You bit your lower lip, trying to figure out what to do. There was no way on earth you'd be able to go back to sleep, but it was still too early for breakfast. You finally made a decision, then headed for the elevator. It was early enough to watch the sunrise, something you really wanted to experience for the first time...or for the first time you would remember.

You stepped out onto the roof, breathing in the crisp morning air. Goosebumps immediately arose on your arms, but you ignored it, looking at the horizon where the sun was starting to rise. You smiled as you witnessed the city start to change to brilliant pastel colours. Reds, Oranges, yellows and pinks. It was a beautiful sight...until you were interrupted.

There was a loud screech, and you whipped around, seeing three, strong looking men who were dressed from head to toe in black, only their eyes showing. You were about to let out a shriek, but felt a stinging pain in the side of your neck. You felt extremely dizzy, sinking to your knees. You saw a blurry figure start to approach you, your arms being lifted above your head, and you being dragged to the edge of the roof. After that, everything went dark.

You were drifting in and out of consciousness throughout the trip. The steady chopping noise of helicopter was heard on and off, and voices speaking in what sounded like Russian were in the mix as well. Finally, you woke up.

At first, you were a little bit confused as to where you were, not remembering that the whole event of being taken by surprise was real, and not just a bad dream like you'd originally hoped. As you tried to stand, you realized that there were leather straps holding you down firmly in a metal chair. Your legs were strapped to the legs of the chair as well. The only thing that had free movement, was in fact your head. 

You lashed around wildly, trying to flip the chair, loosen the straps, anything, but all you got in return was the stinging bite of leather cutting into your skin as you fought too hard. Your eyes resumed to the same fearful look that you had when you'd first woken up and left the room, and when you met Steve again for the first time. 

You bit down on your lip, trying to ignore the sting of the now scraped skin of your arms, which only resulted in you biting too hard, the taste of iron from your own lip slipping along your taste buds. You grimaced, squeezing your eyes shut and counting to ten, then opened them again, looking around the room you were in, trying to remember any hint as to where you were.

You remembered Russian...oh god, were you in Russia?! No, that couldn't be possible, you'd only been out cold for...

You froze, realizing you had no idea how much time had passed since you were kidnapped. There was no window in the room, only a large mirror, which you had a sneaking suspicion was a two way mirror, as you felt eyes on you despite not being able to see any. It could have been days since you were taken...or only a few hours. 

If you'd been able to, you would have jumped out of the chair when a heavy steel door swung open, a loud screeching noise startling you. In walked a man with spiked black hair, tan skin, and a gruff exterior. He somewhat resembled a navy seal. You put on your best poker face, trying not to let your fear show. It seemed this man saw right through it, and a smirk formed on his face. 

A chill went down your back as he spoke to you. "nice to see you again, Y/L/N...not so nice to see you alive, but nice to see you again anyways." You narrowed your eyes, glaring at him. Who the hell was this guy, and why did he seem to want you dead? And if he wanted you dead, why not just kill you right away? 

"Great seeing you again, dick..." You muttered, hoping it would come across that you indeed recognized him, despite your memories being gone. His expression hardened, his jaw clenched and hands turned into fists. 

"Let's cut to the chase kid, I ain't got all day." He said, moving so he was gripping onto your forearms, his face barely a few inches from yours. "The sooner you tell me how much your little friends know about what we're planning, the sooner I can kill you and move on to bigger and better things, because let's face it, you're a little boring."

Your immediate reaction surprised even you, and you spat directly on his face. He snarled, wiping off his face with his sleeve, then dug his nails into your arm, earning a small whimper from you. He smirked again, shaking his head.

"Tsk tsk, I'd have thought being around Rogers you'd have started learning better manners, but it seems that I was mistaken." He chided, squeezing your arms harder. You were certain that there would prove to be bruises there later on, if you even lasted long enough to see those bruises...

He let out a chuckle, rather pleased with your reaction to his small show of dominance in this situation. You shot a steely glare toward him, which only heightened his amusement. He lifted his hands, snapping his fingers. Two men whom you didn't recognize walked in, one holding a hose, the other a rope. Your stomach dropped at the sight, nervous as to what those items meant for you.

"I'll give you ten seconds to tell me exactly how much they know about what we're planning, or else your only remaining privilege is going to be revoked." You frowned, looking at the two men in a panic. You didn't know what to say, and he had already started counting down. You took a deep breath, but when he reached number five, he snapped his fingers.

"Too long." He said, his eyes dark and shudder inducing. The two men strode forward, putting the rope around your throat and tying it to the chair. You could still breathe, but couldn't move your head. You clutched the armrests, your fingertips going numb. You squirmed, trying to move but it failed miserably. 

They shoved the hose into your mouth, then plugged your nose so you couldn't breathe. You let out a strangled scream, trying to shake your head, but it was held still. You heard the rusty screech of what sounded like a tap being turned, and the water shot into your mouth, tearing the little air you had in your lungs away.

The sensation you were feeling was the most terrifying experience of your life, well that you were able to recall anyway. It felt like you were a balloon about to burst, and you continued to thrash around in a struggle, desperately trying to break free. 

After about 2 minutes, you couldn't fight anymore. Your shoulders slumped and your eyes rolled to the back of your head. The man nodded. "Time." He said, and the two men released your neck from the rope and ripped the hose from your throat. A large amount of water forced it's way out, but you were still unconscious. One of the men started to perform CPR, pressing on your chest.

Finally, your eyes shot open, the water leaving your body in a powerful stream. You coughed harshly, hacking up the water that had been forced into your lungs and stomach. Your whole body was shaking as you took deep breaths, wheezing with each inhale.

The man chuckled, shaking his head. "Your stubborn ways were always a charm about you." He said, cupping your chin and wiping away a tear with his thumb. You hadn't even realized you were crying, but you were. 

Something snapped inside you, and you lashed out, biting down on his hand as hard as you could. The man let out a yelp, ripping his hand away. You were satisfied as the tang of blood hit your mouth, glad you managed to at least leave a mark on this jerk-off.

He growled, about to reach out and smack you upside the head, but froze when he heard a rapid beeping sound, which was gradually growing quicker.

"GET DOWN!" He ordered, flattening himself to the ground with his two minions, leaving you strapped to the chair, terrified and vulnerable.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dun dun DUNNNN. Thank you for the kind words on the previous chapter, and I can't wait to hear from you guys about what you thought about chapter 5!
> 
> If there's any spelling errors or something doesn't work, please let me know!
> 
> Thanks guys, chapter 6, coming soon!


	6. Recovering

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING. - it's not self harm, but there is a bit of a cutting scene in this and a lot of tears, so please be warned about that. So many feels. Much emotion. Yep.
> 
> Also, thank you SO much for being patient guys, I hope this chapter makes up for my brief absence.  
> .
> 
> Anyways, enjoy!

Your split second reaction was all that spared your face from being cut by flying debris. Almost by reflective instinct, you managed to shield your head by turning it to the left, cradling your chin with your shoulder and clutching the chair's arms. Your eyes were squeezed tightly shut as the beeps echoing from the other side of the wall sped up.

The room exploded into an array of chaos, the wall collapsing with an earsplitting explosion. The man with the spiky black hair recovered the quickest, dashing toward you. He quickly stood behind you and yanked your hair downward, causing your chin to shoot up toward the ceiling, your neck fully exposed. You let out what could only be described as a strangled moan, and your surprise turned into panic when you spotted the blade.

Steve was the first to get inside the room, his shield on his arm and his classic "Captain America" costume on. He froze when he saw you, looking so helpless. He took a step forward, but the man's grip tightened on your hair and he pulled down some more, bringing the blade up against your throat. Tears were building in your eyes quickly, but you refused to let them fall, the stubborn instinct in you making an appearance yet again.

Steve froze, looking at your current situation. By now, Iron man, Hawkeye, the Black Widow, Thor, even Loki had joined Steve, looking at you with an uncertain gaze. The only one missing was Bruce, but in all honesty it was his own choice to stay behind, as he worried you'd get hurt by the Hulk if he did show. The man behind you chuckled, casually tracing your throat with the tip of the blade.

"I'd have thought you all would still be scattered around, trying to figure out where this little thing ran off to...I'll admit, I'm pleasantly surprised." He said with a dark grin. "I'm glad you'll all be able to watch her bleed out too." He said, moving the blade upward, letting it cut directly underneath your chin. 

Despite your best intent, a small whimper managed to find it's way out of your mouth, and the look of desperation on Steve's face hurt you more than the cut. The man snickered again, moving the edge of the blade back to your throat. He did something that both startled, and disgusted you at the same time.

Leaning down, he traced his tongue lightly over the cut, causing you to flinch. You struggled against your restraints, trying anything to get away, but he just chuckled again, pulling his face away from yours and making eye contact with the Avengers Team.

Steve was absolutely fuming. One could swear they saw steam coming from his ears by the expression he wore, and you worried he might do something foolish in attempt to get you to safety. You kept still as the pressure increased on your neck, holding your breath and counting the seconds.

"I bet you all feel pretty stupid huh? Rushing in here to save the damsel in distress, not knowing you'd be stuck with this. I swear you Avengers are so-" He was cut off when Tony flicked his wrist and a blinding beam shot toward the man. He was sent flying back, taking the knife with him.

"Oops." Said Tony with a small smirk. Steve rushed over to you, his eyes wide as he saw your neck. When Tony had blasted the man away, he had slid the knife enough to lightly cut the side of your throat. It was bleeding, but not so much as it would kill you before you could get it bandaged. Steve's eyebrows knit together as he quickly set you free from the chair, and you brought your hands to your throat, breathing slowly as you pressed down on the wound. 

Finally, the tears began to fall. You leaned in, pressing your face against Steve's chest as you quietly sobbed. He quickly brought his hand to your back and held you, nodding as Loki came over to the two of you. 

Loki placed the palm of his hand to the back of your neck, closing his eyes. You removed your hand from your throat, the wound healing as Loki used his magic on it. You rested your hand on Steve's chest beside your head, taking deep breaths as you tried to calm down. After a few moments of standing there, you pulled away, sniffling. 

Slightly embarrassed you didn't meet anyone's gaze. You just wanted to go back home and feel safe. 

Once everyone had taken care of those involved with you being taken, you all went back to the tower. Steve right away walked you to your room, a gesture you were appreciative of, as you were extremely worried that someone from Hydra could jump out and take you again. Just the mere thought of it - as ridiculous as it seemed - sent a shiver down your spine.

Steve stopped outside your door, looking at you in concern. "Are you going to be okay alone tonight?" He asked, his gaze giving away just how worried he was. If you'd been asked that by anyone else, you would have assumed they were trying to find an excuse to crawl into bed with you, but with Steve it was genuine. 

You bit your lip, not meeting his gaze as you nodded. "I'll be okay." You said, trying to sound convincing. He smiled slightly, shaking his head. 

"You're so stubborn." He said softly, then cleared his throat and looked away. You looked at your feet, then stood on your toes and kissed his cheek quickly. You opened your door.

"Goodnight Steve." Was your only verbal response. You noticed that his face had turned beet red, and you smiled softly before closing the door behind you. You swore you could hear Steve exhale slowly from the other side of the door, indicating he'd been holding his breath. 

Your first destination was to go to the bathroom, as you wanted to relax. You wanted to get rid of that disgusting feeling when the man had licked your chin, but you knew you'd be able to scrub, and scrub, and scrub, and that feeling would still linger. You went to the bathtub and turned on the tap, waiting till the water reached the right temperature before putting the plug in.

You snooped around, sniffing several different shower gels before settling on one to use. You squeezed some of the liquid into the tub, the bubbles immediately starting to form. The scent was soft, soothing even, and you appreciated the calming effect it had on you before you even got into the tub.

You undressed, looking in the mirror. You had several bruises, cuts and scrapes all over your body. But what stood out the most was the large scar that started from halfway up your rib cage and down to your hipbone on the right side of your body. How you never noticed it before, you didn't really know. 

You traced your index finger on your left hand over the line of the scar, your face showing the concentration as you tried to guess where this scar could have come from, since you didn't remember. You sighed, going to the tub and shutting off the tap, then slid inside, the hot water momentarily stinging your cuts, but soothing your bruises. You sighed as you sunk lower into the water, your neck resting on a bath pillow and bubbles covering you from neck to toe. 

You closed your eyes, breathing in the relaxing scent of your bubble bath. Eventually, you felt yourself start to drift off. You were right about to fall completely unconscious, but you shot up, realizing you'd almost slid so far down as to be nearly submerged up to your nose. You sighed, standing and exiting the tub, grabbing a soft, fluffy white towel and wrapping yourself in it. You pulled the plug from the bath, then went to your closet to get cozy pajamas on. Once you settled on flannel pajamas pants and an over sized hoodie, you went to your bed, crawling on it and flopping down. You turned your head, noticing a book was on your nightstand.

THE book. You quickly snatched it toward yourself, opening the book to the inside front cover and looking at the photo inside once more. Carefully you peeled back the picture, making sure not to rip it. You pulled the photograph off, then flipped it over. Neat printing was what greeted your eyes, and you traced your finger along the edge of the photo as you began you read.

"Y/N.

Since the accident I've been trying to find a way to cope with you not being awake...Tony said not to worry, that you're a fighter, but he doesn't hide his fear very well.  
I got Nat to get me your books from your room, since you never wanted me to be in there, and I had a bunch of pictures that you didn't really like but...I did  
I'm hoping when you wake up these will help you recover, kind of an Easter egg hunt but with books and pictures.  
If I have it my way, you won't be back in the field for a while until you're back to your old self, but you know how Fury is.  
You always brush it off, but I know you realize just how deeply I care for you.  
I'll be there when you wake up, always.

~ Steve"

You read the note three times, and by the beginning of the fourth you felt tears begin to fall. You felt so...guilty. He'd been waiting for you throughout this whole mess, and the first thing you'd done when you saw him was run away. You knew it wasn't your fault, but the thought of just how much it actually hurt him made you break down. You put the photo back in the book and shut it, not being able to look at it any longer. 

Curling up in the fetal position, you let yourself sink into the bed, not even bothering to go under the blankets. You hugged your stomach, closing your eyes as you tried to breathe deeply. All that was the result was shaky breathing and loud sniffles. 

You didn't remember how long you were like that, but you eventually managed to lull yourself into a peaceful sleep. You found yourself seeing things in your dreams, almost like a soundless movie. There was a part where you and Steve were on a picnic and he brushed a strand of hair from your face, another was of you recording him making a pie while wearing a pink apron, and even another of you two sneaking out and laying on the roof of the tower, watching the stars together. You found that one to be quite amusing, as two adults with the power to go and do what they want felt it was necessary to "sneak out".

The dream was sweet, and you couldn't help but laugh in the dream at some of the scenes drifting through your mind. There was a new scene unfolding in front of your eyes. You were running with Steve, through what looked like an indoor maze. You split off to the left, him to the right, and although you didn't hear the verbal exchange, you knew it was what you both decided to be the best idea. You watched yourself round a corner, only to be blasted through a wall, your body going limp as you were tossed through the debris. When you watched your body land, you shot up, looking around the room wildly. You scrambled back, your head pressed against the headboard as you looked fearfully at the figure standing in the dark room. It came closer, but a voice you recognized softly came from the direction of the figure.

"Y/n, it's okay it's just me. It's Steve." He said softly, stepping forward. You reached to your left and flicked on the light switch, and his face became visible. You breathed out a sigh, relief washing over you. A guilty look flashed across Steve's face as he met your gaze.

"Sorry I uh...bad dream." You mumbled, looking down and refusing to meet his gaze, scared your still teary eyes would be visible. The images that were rushing through your head made you shiver.  
Steve smiled sadly, walking over to the side of the bed and sitting on the edge. He gently laid his hand on your shoulder, giving you a reassuring squeeze.

"Y/n, look at me." He said quietly, and you obeyed, looking at him evenly. Your eyes were slightly red from your previous tears, but you didn't look away.

"Steve? Can I ask you something?" You said softly, biting your lip after the words slipped out.

A small smirk settled on his lips. "You just did, but go ahead." He said, gently teasing you as he tried to relieve some of the tension from the atmosphere. Something you greatly appreciated.

"What were we? Before the mission, what was I to you?" You asked, mentally kicking yourself. It was almost as if your mouth had a mind of it's own, and you felt your cheeks gradually lose control as well, growing hot. You quickly looked away, shaking your head. "I-I'm sorry I shouldn't have even asked that I don't th-" But he interrupted you. You realized that his cheeks were also slightly redder than they had been a moment ago, but his voice was steady as he responded.

"It doesn't matter what we were, what matters is you're alive. You can worry about personal stuff when you're ready for it." He spoke softly, continuing to watch your face.

Your attention snapped back to him, and you shot a halfhearted glare in his direction. "Well I'm ready for it now, I need to know. I know you were important to me and...and..." Your voice gave out, feeling your lip start to tremble, but you took a shaky breath and looked at him again. "Please Steve." You begged. You hoped that maybe, somehow, if you learned more about what you used to feel, you could regain those memories. It was a long shot, but you still had hope.

Steve knit his eyebrows together, opening his mouth as if he were going to say something, but no words came out. He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath, then looked at you again.

"We were close...closer to each other than the rest of the team." He said slowly, watching for your reaction.

"Close enough to stargaze on the roof?" You asked softly, looking hopeful. Not due to the fact that you were stargazing together, but that you had a tiny hope that the dream had been an actual memory.

Steve had a look of shock appear on his face, caught completely off guard by your question. "How...did you...do you remember that?" He asked quickly, leaning forward hopefully. You bit your lip, watching him carefully. After a moment, you nodded slowly.

"I...I dreamed it I think." You murmured, knitting your eyebrows together. "And there was a part with you in a pink apron making pie, and us on a picnic...did those happen too?" You asked, searching his gaze. He finally nodded, a smile forming on his lips. You broke into a grin and moved forward, wrapping your arms around him as you gave him a hug. It took him back surprise, but he hugged you back, resting his chin on your shoulder.

After staying like that for a few moments, you pulled away, shaking your head. "I'm sorry I just...I'm really glad...that I remembered a bit." You said quickly, looking away. He grinned, bring his hand to your chin and turning your head to look at him again. 

"I'm glad too." He said softly, tracing the pad of his thumb to wipe away a tear you hadn't even noticed was falling. You closed your eyes, resting your head against his hand. You let out a small sigh as drowsiness overcame you again. Steve gently moved his hand, letting you lay down on your bed. He brought the blanket up, tucking you in as he watched you slowly fall asleep. 

Once he was certain you were asleep, he leaned down and kissed your forehead. "I love you Y/n" He murmured, then stood to leave your room, closing the door as quietly as he could, the latching sound that followed barely audible. 

You didn't wake up from any more nightmares that night, finally getting the good night sleep you'd been yearning for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FLUFFFFFF
> 
> This one was almost 3000 words, I just couldn't stop typing. I hope this doesn't disappoint, and once again thank you so much for the patience and understanding about my problematic situation!
> 
> I haven't gotten my laptop fixed, nor have I gotten a new one, but my mom has agreed to let me use her laptop for schoolwork and such. ♥ PHEW.
> 
> If you notice any spelling errors or something doesn't work, please let me know! Thanks for the feedback on the last few chapters, and the kudos have made me so happy!
> 
> Next chapter will be up in the next couple of days. :) ♥ Thank you guys so much!
> 
> Within the next two chapters there'll be a bit of smut (maybe probably if it works idk if not more fluff.) So stay tuned! ;)


	7. Drunken Encounters.

Waking up alone seemed like a slight disappointment for you. It had seemed to become a habit for you to wake up next to Steve, over the past few days that you'd been awake at least. You stretched leisurely, a satisfying popping noise coming from your toes as you stretched them, the air between your joints loosening up a bit after being so stiff asleep.

You peeked over at the clock on your nightstand, seeing that it was 10:42 in the morning. 

Holy shit. 

You sat up, your body begging to go back to bed and sleep some more, but you knew you needed to get your ass in gear, mainly because, even though you had a bit of an "adventure" the previous day, you doubted that your training would be cancelled. Thor and Natasha probably would have let you rest, but it seemed that Nick Fury ran the show and didn't like to have his plans altered.

You sunk your toes into the fluffy rug next to your bed, letting out a small sigh of regret that you had to move. You went to your closet and quickly changed into workout clothes - charcoal grey quarter length yoga pants, and a black tank top. You were in the middle of tying your sneakers when a knock sounded from your door. You looked up, rolling your eyes as you saw Tony leaning on the frame of the closet door.

"How long have you been there?" You quickly demanded, standing up too quickly, earning a slight head rush. You shook your head, trying to stop the dizzying effect, earning an obnoxious chuckle from Tony's direction.

"Take it easy there champ. We don't need you falling over and falling into another coma, now do we?" He said with a grin, and you shot a glare at him. "And to answer your question, you have a really nice bellybutton." He said, and you picked up the closest thing next to you - a black pair of pumps. You chucked it at him, surprised when you managed to nail him right in the forehead with one of the heels. 

Tony yelped and clutched his forehead, and you smirked in satisfaction that you'd managed to wipe that shit-eating grin off his face. Tony rubbed his forehead and glared at you. "Okay I guess I had that coming, but I didn't know you had any aim. Jesus." He mumbled, shaking his head. 

"Anyways, good news kiddo, training is cancelled for today because Fury IN FACT has a heart! Who knew right? Instead, You and me are going to play a game called 'let's show everything to Y/n that she's probably forgotten!', fun right?" He said, and you couldn't help but smile in relief that training was cancelled for the day. Tony gestured for you to leave the closet, and you followed him from your room, to the hall, and headed toward the elevator. 

"So, firstly, we're going to remind you of your love for all things me." He said with a grin and you narrowed your eyes at him, knowing all too well that he was full of it. The elevator dinged and you stepped inside. He pressed the button for the ground floor, and you figured he was just going to start from the bottom and work his way up. Boy were you wrong.

"Okay, we're going to your favorite - well what WAS your favorite clothes store, then we're hitting up the pet store and th-" You cut him off, a confused look on your face.

"Wait, I thought you were just showing me what's in the tower?" You said, suddenly a bit nervous that you were going out into the city. The only time you'd spent outside the building was when you were taken, and that had been far too much of a bad experience. Tony rolled his eyes. 

"Don't worry comatose. You're safe with me, besides, as long as they don't catch you by surprise, you can easily knock out a couple of baddies." He said, his tone a mix of sarcasm and reassurance. Surprisingly, it helped you relax a bit, and your previously stiff shoulders were no longer as tense. 

When you reached the ground floor, what met you was an underground parking lot. Endless rows of luxury and sports cars were what met your gaze, and your jaw dropped. Judging by the snicker from beside you, your shock was fairly obvious. You rolled your eyes as he led you down the rows of vehicles, stopping at a red Ferrari. He walked up and pressed a button, the doors opening upwardly. You got in the passenger seat, ready for whatever the day held in store.

When you returned to Stark tower, your stomach genuinely hurt from laughing, and you were stumbling all over the place. Tony had insisted that you join him at your apparent favorite bar at the end of the day trip, and you were basically wasted. Tony was only sober because he was still hungover from the previous night - plus he was driving. 

You surprised yourself that you managed to make it to the elevator, stubbornly refusing Tony's help to get you there. He seemed unable to stop laughing, for whatever weird reason you had no clue, but drunken you was too giggly to really question it, or care too much about .

Tony had offered to walk you to your room, but even drunk you knew better than to accept THAT offer. You stumbled around the hall that led to your suite, blindly feeling around for the doorknob. With a slight cheer as you felt the knob twist in your grip, you swung your door open, tripping over your own feet as you entered. You muttered a few curses and stabilized yourself with the help of a convenient table. Once you kicked your shoes off, you headed for your bedroom.

The door was slightly ajar, so you leaned on it to open the door, falling into the room and sprawling out on the floor. Carpets sure were interesting up close. You fiddled with the edge of a rug with your fingers, giggling to yourself, not realizing you were not alone in your room. 

Steve had been fast asleep, sprawled out on your bed with photos and open books scattered all around him. When you had burst into the room, he woke up immediately, but kept silent, not sure what you were doing when you flopped down onto the carpet, a fit of giggles erupting from you. He managed to put two and two together, realizing you were likely drunk.

"Y/n, come on you should go to sleep you're going to hate everything in the morning." Steve said, standing up and bending down to pull you to your feet. You let him lift you up, still a giggling mess, and once you were on your feet you flopped onto your bed and started looking at all the pictures.

"These aren't comfy ya know Steve? I think pillows are better than paper." You said, then snorted, for some reason thinking you made a clever joke. Steve just looked at you, shaking his head as he moved all the photos and books from the bed. Instead of laying down, you crawled to the edge of the bed, sitting on your knees so you could look up at him.

"Steeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeve" you whined, looking up at him with big eyes. Steve looked at you in confusion, cocking his head to the right. You smiled and leaned up, draping your arms over his shoulders. He was about you gently removed them from him, but you stretched upward so you were face to face.

"Steve c'mon" You urged, trying to pull him on to the bed with you. Steve quickly shook his head, squirming out of your vice-like grip and taking a few steps away from the bed, leaving you sitting there with a look of confusion on your face.

"Y/n, you're drunk you need to sleep." He said, biting the inside of his cheek. He was pretty pissed at Tony for letting you leave the tower in the first place, fuming that he'd let you get to the point where you were drunk.

"Just come cuddle with me pleeeeeease?" You begged, slurring your speech as you batted your eyelashes up at him - something you rarely did. Apparently though, it worked, because the next thing you knew Steve was laying next to you on his side. You rolled over so you were facing him, training his chest through his shirt. 

Steve inhaled sharply as he reached down to still your hand, but you just looked at him, wiggling a bit closer so your faces were barely an inch apart. "You know being drunk just lets you express what you really want that you're too worried to do while sober right?" You murmured, looking at him closely.

Steve just shook his head, leaning back slightly so he wasn't as close. "Your judgement is still clouded and you regret what happens most of the time." He said, watching you carefully. You let out a sigh of exasperation, moving closer again. It was a bit of a battle, as Steve kept inching away as you kept inching forward.

Finally, you two ran out of bed, and when you made a large movement, you both flopped off the bed and onto the floor - you leaning over Steve with one of your legs on either side of his waist. Steve went to move, but you quickly stopped him, leaning down and kissing him.

Your lips pressed against his softly. At first you were the only one kissing, but Steve slowly began to return the movements, his hands sliding up to rest on your hips as the two of you deepened the kiss. You rested one of your hands on his chest, the other cupping his cheek. 

You had to pull away, gasping lightly for air. When you looked down you saw Steve's face had turned red, obvious even with the darkness of the room. The shock of what you'd done seemed to sober you up a little, and you quickly scrambled off of him, backing up against the wall. You shook your head quickly, your face burning.

"I'm sorry Steve...I...I'm so sorry." Your voice cracked slightly, and you swallowed, your throat suddenly very dry. Steve stood up and shook his head, looking at you apologetically. He was about to say something but you stood up and ran out of the room, stumbling around as you were still drunk. You managed to get out of your suite and ran for the elevator.

Unfortunately, Steve caught up pretty quickly and he gently but firmly grabbed your arm, stopping you from going any further.  
"Y/n, look at me." He said, but you refused. You took his other hand and put it under your chin. He tilted your head up, forcing you to look at him. Your gaze was teary but you forced yourself to make eye contact.

"It's not your fault. You're drunk, I should have resisted more but I let myself gi-" He stopped talking, letting go of you and turning away. Your eyebrows furrowed together as you looked at him.

"Let yourself what?" You asked. It was your turn to make contact now, and you gently put your hand on his cheek, a bit surprised when he closed his eyes and leaned into your palm. Steve inhaled deeply, then opened his eyes, his crystal clear blue gaze meeting your (e/c) one. 

"Let myself give into past feelings." He said quietly, and you bit your lip, looking down. Past feelings...feelings he remembered but you didn't. Feelings that you knew you'd felt, but had no memory of feeling...feelings that lingered. After a moment of silence you looked back up at him, removing your hand from his cheek and taking a step back.

"I'm so sorry Steve...I wish...I wish I could remember more." You whispered, holding his gaze as you waited for him to say something...say anything. You knew this was torture for him - a cruel punishment for doing absolutely nothing wrong. You knew he blamed himself for the entire situation, but you needed to figure out how to tell him...make him see that it wasn't his fault.

"Y/n, It doesn't matter how long it takes, I'll help you remember. I promise." He murmured, stepping forward and pulling you into a gentle embrace. You rested your cheek on his chest, listening to his heart beating steadily. You closed your eyes, slipping your arms around him as you returned the hug.

There was a sudden voice coming from the speakers near the elevator, startling you from the hug.

"Oh come on, you're really going to leave it at that? Clint was so close to giving me the money!" Came a whiny voice that was obviously Tony. You felt your cheeks grow hot, and recognized the sound of a crunch food...popcorn maybe? 

"Like you were this close back in her room Capsicle, I even got her shitfaced for you! But NOOOO someone's too much of a gentleman to let drunken girls make risky decisions!" Continued Tony, wondering why he was ranting about something like this. Then you guessed it - he was probably drunker than you. You swore you heard someone laughing in the background - thinking it sounded like Clint. You shook your head, pressing the elevator button.

You heard what sounded like someone falling out of a chair followed by another bout of laughter, and you gestured for Steve to follow you quickly, deciding to give Tony a little bit of payback for interrupting the moment and turning it into an embarrassment. 

Tony left the microphone on, and started drunkenly ranting again, this time it was too slurred to understand, and impossible to decode. You covered your mouth with your hand to stifle a laugh, glad when the elevator doors slid open to reveal the floor where Tony could view the camera feeds throughout the building. 

You and Steve slipped into the hall, headed for the door that had the only visible light peeking through. You opened the door silently, revealing a drunken Tony wrestling for Clint's wallet. Clint was definitely sober, and obviously trying to keep it together, for the sake of his wallet. 

"Tony, you're a pervert." You said, crossing your arms over your chest and pouting. You were still obviously drunk, but apparently you sobered up quickly, as you were no where near as hard to understand as before. Tony froze, looking up at you from his place on the floor with Clint, and scrambled to break away, knocking over a chair in the process.

"Y/n, you gotta be drunker next time, like me, then Cap can finally get laid!" Tony said, clapping his hands together with a gleeful grin on his face. You rolled your eyes and walked right over to the monitors behind him, shoving him out of the way and sitting down. You looked at the many screens, glad they were divided into sections - Thor's area, Bruce's, Loki's etc. When you saw yours, you took the nearest solid object - a wrench for whatever reason - and proceeded to smash it right into the screen. 

Tony let out a strangled yelp and lunged for you, grabbing the wrench. "Fucking hell Y/n, why'd you do that?!" He whined, looking at the mess. You shrugged then stomped out, heading for the elevator again. You knew he'd have the screen fixed by tomorrow, but that would give you enough time to find the cameras in your suite and take them down. 

Steve had a goofy grin on his face as he followed you. "c'mon, you should get some sleep." Was all he said as he pressed the elevator button, waiting with you until it opened and you could step inside, pressing the button for your floor. You let out a small sigh at the realization that you and Steve had kissed, and you felt your cheeks grow warm at the recent memory.

Steve seemed the notice, because he looked at you quizzically. You looked away, glad when you reached your floor, and you headed for your room, ready to have, hopefully, another good night's sleep.

Unfortunately though, very few people can control their dreams. You were not among those individuals who could.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the delay with this chapter! I was having a major writer's block. I'm still not too sure about this chapter, but I knew I had to write SOMETHING for you patiently waiting wonderful lovelies! 
> 
> As always, thank you for the feedback and kudos, and if there's any errors you find please let me know!
> 
> Next chapter will be up in the next few days if all goes as planned! Thanks again! ♥


	8. Close but no Cigar

You dreamed you were back in that chair, your arms strapped tightly to the armrests, and no matter how much you struggled, you just couldn't break free. Sweat had gathered on your forehead, and drops were trickling down the back of your neck. You lashed your head around wildly, but the room your were in was pitch black. There was no sign of light whatsoever, and it was deadly quiet.

The only sound that echoed in the room was your rapid breathing and the pounding of your own heart, the sound rushing through your head. You wanted to scream, but something prevented you from even being able to let the tiniest of sounds exit your mouth. Panic was rising from the pit of your stomach, and your squeezed your eyes shut, shaking your head.

At that point in time, you were not aware that this was just a dream...the experience felt too real for it to be a dream. Your eyes flew open when you heard a noise, it sounded almost like metal grinding on metal - perhaps a door being opened. You sucked in a breath, waiting for whatever was going to happen next. 

A deep, brooding laugh echoed through the room, causing you to be unsure as to where the sound originated from. You continued to hold you breath, blood rushing to your ears as footsteps sounded from one of the corners of the room. At this moment, your throat decided to work, and a tiny whimper sounded from you. You mentally cursed yourself for choosing now of all times to make a noise.

"Let's pick up where we left off, shall we?" The familiar voice of the man who'd been seemingly in charge of kidnapping you before sent a chill down your spine. You thrashed your head, trying to loosen the leather bounds on your arms and legs, but it did nothing but aggravate your previous cuts and bruises, adding to the collection. You winced, gritting your teeth together.

"Don't you fucking touch me." You growled, surprised at your own choice of words, and the ferocity behind them. The sound of a crisp snap reverberated through the room, and lights came on. The blinding glare of the light made you reflexively shut your eyes and duck your head. A cruel chuckle came from the man as he stuck the tip of a blade under your chin, pressing slightly so you were forced to move your head up again. You kept your eyes shut, ignoring the sting as he cut underneath your chin. He let out a growl as he removed the blade, squeezing your throat tightly.

You gasped, managing to get a little bit of air before he clutched your throat. The pressure was increasing, and you could feel yourself growing faint, close to blacking out. Finally, you passed out - only to wake up, safe in your bed. 

The sheets were wrapped tightly around you, due to your thrashing and struggling around while you slept. You managed to untangle yourself and sit up, wiping your eyes quickly. You took a shaky breath, running your hand lightly over your throat, your fingertips tracing the cut from the actual kidnapping lightly.

You exhaled slowly through your nose and stood up, adjusting your over sized t-shirt and heading for the door, figuring some tea would probably help calm you down a bit. You went to the elevator, your bare feet making a light slapping sound with every footstep on the cold flooring.

After a short ride in the elevator, you reached the main kitchen, heading straight for the stove. The electric kettle stood beside it, plugged into the wall. You picked it up off of it's stand, going to the sink and turning on the tap, filling the kettle up and setting it back down on it's original spot. You turned it on and searched through a cupboard for a mug. You pulled out a mug with the words "Super Size" on it. It was a larger mug, but you set it down on the counter anyways. You went to another cupboard and searched through it, pulling out your favorite tea and setting a teabag into the mug.

When the kettle timer went off, you poured the water into the mug, grabbing the sugar and milk as you let it steep. You traced your finger along the cut again, closing your eyes as you tried to block out the image of that man from your mind. You realized your hands were trembling uncontrollably and you shook your head, getting a spoon to take out the teabag, then put in the amount of sugar and milk you wanted. After putting everything away, you climbed up and sat on the counter, crossing your legs as you held the warm mug, your hands still shaking a bit, but they'd calmed down enough for it to be "safe" to hold a hot mug of tea without spilling.

You took a long sip, your shoulders that you hadn't even realized were tensed up, relaxed as the warmth spread throughout your body. You let out a sigh of relief, closing your eyes as you held onto the mug. You nearly dropped it when you heard someone clear their throat, and you whipped your head in the direction, breathing out quickly as you saw Steve standing there.

"You scared me..." You said softly, shaking your head as you let out a shaky laugh. Steve smiled slightly and walked over to you. You blushed and looked away quickly, as you noticed that he was only wearing baggy grey sweatpants and no shirt. Steve sat up on the counter next to you, looking at you curiously.

"Why are you up? It's 3 in the morning." He asked softly, an eyebrow raised in question. You didn't meet his gaze, continuing to stare at your cup as you answered him.

"I um...another nightmare." You muttered, taking a sip of tea after you spoke. Steve frowned, putting his hand over yours and giving a reassuring squeeze. You felt your stomach begin a trapeze act, flipping at the smallest gesture he could possibly have made. You didn't pull your hand away, lifting your head to meet his gaze.

Neither of you said a word, only looked at each other for what felt like an eternity of silence. You set down your mug of tea and put your hand on his, squeezing it lightly as he'd done with your own. You weren't sure if it was or expression, or that simple touch, but Steve took that as a hint. He leaned in and kissed you softly, your lips moving against his immediately. The kiss deepened and you moved your hand from his up to his cheek, resting it there as your mouth worked against his.

You broke apart, breathing heavily. You rested your forehead against his, moving your hand down his cheek to his bare chest. Steve's pupils were large, and he had a look in his eyes you didn't recognize, but it caused your heart to race. You move your legs slightly so you were sitting on your knees, then leaned in to kiss him again. 

His hands found their way to your thighs, and he gently pulled you down so you were straddling his lap. He kissed you a bit deeper, pressing his perfect lips against your own. Your mouth parted, a small moan escaping your lips, but it was muffled due to his own feverish kisses. Steve took advantage of this and traced his tongue over your separated lips, then let it slide into your mouth. You hesitantly moved your tongue against his, soon relaxing as the movement began to feel natural. 

Steve stood up, holding on to you carefully with his hands settled under your thighs. He moved you to the island that was in the middle of the kitchen and sat you down, his arms sliding up your thighs and squeezing your hips gently. He resumed the kissing and you ran your hands through his hair, eager for something - anything to hold as your motions sped up. 

He abandoned your lips and placed a few kisses across your jaw, then down your neck. He settled his mouth on your collar bone, grazing his teeth lightly across it as he moved your shirt out of the way enough to allow enough room to continue his path. You leaned your head back, breathing heavily. You welcomed the distraction from your previous nightmare, and it was almost completely gone from your thoughts at that moment, until Steve moved his mouth up - pressing soft, slow kisses on your jaw. 

When his mouth settled on the spot where that...that creep had licked, your eyes shot open and you pushed Steve away, with more force than you'd intended. He stumbled back, recovering quickly as he looked at you. You saw his eyes widen in realization when he noticed the tears threatening to fall. He quickly moved to you and pulled you into a hug. You rested your head on his bare chest, grateful for the comforting warmth that seemed to radiate off of him. You let out a shudder as the thought crossed your mind again.

Your eyes had fluttered closed, not realizing you dozed off for a few moments. A long, low whistle sounded from the doorway, and your eyes flew open. Your head snapped up and you saw Tony standing in the doorway with a cheeky grin on his face, his arms crossed.

"Man Cap, close but no cigar." He said with a snort and you glared at Tony. 

"Do you always spy on people who want to be alone?" You asked through clenched teeth, getting a bit annoyed at the fact that Tony couldn't seem to stay out of people's personal business. He laughed, nodding.

"Yes for the most part. Anyways, Spangles, we've uh, we've got a slight problem... it's Bucky again." Said Tony, scratching the back of his head awkwardly as he chose his words carefully - very unlike the Tony you'd gotten to know. Steve's body went tense, and you looked at him in confusion. 

"Who's Bucky?" You asked softly, hesitant to ask. Steve breathed out a small sigh, the air tickling the top of your head as he was still close. 

"Come on, I'll explain on the way. Tony, where is he?" Steve questioned, releasing you from his embrace finally. Tony cleared his throat.

"He's in containment right now but he's still having a bad time." Tony said as the two of you started to follow him out of the kitchen. You quickly reached forward and snatched Steve's hand, not looking up for a moment. 

When you looked up he was staring down at you. "Steve, who is Bucky?" You asked again, giving him a pleading look. Steve squeezed your hand gently, running his thumb over your knuckles.

"He's my best friend." Steve said, then continued walking, and you had to take quick steps in order to keep up with his pace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time to bring Bucky into the mix! This is going to be the last chapter with an in depth dream or nightmare for a while, just because I don't want there to be a ridiculous amount of dreams and stuff in the story that make it seem predictable and kind of old news!
> 
> Thank you so much for your patience on this chapter, been busy with real life things, so thank you for understanding!
> 
> Please let me know if you find anything wrong with the chapter! Constructive criticism is boss!  
> The next chapter will be up within a few days, so stay tuned! :) ♥


	9. Hi Bucky

Bucky was Steve's best friend. In all honesty, you'd assumed Steve's best friend would be a more common topic of conversation. This was the first time you'd even heard the name "Bucky", and even though you knew you'd only been consciously here for a short while, you still thought it strange you'd never heard even a whisper about this guy.

Steve refused to even look in your direction as Tony, him, and yourself walked briskly down the hall. You kept your gaze planted on your toes, the slap of your bare feet on the hard floor echoing through the hall. Tony called for JARVIS to open the elevator door, and you raised an eyebrow. Was it really too much effort to press a button? Tony glanced back at you, seeming to notice the quizzical etched on your face, and he grinned.

"I like to save my fingers for more important things." He said in a purposely husky tone, wiggling his fingers near your face. You landed an automated slap on his wrist, satisfied with the loud smacking sound. Tony pouted, ripping his hand away and putting it over his chest in mock offense.

Steve looked ready to say something, but the doors opened and you stepped inside the elevator shaft after Steve. You stood closest to the entrance, hugging your arms as you glanced up at Steve every so often. The elevator ride was a quick one, and the cheerful "ding" sounded. You all filed out of the confined moving box, you more eager than Tony or Steve. You were greeted with what looked like a normal apartment, brown leather furniture was arranged nicely throughout what you assumed to be the living-room, matching tables with polished dark wood sat beside the couch and in front of two leather chairs. The whole place smelled like leather and wood polish.

It was a pretty calming atmosphere...if you ignored the yelling and sounds of something blunt being continuously beaten against. You looked at Steve with wide eyes, but his expression was vacant. He let out a sigh, and started toward a shut door. It had a keypad next to it, and he punched in a few numbers. The door unlocked and he opened it, revealing what you'd originally thought to be a thick glass window.

Inside was a disheveled looking man. He looked like a caged animal, his long, dark brown hair unruly and tangled. He was breathing heavily as he banged on one of the walls, his eyes were wild and angry, but he didn't seem to notice Steve, Tony, or you yet. He was yelling and screaming, some of which was definitely not English...the similarity between the words he used and the words you heard when you'd been taken were uncanny, and you felt a shiver travel down your spine. A glint in the light caught your eye, and you inhaled sharply when you noticed his arm. Why was it metal? You moved a bit closer to the window, trying to get a closer look. 

For some reason, his attention snapped toward you and Steve, and his eyes narrowed dangerously. Your breath caught in your throat, your hand finding it's way to Steve's. You gripped it nervously as the hostile looking man slowly made his way to the window, but relaxed as Steve gave you a gently squeeze, attempting to calm you a little. 

"You want to try and do it Cap, or did you want me to knock him out and restrain him first?" Tony questioned, glancing at Bucky then settling his gaze on Steve. 

Steve shook his head, letting go of your hand. "I'll just talk to him from out here till he's settled down, then we'll go in." Steve replied, and your attention snapped up to him. We'll go in? He didn't really think you should go in there with him, did he? 

Bucky was close to the glass, breathing hotly against the window, causing it to fog up. You could hear the heavy panting, and you slowly looked at his face. You seemed to be one for making mistakes...going on the roof and getting taken, the accident that caused your memory loss to begin with, and now making eye-contact with Bucky. It threw him into a rage, and he started banging harshly on the window.

You flinched and shrank away, wishing you could just disappear. Steve wrapped his arm around your shoulder protectively, then started speaking, his voice calm and collected as always.

"You're name is James Buchanan Barnes. You like to be called Bucky. You're in Stark Tower and you're safe. You're not in any danger." It seemed almost like he was reciting the words out of habit. "Bucky just try to relax, you're okay. You're safe." He kept repeating the words a over and over, and the dangerous look in Bucky's eyes seemed to ebb away...resulting in a shaking, broken looking man.

You bit your lower lip out of habit, looking at him as you waited for something...anything to happen.

"Y/n? You're awake?" Bucky asked softly, pressing the palm of his human hand to the glass, surely leaving a print if he were to pull it away. You knit your eyebrows together, noting the relief growing in his eyes. You quickly looked at Steve, almost afraid to give an explanation, and when you tried to speak, no words came out of your mouth.

Steve held you a bit closer as he met his best friend's gaze. "She's awake Buck...but she doesn't remember." He said softly, and Bucky frowned, looking at you once more. He looked almost as though he couldn't believe you were clueless to everything you should have been able to recognize.

"It's nice to meet you...again apparently." You blurted out, earning a chuckle from Bucky, a grin from Steve, and a snort from Tony. Your cheeks grew hot, and Bucky seemed to relax, his shoulders that were once tense, easing up. His eyes glittered with a more humorous light, but he looked tired.

"You think you could let me out of here Tony? I could really use something relaxing." Bucky asked, smirking a bit.

Tony wrinkled his nose, looking at Bucky. "Something relaxing like a shower, I bet you wreak." He said teasingly, but called for Jarvis to open the window. The glass slid up into the frame, disappearing, and Bucky stepped out, cracking his knuckles. 

"Sorry for the little show" He apologized, winking in your direction. You felt yourself stiffen and your cheeks get significantly warmer, so you quickly looked down. Steve sighed, gesturing for Tony to leave first. 

"C'mon Bucky let's go make you some tea." Steve offered, letting go of your shoulder as he started to walk out of Bucky's room. You went to follow Steve out of the room, but were quickly yanked backward. You spun around, Bucky less than an inch away from your face. He gripped your wrist with his metal arm, and you looked down at it, then back up at him, your eyes showing your fear. 

He gave you a small smirk, then hugged you, whispering into your ear. "I'm glad you're back doll." Then let you go, leaving the room quickly. You stood there, noticing for the first time that you were trembling. You hugged your arms to your stomach and quickly left the area, breaking into a jog to catch up to Steve. 

After a short elevator ride, the four of you were back in the kitchen. When you glanced at the kitchen Island, you blushed deeply, the memory of you and Steve's encounter just about an hour before rushing back to your mind. Steve seemingly was thinking the same thing, because his face was beet red. At least you weren't the only one to look embarrassed, so that was an upside.

Tony flicked on the kettle, which was still half full after you'd filled it up before. Bucky tilted his head, walking to the counter and picking up your now cold mug of tea. He looked in your direction and Steve's, raising an eyebrow curiously. You quickly looked away, not offering any form of explanation, knowing you wouldn't be able to stumble through your words.

Tony grinned, looking at You, then Steve. "Oh yeah, I guess you never finished your tea, huh y/n?" Tony began, and you shot a glare at him, silently pleading for him to shut up...but he didn't. "And by the way I think I'll have to sterilize that island, you should really wear more covering clothing while wandering around the building."

You let out a small growl, grabbing the closest thing in your reach and throwing it in Tony's direction - which happened to be a box with teabags inside. Tony tried to duck, but it managed to hit him squarely in the face. Bucky let out a howl of laughter, and Steve grinned, nodding at Tony. 

"You kind of had that one coming." Steve pointed out, and Tony gave you a grudging look.

"Not bad Comatose, your aim's gotten better." He said gruffly, and you rolled your eyes. The kettle clicked and Tony poured the hot water into two mugs - one for Bucky, and then the mug you'd used previously. "Figured you'd actually want to finish your tea this time." Tony explained with a wink, causing you to look interested in the pattern on the floor. 

You sat down at the counter with Bucky and Steve, you were sitting in the middle. Tony was leaning against the island, inspecting it closely. You shuddered when he wiped a hand on the marbled surface, then grinned. "Damn cap, seems like you did a shitty job if she didn't even leave a trace o-" he yelped when an orange from the fruit bowl on the counter went sailing in his direction, hitting the side of his head. "JESUS FINE! I'M GOING TO BED!" he yelled, storming from the kitchen. 

You breathed a sigh of relief when he was gone. Bucky chuckled, shaking his head. "I think we all need to go to bed after this, it's barely 4:30..." He mumbled, and you noticed the dark circles under his eyes, indicating he'd been having more trouble than you when it came to sleeping.

Steve shrugged, leaning back on his chair. "I'll probably just go for a run, it's close to that time anyway." He said, looking over at you. You were tracing your index finger around the edge of your mug, watching the steam rise from the warmth of your tea. You went to take a sip, but Bucky cleared his throat, causing your to pause and look over at him. He'd raised his cup expectantly, and you tilted your head.

"C'mon, let's toast." He said with a cheeky grin, and you pursed your lips, raising your mug as well and clinking it gently against his own.

"To whatever the future holds." Bucky said, and you laughed softly, shaking your head as you repeated the words he'd chosen. You didn't notice the worried look Steve was giving you, as you'd closed to your eyes to enjoy your tea.

you also didn't notice the look Bucky was giving Steve in return, smirking slightly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked this chapter, and I was kind of leaning towards maybe have Steve, Bucky, and the reader have some sort of love triangle, but I wasn't sure what you guys would think! If you could maybe leave a comment on your opinion as to what you think I should do, that'd be great! :)
> 
> If you notice anything wrong with this chapter, please let me know! Feedback is welcome!
> 
> Next chapter will be up by Monday! :)


	10. History tends to repeat itself

After you and Bucky had finished your tea, you took his mug and placed both yours and his into the sink, a soft clinking sound sounding from the contact. You turned away to see both Steve and Bucky watching you carefully. You tilted your head, but didn't question them, only headed for the door.

"Er...good morning...or night guys." You said softly, then left, heading for the elevator to go back to your floor. Neither of them followed, mainly because they were having a pretty serious conversation...about you.

You entered the elevator, pressing the button to your floor. Once you reached your destination, you stepped onto the once again cold floor. You wiggled your toes, enjoying the cool touch. After a few moments of standing there with your eyes closed, you made your way back to your suite, entering and closing the door behind you.

You had a serious expression on your face as you passed a mirror, and you looked at your appearance. You couldn't help but wonder how someone like Steve had managed to fall for the person you once were. You wondered if you'd ever be able to feel what he felt again.

For some reason, thoughts of Bucky drifted into your mess of thoughts. You looked at your face, wondering what had happened to make him have that...experience. The fit he threw was more of a rage attack than a fit, and it scared you. It scared you that he just returned to being a normal-ish guy once he settled down, as if nothing had happened. It also scared you that you were even thinking of him in the first place, when you'd originally been questioning how Steve's affection for you had come to be.

You shook your head quickly, squeezing your eyes shut as you pushed the rambling thoughts from your mind, making your way back to your bedroom, flopping down onto the soft bedding. You breathed out a small sigh of relief, relaxing as you sunk into the comfortable bed, your fatigue finally overtaking you and your mind drifting off to sleep.

When you awoke, there were streams of light peeking through the curtains. You welcomed the sunshine, but wondered how late in the day it actually was. You stretched, a groan finding it's way from your body as you did. You sat, swinging your legs over the side of the bed. You sunk your toes into the fluffy rug, wiggling them for a moment before standing up and heading to the bathroom, wanting to brush your teeth as you were pretty sure you had some nasty morning breath after the late night tea you had.

Once you finished that, you left the bathroom and changed into a pair of dark blue skinny jeans and a loose t-shirt. You exited your suite and headed down the hall to the elevator, surprised to find Bucky inside once the doors slid open. He shot you a small smirk, nodding in greeting.

"Good morning...or should I say afternoon?" He said with a slightly teasing tone. You narrowed your eyes, getting into the elevator with him and pressing the button for the kitchen floor as you seemed to do often.

"It's only 1, it's not that late." You defended, your cheeks reddening as you spoke. Bucky let out a chuckle, grinning mischievously at you.

"Miss Y/n, Mr Stark would like to see you in the monitor room when you get the chance." Sounded a pleasant British voice. It startled you, but you relaxed when you realized it was only J.A.R.V.I.S. You bit your lip, wondering what he wanted from you, but pressed the correct button to get you there. You waved slightly at Bucky when you parted ways, and you walked down a hall.

You reached a metal door, and tapped on it lightly. The door slid open and you poked your head inside. Tony spun around on an office chair with his fingers laced and a grin on his face.

"I thought you might like to see this." Tony said, and you recognized that look in his eyes - the look that indicated he was up to no good. You walked forward cautiously, glancing over onto one of the screens. It was paused on the moment you left Steve and Bucky in the kitchen early that morning, and you tilted your head in confusion.

"Tony, what is this?" You asked uncertainly, your shoulders tensed. Tony gestured for you to sit down beside him, and you did, waiting for him to say something. Instead, he started the recorded footage, and you watched with your eyebrows scrunched together.

 

~Footage.~

Steve watched as you disappeared into the elevator, waiting for the doors to close completely before turning to his best friend. His expression looked like he was forcing himself not to frown, his jaw noticeably clenched and his hands in tight fists. Bucky had a much more calm demeanor as he leaned against the counter with his arms crossed.

"I know what you're thinking Bucky, and I'm asking you not to." Steve said with a steely calm tone. Bucky raised an eyebrow, watching Steve carefully before speaking.

"Whatever happens happens Steve, you of all people should know that." He spoke with an obviously false tone of innocence, smirking slightly. Steve closed his eyes, shaking his head.

"Bucky, you know what she means to me, please don't do this." He asked, his eyes pleading. Bucky looked at his friend, raising an eyebrow.

"I think it's her choice, Steve, just like before." Bucky said, his eyebrows furrowing as he got a bit of a sad look on his face. Steve just shook his head, putting a hand on his friend's shoulder.

"I know...just please try not to...you know." Steve said, taking his hand off then turning away, leaving Bucky in the kitchen.

Bucky looked at his feet, shaking his head as he let out a small sigh.

"History tends to repeat itself..." He muttered, then headed out of the kitchen as well.

~end of Footage~

Tony paused the footage, turning to look at you. You had a blank look on your face as thoughts rushed through your head. What did Bucky mean "just like before", and what was Steve even talking about as to what he didn't want Bucky to do? Tony cleared his throat, looking pretty pleased.

"You know that saying, "Bros before hoes", Y/n? Well you're one of the few exceptions to that rule apparently, though I never really figured out why, I mean you didn't put out until y-" You turned and smacked Tony on his cheek...hard. You didn't know why he thought you'd even want to see this - why he thought it was a good idea to show you this, or how he even came to find this footage. Did he really sift through everything in order to find something juicy?

He clutched his cheek, glaring at you, but still had that trademark smirk. "I found it when I was looking for what I walked in on you and Steve doing this morning." He said with a snicker, and you stood up abruptly. You pushed the chair away and stormed out of the room, your face red - with anger or embarrassment, you didn't quite know. Ignoring the calls of protests from Tony, you broke into a run down the hall and pressed for the elevator, breathing heavily. When the doors opened you stumbled inside, rapidly pressing the "close door" button as you saw Tony jogging down the hall after you.

The doors closed and you breathed a sigh of relief. You knew he could just call for J.A.R.V.I.S to open them again, but he seemed to get the hint you needed to be alone and left you to your thoughts. You felt like you were going to be sick, the violent turning of your stomach a welcome distraction from what you'd seen on that video. You didn't press any floor button, just slid down the elevator wall and sat in the corner, hugging your legs to your chest as you rested your chin on your knees. Your eyes closed as you took a few deep breaths.

You were too absorbed in your thoughts to notice the elevator had started to move. A few moments later, the doors slid open. You looked up to see Natasha standing there with her arms crossed and an eyebrow raised.

"I was just going to go find you for training." She said, looking you over as she waited for an explanation.

"Tony's a dick." You simply muttered, standing up and fiddling with a loose thread on the end of your t-shirt. "I'll go change and meet you for training." You said quickly, pressing the button for your floor. Natasha smirked.

"Alright, and I know he's a dick, he's Tony." She said with pursed lips, and you let out a small laugh, grateful for the agreeing opinion.

Once you changed, you headed for the gym where you trained, surprisingly excited to work out your frustration. Sure, you'd already slapped the bejesus out of Tony, but you were still pretty upset.

You dove right into the workout, warming up with Natasha as the two of you ran laps. She didn't go easy on you, and you were glad, as you wanted to keep up with a challenge. After about 45 minutes of you running, you moved onto calisthenics, push ups, crunches, sit ups, squats, grasshoppers, and others you didn't even remember the names of. By the end of that you were sweating quite a bit, but you weren't tired - you were more than ready to spar.

Unfortunately, your anger seemed to make you sloppy. Natasha landed hit after hit, move after move, and choke after choke on you. After a while, you were gasping for air. Natasha stood above you, holding out her hand to help you up.

"I think that's enough for today, you're too reckless to focus on your moves at the same time as mine. You'd be dead in a fight if this were real." She teased, and you stood with her help, still breathing hard. You lifted the bottom of your shirt, wiping your face on it and exposing your stomach. When you dropped it, you saw both Bucky and Steve standing in the doorway, looking at you in surprise. The events of that day came rushing back, and you stormed to the doorway, rushing past the two.

"Thanks Natasha!" you called, breaking into a run for the staircase. You ran up two flights, stopping on a platform as you got a cramp in your side. You clutched your stomach, your lungs begging for the chance to get a decent amount of air. You knew that if either of them wanted to follow you, they'd assume you'd went on the elevator as you always did, or at least you hoped they'd assume. You slid down the wall, sitting against the cold surface and closing your eyes, counting the breaths you took.

You were about to take breath number 203 when you heard someone clear their throat. Your head snapped up and you saw Bruce standing on a step away from you. You looked at him, then down.

"Tony told me about showing you the video. I gotta say you've got a right to be mad." He said, stepping up and sitting down next to you with his legs stretched out. You let out a short laugh, shaking your head.

"I can't decide who's worse, drunk Tony or sober Tony." You joked halfheartedly, and Bruce gave you a melancholy smile.

"It's a tie, he's just naturally an ass...but an ass who means well...most of the time anyway." He replied, nudging your shoulder gently with his own. You heaved a sigh, resting your head against the wall and shutting your eyes. You couldn't really believe it at that time that Tony ''meant well'' when he decided to show you the video, but you figured it best not to argue.

"There are SOME videos you might like...they're pretty old but they're saved, and if you want I can show you." He offered, raising an eyebrow. You bit the inside of your cheek, hesitant to see anymore footage that might confuse and freak you out, but you decided you had to be brave sooner or later, and nodded.

"Okay, let's go then." You said with a small smile and heaved yourself up, offering Bruce your hand. He took it and pulled himself up, then let go. You followed him up a few flights of stairs, ending up in the same floor Tony had shown you the footage from that morning in, and you paused, almost regretting your decision. Bruce gave you a reassuring pat on the back, and you followed him inside, wondering just what videos he was planning on showing you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So we're going with the love triangle idea, but those who don't like the idea - fear not, Bucky won't be stealing anything ;)
> 
> If you see anything wrong with the chapter please let me know, feedback is wonderful!


	11. From 0-100 Real Quick

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning - this does mention some news about a miscarriage, so if you're sensitive to that content please be warned. I'll do a quick recap of what you missed at the beginning of the next chapter.

Needless to say, the videos Bruce showed you, had you laughing uncontrollably within the first ten minutes of being there. Your personal favorite had been the video of you and Tony sneaking into Clint's room to do the classic "warm water wet the bed prank." 

Seeing Clint wake up with a start and race to the bathroom with such desperation had you clutching your sides. You wiped a stray tear from the corner of your eyes as you tried to stop laughing. It seemed like Tony and you had been pretty good friends, though you still couldn't understand fully why he chose to show you the footage from the previous night, you determined that maybe he wasn't as bad as you'd originally thought him to be.

You tilted your head as the mouse went over a file labelled "Can't Touch This." 

"What's that one Bruce?" You asked, looking over at him curiously. A confused look washed over his face as he tried to click it. A password icon popped up, and he shrugged.

"It's on your file so you must have put it there. I wonder what's in there that requires a password." He mumbled, seemingly to himself as you tried to think. You knew that 'Can't Touch This' was a popular song, but why would a locked file be titled that. You frowned, looking at it blankly.

"Maybe try my birthday, it could be the code." You suggested, wanting to know what was in that file. Bruce typed in the birth year, but no luck. He then tried your birth month and birth date, then tried reversing them when those didn't work either. You frowned, trying to think of another number. Your eyes lit up at an idea. 

"Do you know the um...the date Steve and I started going out?" You asked, then spoke again "Or maybe the day we met?" You looked up at Bruce hopefully, and he shrugged, typing in the dates quickly. Still, no luck. You huffed, knitting your eyebrows together as you struggled to figure out this puzzle.

A knock on the door startled you from your thoughts, and you rushed to your feet in a panic. You immediately felt dizzy from the head rush, and clutched the side of the desk as you tried to steady yourself. 

"Come in" Bruce said, moving to put a firm hand on your shoulder, trying to get you to sit down. You stubbornly refused, shrugging him off and stepping away from the desk, looking at who had entered the room. 

"What're you two up to?" asked Steve, who was standing there with his eyebrows raised as he glanced between you and Bruce. You grinned, suddenly having an idea.

"Do you know the password for this? Or maybe an important number that you remember me being obsessed with?" You asked hopefully, gravitating toward him and tugging on his arm to look at the screen, resembling that of an excited child pulling their mother through a toy store. Bruce let out a chuckle, and Steve looked bewildered.

Deciding to go with it, he leaned down to look at the screen, tilting his head curiously. 

"Can't touch this? Isn't that a song?" He asked, looking over at Bruce for an answer. He nodded, and Steve looked at the file again, his expression serious and concentrating. You stifled a giggle at how lost he looked, but nearly jumped out of your skin when the door burst open again. You yelped, ducking behind your chair.

"What the hell, I take a nap and you guys are invading my shit?" Tony said, pinching the bridge of his nose and closing his eyes, shaking his head. You breathed out a small sigh of relief, standing up and gesturing to the screen.

"Do you know what the password for this is?" You asked hopefully, pushing aside the previous conflict you'd had with the smartass and focusing on finding out what the hell was in that file. "But you can't look in it if you know the password please, I don't know what's in it and it might be personal." You added quickly, but Tony was already diving into the group huddle, inspecting the screen carefully.

"If it's a sex tape I'm staying to watch." He said, wiggling his eyebrows before returning to look at the screen. You rolled your eyes, silently praying that it wasn't a sex tape. Tony clicked a few times, typing in a variety of numbers, but he shook his head.

"Normally I could over-ride the file but you've got some weird ass unbreakable wall shit going on here. It must be a sex tape or something because I've got no idea what else would need such a heavy protection method. JARVIS can't even break into it, he's been programmed not to." He said, turning around to look at you. You frowned, shaking your head in confusion before looking at Steve, not really thinking before speaking.

"Did we ever make a sex tape or something?" You asked, then froze, clamping your hand over your mouth with wide eyes. Tony let out a fit of laughter, falling out of the chair he'd been sitting on, and Bruce held his breath, obviously trying not to laugh. 

Steve cleared his throat, shaking his head quickly as his face turned beet red. "Uh no...not that I know of." He croaked out, and your own face was as hot as his looked. Shit, not that you were thinking of him as hot...dammit. Even your own thoughts were embarrassing you now. Bruce breathed, standing to lift Tony from off the floor and dragging him out, ignoring the pleading gasps between laughter emitting from Tony. 

You covered your face with your hand, shaking your head. "I'm so sorry" You mumbled, your voice muffled by your palms. Steve shook his head, sitting down on the chair Tony had been on before, leaning back as he finally let out a short chuckle. You blinked in confusion at him, then slowly began to laugh as well.

The two of you laughed for a solid 10 minutes. Every time you slowed down, you'd look at each other and would begin the chorus of laughter once again. Your sides hurt more than they did after watching the videos Bruce showed you, maybe because you weren't even sure what you were laughing at anymore. You leaned back in the chair, trying to catch your breath, a little laugh making it's way out every few breaths.

You closed your eyes, then knit your eyebrows together as a number floated into your thoughts. You opened your eyes and moved to the screen, quickly plunking in the number before it vanished from your mind.

"1128" You mumbled, hitting enter once you typed in the numbers. Your eyes widened when the password was accepted, and you looked over at Steve. "What's that number even mean?" You asked, and he looked down, running his hand through his hair.

"That's uh..." He mumbled, and you frowned, turning your attention back to the screen as you opened the folder, taking a deep breath to prepare yourself for what lay inside."How did you know that though Y/n, the number?" He asked softly, putting his hand on your arm. You shook your head, shrugging lightly.

"I don't know, it just floated into my head." You replied, knitting your eyebrows together, then looked at him again. "What's the number mean Steve?" You asked softly, and he sighed, shrugging his shoulders a bit.

"November 28th, that's the day your dad died." He said quietly, not meeting your gaze. You frowned, tilting your head. 

"Were he and I close?" You pried, wanting to know more. You remembered when the elevator had stopped when you and Steve had been trying to go outside, he'd mentioned your dad taught you Patty Cake, but wouldn't say anything more. Steve quickly shook his head. 

"In the beginning yes...up until you were about 8. Your mom was in the hospital for most of your childhood, and when she died while you were seven, your dad slowly withdrew from your life. Stopped spending time with you, stopped paying attention to your schoolwork, activities, friendships, problems, everything. After a year of that he ended up getting involved with Hydra. Started helping with their plans, scheduling attacks, that sort of thing. He'd even tried involving you in a bunch of attacks and terrorist plans...trained you, traveled with you, taught you languages and every sort of school subject that you'd actually need. He had you more skilled than most grown men by the time you turned 16...then when he tried showing you how to hurt people who'd done nothing wrong, you...you wouldn't cooperate."

You grit your teeth, squeezing your eyes shut and rubbing your temples as a flash of memory rushed through your mind.

"So...he didn't like that and tried forcing me...wearing me down right?" You asked, keeping your eyes closed. Steve put a hand on your shoulder, watching you with concern. In your mind you were picturing a younger you, tied to a chair, like you had been recently when you were taken from the roof. This younger you had a blindfold and weird wires connecting to every bare part of skin. This younger you- she was drenched in sweat and breathing heavily, but was obviously still conscious. Suddenly her body seized up, a strangled scream forcing it's way from her mouth, and you guessed she was being shocked. You winced, shaking your head as your body tingled with pain at the faint memory.

Steve looked at you, biting the inside of his cheek. "You remember what happened to you don't you?" He asked softly, but all you responded with was a small nod. He took a deep breath, continuing to speak.

"He tried beating you down but you were stronger and managed to get out before you were 18. Then after that you kind of just were on your own for a really long time. Years of being on your own, traveling, struggling, trying to get through each day.Tony scooped you up one day when you were defending a girl who'd been stalked by a couple of bad guys. She'd gotten away, leaving you to fend for yourself as a thank you. Tony helped you out, despite you demanding for him to um..." He paused, and you grinned.

"Fuck off?" You offered, and he cleared his throat, nodding.

"Tony helped, then brought you back here to get cleaned up. Looked up your previous info, then decided to convince Fury to let you join us to fight for the good guys." He finished, leaning back in the chair he sat in as he watched you. 

"So that's why that guy acted like he knew me...right?" You asked, and he nodded.

"Your dad was pretty involved with the whole organization. Probably was one of the ones who helped train you in the beginning." He muttered, then looked at you with a serious expression. "That guy's dead now, so you're safe from him and those at the base they were at." He added quickly, and you smiled, leaning forward, snatching up his hand to give it a gentle squeeze.

"So maybe the date was important because it let me feel like I moved on from that part of my life, like I was completely free." You said with a shrug. Steve chuckled, nodding.

"Maybe." He said with a sad smile, then looked at the screen. He raised an eyebrow, looking at you, then back at the screen. "Well uh...that's not what I was expecting." 

You looked at the screen, your eyes widening as your eyes skimmed over the hundreds of videos that had been revealed.

"Are these..are these video logs?" You mumbled, leaning forward a bit to look at each of the thumbnails. There was a date on each one, and in each thumbnail per video was a frozen you with the "play" icon in the middle of it. You scrolled through the list, noticing that the logs started just over a year ago. The last one was from just over 5 weeks ago...the day you'd supposedly gone on that mission that led to your coma. 

The overwhelming urge to click the video skyrocketed, and you quickly indulged in the need. Clicking play on the video before you could even think to hesitate, leaning forward to watch the screen carefully.

An image of you went into full screen mode, and your arm in the video retreated from the camera. A smile of relief washed over the video-you, nodding with satisfaction as the camera angle was to her...your liking.

"Okay, Log entry number 392. 

So um...we're leaving for that mission today. It's currently..." The image of you paused to look at a digital watch strapped to your wrist. "It's 3:20 am. We leave at 4:30, so I figured I should get this out of the way or else I won't do it at all." Video-you paused, biting your lip, then continued.

"Bruce sent me the results last night, and he promised not to tell Steve...cuz I wanted to you know? I just don't know how I'm going to tell him. I mean, I already decided to tell him after the mission, cuz he doesn't need any bombs dropped till after the actual bombs have been disarmed that'll dull his focus or make him worry about me during the whole thing. I just don't know how to tell him. Do I just walk up to him after and be all like "Oh hey by the way, I'm pregnant" or do I wait till he's sitting down? Actually yeah maybe he should be sitting down...probably on the plane ride home would be b-"

You paused the video, staring at the screen blankly. You face had gone completely white, and you felt your blood run cold. Your hand trembled as you put it on your stomach, knowing already that there was nothing there. You barely noticed Steve's hand squeezing your shoulder, too busy staring at the now paused expression on the screen in front of you. 

"I'm so sorry." You finally whispered, unsure of who you were apologizing to - Steve, the now gone child, yourself, or all of the above. You turned and threw your arms around Steve, holding back tears as your hands clutched on to his shirt. Steve wrapped his arms around you, his palm on the back of your head as he tried to calm you down.

"Y/n, it's not your fault. It's okay." He murmured several times, rubbing your back gently. You breathed out, shaking your head. 

"Maybe if I'd told you you would've made me stay here and I'd still remember everything or or..." You shuddered, letting your head fall against his chest while closing your eyes. 

Steve let out a small laugh, pulling back slightly so you'd look up at him. "Trust me, there's nothing I could have done that'd stop you from going on that mission. You're too stubborn, then and now." He smiled sadly down at you, and you closed your eyes. He did have a point, since you'd woken up you'd had this persistent urge to not back down in any sort of decision or challenge involving anything. You managed a shaky laugh as well, keeping your arms wrapped around him as you looked up.

You were about to say something, but a brief knock interrupted you before you could even speak. The door opened, and Bucky poked his head in. His eyebrows raised when he saw how close you two were, you immediately noticed the quick flash of sadness cloud his gaze. You just stood where you were for a moment, then pulled away, taking a step away from Steve.

"Hi Bucky" You managed, trying to ignore the heat rising in your cheeks. Bucky nodded slightly, smirking a little bit. Steve opened his mouth to speak, but JARVIS beat him to it. 

"Mister Rogers, Sir would like to see you in the main kitchen when you have a chance." Came the chipper British voice, and Steve knit his eyebrows together, looking at you to make sure you were okay. You nodded.

"I'll see you later" you promised with a smile, and Steve glanced at Bucky before leaving, shooting him a look before exiting the room. You hadn't seen the look, but Bucky got the message.

"You okay?" Bucky asked, stepping forward as he studied your face. You opened your mouth, but no words came out. You nodded quickly, taking a breath before speaking.

"Yeah...just learned something that kind of shocked me but...yeah I'm fine." You managed, not meeting his gaze, choosing instead to look at your feet. Bucky moved closer, reaching out and putting a finger under your chin and lifted your head to look up at him. Your gaze met his and he watched you silently. 

Your heart was pounding in your ears, and when you didn't pull away, Bucky took that as a hint and closed the distance. His lips met yours and your eyes widened instead of closed. You quickly pushed him away, stumbling back as you pointed at him with a shaky hand.

"What the hell Bucky?" You demanded, your entire body feeling like it was on fire. Bucky shrugged, watching you calmly. He was about to speak, but you didn't let him. 

"After what Steve asked you not to do you pull that? He's your best friend!" You said, your voice rising as you got more worked up. 

"And you're my best girl." He shot back, stepping forward, his eyes sad. You froze, shaking your head.

"Don't those feelings have to be mutual in order for me to be considered that?" You replied coldly, crossing your arms over your chest. Bucky stepped forward again. You took a step back, but you were backed into the desk with nowhere else to go.

"How do you know they're not mutual doll?" He offered, causing you to freeze. Of course they weren't mutual! From what you knew Bucky had never visited you while in your coma, but Steve had. You and Steve had been together before the accident, hell, you were even having a baby with him. You didn't remember much, but from what you'd managed to figure out, You had feelings for Steve and he did too, feelings that you'd begin to feel again yourself. So...why did being around Bucky get your heart racing and palms sweaty?

"I...I just do okay?" You exclaimed, attempting to shove past him and leave the room, but he grabbed your arm in a vice-like grip. You tried pulling it away, but he dug his fingers in a bit tighter, causing you to wince. "Let go of me Bucky." You growled through clenched teeth, but he didn't.

"Before the coma I didn't have any chance in hell of winning you over - you knew Steve first and I wasn't going to hurt him like that. I let you get away from me, I let go my chance at being with you. I'm not letting that happen again." He said softly, then let go of your arm. Your eyes were teary, and you quickly left the room, breaking into a run for the elevator and pressing the button. When it wasn't coming fast enough, you went for the stairs and quickly ran down the many flights until you reached the floor of the kitchen, where Steve had been called to. Him and Tony were having a heated discussion, but when the door flew open they both jumped. 

You looked at Steve, running over to him and Tony. Tony opened his mouth to complain, but you whirled around and smacked him across the cheek - hard. He yelped, clutching his cheek. 

"What the fuck was that for Y/n?!" He asked, and you didn't answer. In all honesty, you didn't know why you'd slapped him. You just needed to let it out. You took Steve's hand and dragged him out of the room, heading for the elevator again.

"Y/n what happened?" Steve asked, stopping and putting his hand on your shoulder. You looked up at him, then stood on your tip toes. You leaned in, kissing him heatedly, while your hand landed on his chest. Steve froze, but didn't pull away, returning the kiss slightly, almost out of habit. You broken apart, your forehead resting on his while your eyes remained shut. Your breathing was heavy, still out of breath from running down the stairwell. Steve looked down at you, pulling away gently, but you clung onto his shirt and refused to let go. 

"Y/n?" He asked gently again, and you opened your eyes, looking up at him. 

"I just...I needed to know." You whispered, pulling him into the elevator with you. Steve opened his mouth to speak, but you shook your head. "Please don't leave me alone right now." You begged, glad when Steve nodded. You pressed the button for your floor, holding his hand the entire way up. You walked in silence to your room, sitting down on the plush couch in front of a TV, still clutching onto his hand.

"Y/n, what happened?" He asked, looking concerned. You chewed your lower lip, unsure as to whether or not you should tell him what happened. You decided against it, not wanting him to be upset.

"...I just want to be with you right now." You said, feeling guilty that you weren't telling him everything. You weren't lying, you needed to be with him right then, but you were still hiding the real reason. You were honestly scared to be alone right now, not wanting Bucky to find you and leave you no choice but to talk things out.

You had turned on a random show, resting your head on Steve's shoulder, not really paying attention. You were too absorbed in your thoughts to care what you were watching, and before you knew it, you were drifting off. You slid down, sleepily resting your head on Steve's lap. You barely noticed him holding your breath, your eyes fluttering shut as your hand reached for his, clinging onto it like a small child.

Your emotions were a jumbled mess, but you were grateful that Steve didn't pry or try to get you to talk about them. He just watched you as you fell asleep, running his free hand through your hair gently.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There was a man in Stark Tower and Bucky was his name-o
> 
> B-U-C-K-Y, B-U-C-K-Y, B-U-C-K-Y, AND BUCKY WAS HIS NAME-O
> 
>  
> 
> My deepest apologies for not updating this until now! I just kept putting off finishing the chapter til now xD <3 Please forgive me!
> 
> If you notice any problems with the chapter, please let me know so I can fix them.
> 
> Next chapter will be up by this Saturday! :) Thanks again for your patience!


	12. Boys will be Boys

You murmured something softly, scrunching your nose as you struggled to get back to sleep. You weren't sure how long you'd been asleep, but you sure as hell weren't as rested as you currently wanted to feel. You rolled over onto your side, clutching something warm, soft, and fleshy.

You knit your eyebrows together, still having your eyes closed as you squeezed what was in your grasp. Your eyelids fluttered open, and you saw a large hand trapped in your grip. You looked up, seeing Steve looking down at you with an eyebrow raised. You blinked sleepily, stifling a yawn as you looked up at him.

"What time is it?" You murmured, still not fully aware of where you were. He smiled slightly, glancing at he clock on the TV. 

"Close to midnight, I would've moved you but you seemed um...upset so I thought it would be better just to let you sleep for a bit." He said, and you noticed that his cheeks were gradually becoming pinker.

You blinked again, then your eyes widened in realization. You sat up quickly, scrambling to the other end of the couch and pulling your knees to your chest. Your cheeks grew hot in what seemed like a millisecond, and your gaze was planted on your toes.

"I'm sorry, you should have moved me if you needed to leave." You murmured, shaking your head. You remembered that you'd asked him to stay, but you hadn't really expected him to let you lay on top of him for what...close to 6 hours? Yeah that seemed about right, it'd been around 6 o clock when...

You swallowed a lump in your throat. When Bucky had kissed you. You shuddered, and Steve frowned, standing up and leaving the room. He returned a few seconds later with a fluffy blanket, sitting back down and covering you with it. You couldn't help but smile when you realized that he assumed the shudder was from you being cold. You scooted over to sit beside him, leaning on his shoulder as you shared the blanket.

"I didn't want to leave you, didn't seem right." He finally said quietly, and you looked up at him. You felt guilty that you hadn't told him what Bucky did. Part of you wanted to confess, but the other part of you didn't want him to be upset - with you OR Bucky. Despite this conflict, you knew they were best friends...and you didn't want to be the cause of that friendship ending. 

Steve seemed to notice your expression change into one that looked both frustrated and guilty. He bit the inside of his cheek, looking at you in silence for a moment.

"Steve I-" You began, but he cut you off gently.

"I know Bucky kissed you." He said softly, and you winced when he spoke those words. "And I know it wasn't your fault. Bucky is...he's difficult when it comes to his feelings, and he's stubborn..." He mumbled, and you gently lay your palm on his shoulder. He watched you carefully, and you returned the stare. 

"I'm sorry I-I didn't know how to tell you." Came your whisper, and Steve cupped your cheek gently, smiling sadly.

"It's okay. I just don't want you to be hurt that's all." He murmured, and you laughed shakily, nodding. He removed his hand from your cheek, and you immediately missed the comforting touch. He stood up, offering you a hand, which you took. 

"You should probably go to bed, Natasha wants you guys training by 9:30." He said, giving you an apologetic look. You sighed softly, nodding.

"Are you going to sleep too?" You asked curiously, and he smiled, nodding.

"Yeah, I'm up at 6:30 for a run." He said simply, turning to go out the door, but you took his hand.

"W-will you stay the night with me please?" You asked hopefully, not wanting to admit to yourself that you were more comfortable with him laying with you. You really were still confused about Bucky - and if Steve were with you it would keep you from pondering too much on what you felt, a good distraction basically.

Steve nodded, and you both walked over to your bedroom. You went and changed into pajama shorts and an over sized grey T-shirt, briefly hesitating before taking off your bra as well, thinking it'd be uncomfortable. Once you were finished you wandered over to climb into bed. Steve had taken off his jeans, leaving him in just his boxers and t-shirt. You chewed your lower lip as you briefly looked him over, then focused on adjusting your pillow the way you liked it. 

The bed dipped slightly when Steve flopped down, and you stifled a giggle, shaking your head as you pulled the covers over you. You had a decent space between yourself and Steve. You glanced over at him, smiling when you saw he was watching you as well. You hesitated, then scooted over to get a little closer to him. 

He pulled you into a hug, and you giggled, resting your head in the space between his shoulder and neck. He kept his arms around you, and you looked up through your lashes. His expression changed, and you saw his bright blue eyes darken a fraction. You tilted your head up, your heart racing as you watched him. Your eyes closed as you leaned up further and your lips connected.

Steve's hand traveled to your hair, his fingers tangling through the somewhat messy (h/c) locks. You deepened the kiss, the natural movement of your lips pressed against his set you into a seemingly effortless routine. You lost track of how long your lips danced together, but eventually you parted, gazing up at him with a sleepy expression. You glanced over at the digital clock on the nightstand, seeing that it was just past 1am. 

He leaned down, kissing you once more before pressing his forehead to yours with his eyes closed. You felt your eyelids begin to droop as well, but didn't pull your face from his, letting sleep overtake you.

Needless to say, when you woke up you were slightly confused. Steve wasn't anywhere, and for a second you worried that the events you remembered had only been a sick dream. You sat up, glancing at the clock to see a yellow post-it note stuck to the snooze button.

"Y/n, don't forget Nat has training for you. Sorry I wasn't here when you woke up, but after seeing you fall asleep last night I figured you'd forgive me at least a little.

-Steve"

You looked at the clock's time, mentally cursing at yourself. You literally had fifteen minutes to get up, get dressed, eat something, then go to the training area. 

Luckily, you got it all done in no time at all - changing into sweat pants and a black tank top, putting your hair into a ponytail to keep it from being in your face. You put on your sneakers and made a mad dash for the elevator, hoping 9 minutes was enough to get breakfast.

You made it to the kitchen, bolting to the island in the middle. There was a plate of blueberry muffins, and you snatched one up, then ran back to the elevator. You'd been completely oblivious to Clint sitting on the counter, drinking coffee straight from the pot. 

You had exactly 1 minute and 29 seconds left to reach the gym when the elevator doors opened to your destined floor. You'd eaten the muffin on the elevator ride, giving you some breathing room. You let out a small sigh of relief as you stepped out of the elevator shaft. Natasha was tying her shoes on a mat in the middle of the wide open space, not even glancing up as you entered.

"You're late." She commented, tugging on the laces till they were nice and tight. You frowned, looking down at her in confusion.

"I still have less than a minute." You defended, and she snorted, standing up quickly.

"If you're not early, you're late in my mind." She said with a small huff, then raised an eyebrow, reaching out to tilt your head to the left, moving your tank top and sports bra strap out of the way to reveal a purple mark on your shoulder. "Well at least you have a decent reason for being late." She said with a smirk, and you felt your cheeks grow hot.

"I-it's not what you think." You said quickly, and she crossed her arms over her chest.

"Oh? Because what I think is after Bucky's little confession last night, you were afraid to be alone with your thoughts last night and used Captain Lover Boy as a distraction." Said the fiery redhead, and you looked away.

"It wasn't like that...I wasn't using him." You mumbled, and Natasha laughed, shaking her head.

"Come on, let's get warmed up and see if you can manage to pin me again. Which let's face it, that was totally beginners luck." She teased, and you felt your tense shoulders relax a fraction, glad to get out of the gossip and into the actual training.

A few hours later, you were drenched in sweat yet again, pinned to the mat for what seemed like the billionth time. Natasha had your arm twisted behind your back, threatening to pop your shoulder out of place at any second. She let go, standing and holding out her hand to help you up. You were panting like a dog on a hot day, wiping your forehead with hem of your shirt.

"Told you, beginners luck." She remarked, and you stuck your tongue out at her, pouting childishly. She laughed, heading to get her bag. "See you tomorrow bright and early" She said before leaving the training area. You stood where she'd helped you up, your hands on your hips as you let yourself recover from your ass being kicked.

"You used to beat her nearly everytime, would've thought all that sleep would've had you rested for battle." Came a familiar voice, and you looked up slowly to see Bucky leaning in the doorway. Your teeth clenched, and you quickly walked toward the exit, but he jogged after you, tugging on your arm gently with his human hand. You turned around, ripping your arm from his grasp, watching him carefully.

"I owe you an apology, I was out of line yesterday, I shouldn't have said what I said and did what I did." He said quickly, and you knit your eyebrows together. "Look, can I take you for lunch or something? Get out of here for a while." He asked hopefully, and you felt your stomach do a small trapeze act. You wanted to say no, but you also didn't want him to think you hated him for the previous evening. Finally you nodded, and he broke into a toothy grin, unlike his usual smirk. You took a step away from him.

"I um...I'm going to go change first okay? I'll meet you in the parking garage." You said, before quickly walking to the elevator. Bucky waited for the doors to close before he allowed himself to breathe out a sigh of relief, glad you hadn't slapped him like he'd heard you'd done to Tony, who for once, had done nothing.

It was about halfway through the elevator ride that it finally sunk in as to what you'd done. You were literally submerging yourself into a sticky situation, one on one time with Bucky, the guy you'd been trying to avoid and keep from your thoughts for the past day. Shit.

When you reached your floor, you changed hurriedly, running a brush through your hair after taking out the ponytail, and splashing cold water on your face. You breathed out a small sigh, then turned to leave your room, shutting the door behind you as you reached the hall. You froze when you saw Steve and Bucky in front of the elevator, both with their fists clenched, both with angry expressions on their face. 

"I don't care what she was to you, I've got a second chance and you're not standing in the way of that!" Bucky snarled, stepping closer to Steve. Steve didn't flinch, nor did he take a step back away from Bucky, he simply stood his ground.

"Bucky stop it, you're going to have another episode." Steve said in an eerily calm voice through clenched teeth, a voice that sent a chill down your spine. Bucky snorted, flexing his metal arm as he stepped closer, his face a few inches from Steve's.

"Stop it!" You yelled out, jogging over to the two men. Steve looked over at you, his expression changing to guilt and sadness as he watched you approach. Bucky however, had a different reaction. He strode over to meet you, grabbing your wrist and storming to the elevator. "Bucky stop!" You yelled out, tearing your arm away from him and stumbling backward.

"Come on Y/n, we have a date, remember?" He said, stepping toward you. Steve moved to stand protectively in front of you, fists clenched yet again. Bucky lunged forward, his metal hand closing around Steve's throat. You let out a scream, stumbling backward as Bucky pushed you out of the way.

Steve growled, wrenching from Bucky's grip as he stood in front of you. Bucky snarled, lunging at Steve again, but Steve managed to push Bucky to the left, away from your direction and away from himself. "Y/n, go to your room and don't come out until I call you." Steve said calmly, and you scrambled to your feet, shaking your head.

"No! Stop it both of you!" You demanded, but Bucky only launched himself at Steve, tackling him to the ground. You tugged on Bucky's shirt, trying to drag him off of Steve, but he reached back and shoved you out of the way, with more force than you were expecting. You landed with a thud on the ground, smacking your head against the ground - hard. 

Steve shoved Bucky off of him, rushing to your side. You clutched the back of your head, your eyes shut as your head spun. When you opened your eyes you saw Steve hovering over you, and when you looked over a little bit, you saw Bucky on his knees - his expression shattered when he saw what he'd done.

You felt something warm trickling down your face, and honestly it felt kind of nice, until the throbbing in your head grew worse and worse. You faintly heard Steve calling your name, but you were focused on the pain, squeezing your eyes shut as a world of black took over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the feedback on the last chapter! I was super tempted to turn the makeout session into a full on smut moment, but decided to save it for later ;) <3
> 
> The next chapter will be up by either Monday night, or Tuesday depending on how tired I am from my weekend.
> 
> Feedback is always welcome, and if you spot any typos and something seems weird, please let me know! <3


	13. Something More than Kissing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SMUT WARNING. <3

Being shoved by a super soldier while trying to break up a fight really wasn't something you wanted to experience, yet here you were, unconscious once more. The darkness that washed over you was overwhelming, but you recalled hearing someone calling your name, whether it was Steve, Bucky, or someone else, you had no clue.

One thought kept running through your mind consistently, over and over.

'Please don't let me forget again. Please don't let me forget.' Came the soft whisper of a voice in the dark cavern of your basically empty mind.

Oddly enough, the time seemed to fly by whilst trapped in the black pit of your mind. Your eyes shot open and you sat up quickly, your head spinning as you looked around wildly. You were extremely tense, your hands shaking as you reached to pull the sheet covering your legs away. You realized you were in your own bed, suddenly relieved that you even recognized where you were.

You hesitantly reached up to touch the back of your head, wincing as your fingers traced the sensitive bump at the back of your skull that was covered by a bandage. You were about to crawl out of your bed and stand up, but a harsh wave of nausea washed over you, and you clutched your stomach.

You let out a yelp of surprise when sturdy, but gentle hands settled on your tense shoulders. You turned around, face to face with a pair of worried baby blue eyes, handsome features, and surprisingly messy hair. 

"Steve?" You whispered, tears forming in your eyes as you looked at him hopefully. Steve's face softened in relief as he cupped your face with one of his hands, nodding ever so slightly. He sat down on the edge of the bed beside you, watching you carefully.

"Thank god you remember." He murmured, leaning in a tad, but quickly retreating, not wanting to make you uncomfortable. You glanced down at your hands, noticing the bruises that marked your arms.

"Did I really get pushed by Bucky?" You asked, hoping it wasn't true. Steve pursed his lips, a troubled look crossing his face as he nodded.

"Yeah...I uh, I made sure he didn't come here while you were asleep. Haven't seen him since yesterday." He mumbled, and you leaned over to wrap you arms around his torso, resting your head on his chest.

"How long was I-" You began to ask, but Steve just shook his head.

"Only a few days, don't worry about it okay?" He urged softly, and you just closed your eyes, breathing in the (thankfully) familiar scent of Steve. He put his hand on your back gently, rubbing small circles to try and help you relax a bit more. You let out a shaky sigh, thoughts rampaging through your mind as you tried to keep yourself calm.

You didn't want to sleep any more, but you were grateful for the comfort of Steve's presence. You looked up at him, meeting his gaze as he stared down at you. 

"I'm sorry I didn't listen." You whispered, squeezing your eyes shut quickly, the memory of Steve telling you to wait in your room flooding through your mind. If only you'd listened...

"Y/n, look at me." He said softly, and when your stubbornly refused by pressing your face against his chest, he leaned away and tilted your head up with a finger under your chin. "It's not your fault, You wouldn't have listened anyway, you've always been too stubborn, just like you are now." He murmured, pinching the tip of your nose gently, causing you to open your eyes. 

"Kind of like that time you caught Tony and I having that drinking contest and I wouldn't listen to you trying to get me to stop cuz I wanted to win so badly, and ended up trying to sleep with a lamp?" You laughed softly, frowning when you felt Steve stiffen. You looked up at him, recognizing the look of shock on his face. "What?" You asked, scooting backwards a bit to get a better view point of his face.

"Did Bruce show you that video?" He asked, and you knit your eyebrows together, shaking your head.

"No, why would you ask me th-" You froze, looking at Steve with a bewildered expression on your face as you realized something. "I remembered that." You whispered, feeling shocked from the realization. "I remembered that!" You said a bit louder, a grin breaking out on your face. 

You looked up at Steve with tears in your eyes. You blinked them back, throwing your arms around him in excitement. A small squeak of pain sounded from you as the bruises stretched with your sudden movement. You pulled back, gently rubbing your wrist where Bucky had grabbed you, trying to let the throbbing pain ease up.

After looking at your wrist and thinking of Bucky, your stomach lurched. A memory of you two training together, laughing, joking around like best friends crossed through your path of thinking. Looking back, you noticed the flirting, the small looks he'd give you in hopes you'd get the message, but choosing to ignore them and play dumb. You felt guilty, and shook your head.

"Where is Bucky? I-I need to tell him I'm sorry." You asked, and Steve frowned, looking at you in confusion.

"Why do you need to apologize? You did nothing." He said, a tinge of nervousness evident in his tone. You shook your head again.

"I-I just do. Please Steve." You begged, your eyes clearly showing desperation. Steve hesitated, worried to let you be around Bucky at all after what happened when he got carried away...but he stood, offering you his hand.

"Come on then, let's see if we can find him." Steve said softly, and you took his hand, standing up shakily. You knew this could backfire big time if things went south, but you needed to see him, you needed to make things right.

You wandered around Stark tower for at least an hour, never letting go on Steve's hand as the two of you looked for Bucky. Eventually you stopped on Steve's floor after returning from Bucky's, walking down the hall with him.

"Maybe Tony knows where he went." You said hopefully, covering your mouth as you yawned. Steve smiled, ruffling your hair playfully, taking care not to touch the back of your head where you'd landed. You batted his hands away, walking to a door and opening it without even thinking. Steve stood back and watched you enter the room, not sure what you were doing.

You stretched as you kicked off your shoes, padding toward a large, neatly made bed. Steve had followed you into his room, watching with furrowed eyebrows. You went to a dresser, pulling open the top drawer and tugging out a large t-shirt. You didn't even hesitate, pulling off your own clothes and putting the shirt on. 

Steve had automatically ducked his head, blushing madly as he waited for you to finish. When he looked up, he saw you were arranging the pillows on the left side of the bed, recognizing what you used to always do before bed. He walked over toward you, lifting the blanket for you to crawl under. He smiled when he saw you settle in, looking up at him expectantly. Steve leaned down to kiss your forehead, then turned to leave, going to sleep on the couch.

"Come on you big dummy, where are you going?" You asked sleepily, pretty tired from your little journey through the tower trying to find Bucky. Steve froze, a throb of pain going through his chest as you called him that, something you used to always do. This felt so surreal to him, and he turned around, ridding himself of his socks and jeans before joining you. 

You blinked, suddenly realizing what you were doing.

"Shit...I'm sorry Steve I don't...I don't know what I was thinking I can just go back to my room to sleep." You rambled quickly, sitting up to leave the bed. Steve didn't give you the chance to stand, pulling you firmly but carefully to his chest, his hands on your hips as he looked down at you. You found yourself leaning in a bit more, Your right hand tracing up his muscled arm, to his shoulder, then settling on his back. 

A few memories flashed through your mind, and you felt yourself blushing harshly as you saw images of Steve leaning over you, breathing hard with wild hair and a look of lust in his eyes. Images of him kissing every inch of your body, images of HIM. You shivered at the recollection, but didn't pull away, your eyes locked with his.

Steve noticed your blushing, and he raised an eyebrow curiously. "What's wrong?" He asked softly, and you shook your head, letting out a small laugh.

"You'll think I'm weird." You mumbled, pulling the blanket up to cover your face. Steve however, had different plans, because he ducked under the blanket as well, hands still on your hips. 

"I already know you're weird, so tell me." He said, leaning his head in a bit closer to yours, causing you to hold your breath for a brief second. 

"I just...I was thinking about something." You said quickly, not wanting to say what thoughts had crossed your mind. Steve moved his head down closer, your lips a few inches apart. You could feel his breath tickle your lips as the air you exhaled mingled with his. 

"Tell me." He said in a soft, but strangely commanding tone. You found yourself slowly drawing your lips closer to his, your eyelids fluttering closed briefly before you spoke.

"I thought of something we used to do." You whispered, your lips so close to his own. "Something more than kissing." You added, before closing the little remaining distance and pressing your mouth to his own. Steve seemed surprised for a split second, but his initial shock wore off quickly as he began to return the kiss. It started to get too hot under the blanket, so you broke the kiss and crawled out from underneath, breathing surprisingly hard. 

"Something we used to do?" Steve murmured, from still under the blanket. You frowned when you saw him crawling over, still hidden, till he was at the foot of the bed near your feet. Your breath hitched when you felt his lips connect with your ankle, then moved to give the other ankle the same treatment. He made his way slowly up your legs, kissing the inside of your calf, switching back and forth between each leg.

"Something more than kissing?" He asked, and you bucked your hips a little bit when his lips connected with the part of your upper thigh where your pantie line began. The response your body had, startled yourself a little, and your entire body felt as though it were on fire. 

His hot breath ghosted over your covered womanhood as he moved to kiss the opposite leg, and you let out a faint whine of frustration when he moved to your hip bone instead of returning to the ever growing wetness between your legs. You felt him smirk against your hip, and you tore the blanket away from your legs, glaring down at him in frustration.

"I swear to god Steve, if you don't do something more than kissing, I-I'll...I'll..."

Steve grinned, ripping your panties away from you. You yelped in surprise at the sound of the tearing fabric, but the yelp was quickly silenced by Steve's lips. You returned the kiss eagerly, your hand flying to his hair and running your fingers through it. Steve's fingers danced along your skin, tracing a path from your neck, to your shoulder, your chest, your navel, then to a small spot just above your entrance. 

"You'll what?" He said teasingly, and you tilted your head back as his finger prodded your entrance, moving into your lower half slowly. You swallowed hard, parting your lips as he curled his finger inside you, finding a spot that made you tense up. He paused, taking in your reaction before he continued, testing the spot again. You let out a soft moan, massaging his scalp as he moved his finger in and out. 

Steve sipped a second finger inside, causing you to gasp. It felt strange, but in a good way...a familiar way. You leaned up and kissed him deeply, and Steve removed his fingers from your body. You growled slightly at the loss of friction, bucking your hips to try and feel his again again. Surprisingly though, what you felt wasn't his hand. He'd lined himself up at your entrance, the tip of his member brushing against the bundle of nerves above your womanhood. You let out a moan, much louder than before, and Steve quickly covered your mouth with his. 

His tongue brushed against your lips for a moment, asking for entrance. You playfully refused, keeping your lips closed. Steve smirked against your mouth, rolling his hips. His member poked into your entrance, causing you to open your mouth in a moan. He quickly slid his tongue into your mouth, caressing your tongue as he tasted your mouth. You swirled your tongue with his, scratching his shoulder lightly as he began to move inside your body.

You broke the kiss, pressing your forehead against Steve's as he slowly moved inside you. He was definitely large, and from not having done this in a long time, a sharp, pinching pain started from his size. You had your eyes squeezed shut, concentrating on feeling any form of pleasure, trying to ignore the hopefully brief pain. Steve was watching your face, using one hand to caress your cheek, his thumb brushing under your eye.

"We can stop if you need to." He said softly, and you opened your eyes, looking up at him. His expression was so kind, so worried for how you felt, you couldn't. You leaned up and kissed him deeply, rolling your hips against his. He moved inside you, kissing you as a distraction from the burning sensation in your lower region. 

Finally, he was completely inside you, stilled to let your adjust. You were panting, trying to let yourself catch your breath while he waited for you to relax. Finally, you moved your hips experimentally, glad when a wave of pleasure crashed down on you. Steve leaned down and kiss you softly, beginning to move in and out at a slow pace. You moved against his body, both of you speeding up rather quickly once you'd gotten the hang of it. 

Pretty soon, You and Steve were going at an almost impossible pace, him thrusting in and out of your wet entrance. You were a moaning mess, rapidly approaching your high. The coil in your belly was tightening to the point of being borderline painful. You let out a small whimper, and Steve quickly pressed his hand onto the sensitive pearl between your bodies. You froze, crying out as the coil snapped inside you, a tsunami of pleasure washing over your body. everything was white as your orgasm wracked your body.

Steve came inside you shortly after as you came down from your high, pulling out and laying beside you. You were both hot and sweaty, panting as you tried to catch your breath. You rolled over to face Steve, watching him breathing with his eyes closed. As you watched him, your heart began to swell with emotion. You knit your eyebrows together, quickly rolling over with your head on the pillow. 

Steve rolled to pull you into an embrace, pulling the sheet over your bodies as he spooned you. He kissed the back of your head, and you let out a small content sigh, relaxing into him cuddling you. Steve smiled against your hair, the movement causing some of your hair to tickle the back of your neck.

"I missed being with you." He murmured softly, and you let out a small laugh, adjusting your body so you could look up at him.

"I think I missed being with you too." You replied quietly, for once your voice was certain, not doubt or question evident in your tone. Steve grinned, brushing the pad of his thumb against your cheek gently as he watched you slowly begin to get sleepier.

"We'll find Bucky after you sleep." He promised softly, and you nodded, keeping your eyes shut. Steve continued to caress your cheek, a bit nervous to fulfill the promise of finding Bucky. You had no idea, but Steve knew where he went...and it wasn't Stark Tower, not even in the city.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you SO much for your patience with this chapter, and I'm so sorry it took so long to get up! Been busy with life stuff, so I haven't had much time to write!
> 
> Hopefully the lovely little scene in here is okay for you guys, and please let me know on where I can improve! :)
> 
> Next chapter will be up by Friday night! :) 
> 
> If there's anything wrong with this chapter, please let me know, feedback is always appreciated! <3


	14. Whatever the Cost.

Sunlight trickling through the slightly parted curtains woke you from your peaceful slumber. You were briefly confused as to your whereabouts, not recognizing the room you were in...until you realized there was a pair of arms encircling your waist. 

The memory of that night came flooding back to you in perfect clarity, the images in your head causing you to blush profoundly. You were greatly appreciative of the fact you weren't facing Steve, and even more grateful that he seemed to still be asleep, judging by the slow, steady rhythm of his breathing. 

Listening to him inhaling and exhaling, you began to wonder for the first time in a while, just how you'd managed to cause such a man to fall for you. You knew from the memories slowly coming back, and from the videos and photos of previous events you'd been shown, you hadn't been the most compliant person. Even now, you were naturally stubborn, something you had assumed would frustrate and annoy the hell out of most stubborn people.

Maybe...just maybe, that was the answer to your question. Maybe your stubborn pride and hard to convince nature was intriguing to Steve...and apparently Bucky.

Bucky...

You sat up immediately, untangling yourself from Steve's arms and quickly running around to find your scattered articles of clothing. Steve had woken up when you dashed away, looking around in confusion.

"Y/n? What's wrong?" He asked, standing up. You looked over clearing your throat as you were greeted by his nude body, quickly looking back to getting your shirt on, cheeks already heating up. Steve blinked in confusion, looking down and quickly grabbing the sheet to cover himself. His own cheeks had gone red, and you couldn't help the smirk that formed on your lips.

This WAS pretty ridiculous, even after sleeping together, you were both blushing like teenagers at seeing each other naked in broad daylight. You walked over to the dresser by the wall, opening the top drawer and tossing a pair of clean boxers in Steve's direction. You turned to pull up your pants, zipping up the fly and buttoning the jeans. You turned back to Steve, seeing he'd turned away to put on the underwear.

You bit your tongue as you caught a glimpse of Steve's rear, tearing your gaze away to look out the window.

"So um...where do you think Bucky's at?" You asked, glad to see Steve pulling on a shirt. Steve stopped, knitting his eyebrows together with an expression you didn't really recognize...was that...guilt? You frowned, walking over to Steve to look up at him.

"Steve, look at me." You said, putting your hand on his chest. Steve breathed out slowly, not meeting your gaze. "Steve please tell me..." You whispered, starting to worry that something bad had happened to Bucky. 

"He's uh..He's in Canada." He mumbled, closing his eyes. You knit your eyebrows together in confusion. You were out cold for two days and Bucky ran off to Canada? What the hell?

"And you didn't think of telling me that when we were looking for him in the tower?" You demanded, stepping back from him and crossing your arms over your chest. Steve shook his head, running his hand through his still messy hair. 

"I didn't want you to freak out right after waking up." He said gently, stepping forward. You glared at him.

"But you were fine with us fucking right after waking up, that makes sense." You said with a huff, turning away from him. Steve sighed, shaking his head again. 

"Y/n, you know you needed a distraction..." He murmured, and your shoulders slumped, looking at your feet.

"I'm sorry Steve...I'm just...I'm worried I guess. I feel bad." You said in a barely audible tone, turning around to look up at him. Steve smiled sadly, pulling you into a gentle embrace. You inhaled slowly, breathing in the calming scent of Steve, closing your eyes as you rested your head on his chest.

"I'm sorry too...I should have told you." He murmured. You looked up at him, meeting his gaze.

"Do you know where he is in Canada?" You questioned softly, looking at him hopefully. Steve nodded.

"Tony's been keeping an eye on him, he's in Quebec. Just to be safe right." He said, rubbing the small of your back gently. You breathed out softly, watching his troubled expression.

"Can we go get him? Or contact him at the very least?" You asked, almost scared to hear the answer. 

Steve nodded slowly, taking your hand as he turned to walk to the door. You stifled a laugh, keeping your feet planted where they were. 

"Steve, you still need actual pants." You reminded, your amusement evident in your tone. Steve looked down, his cheeks turning red as he let go of your hand to walk to the dresser, pulling out a pair of worn jeans, slipping them on quickly. You smiled, walking over to him and grabbing his hand, leading him to the door this time.

Probably about ten minutes later, you were knocking on Tony's bedroom door. A loud groan echoed from behind the wooden entrance, and loud, clumsy footsteps could be heard heading toward where you stood.

"What the hell do you want at this time in the mor-" He paused, looking you, then Steve over, a cheeky grin plastered on his face. "Oh I see, you two need a morning after pill, don't you." You knit your eyebrows together, wondering how the hell he managed to sniff out what you and Steve had done that night. You shook your head, trying to ignore the blush creeping to your cheeks.

"Where's Bucky? Steve said you've been keeping tabs on him." You asked, cutting right to the chase. Tony pouted, looking upset that he wasn't getting any details from the two of you. You were happy that he shrugged, nodding in compliance as he walked past you to head for the surveillance room.

"He's in Belleterre Quebec, it's pretty damn tiny, maybe 350 people live there. Why he chose a french city when he doesn't speak french, I don't know, but he was easy to find at least." He said, stifling a yawn. Your eyes lit up.

"So we can go get him then?" You said hopefully, not even noticing you'd reached to grasp Steve's hand. Tony shrugged, looking between the two of you.

"Depends on Bucky, he might not want to come back at the moment, I mean he was pretty upset about what uh...what happened." Tony replied, scratching the back of his head. You looked down, nodding slowly.

"Well, is there any way we can contact him then?" You asked, almost desperate to apologize to the super soldier. You felt Steve's hand squeeze yours gently, trying to calm you down. Tony raised both hands, shrugging.

"I mean I can try but I can't guarantee he'll answer." Said Tony, and you nodded quickly, watching as Tony swiped the holographic screen. A dial tone sounded, followed by the tones of the selected numbers. It began to ring, automatically on speakerphone.

Six rings. You held your breath for six rings. Finally there was a click, followed by a voice.

"What do you want Tony?" Croaked Bucky, and you didn't even hesitate.

"Bucky? Are you okay?" You asked, closing your eyes as you waited for a response. You heard the sharp inhale of breath sound from the other end of the call, and after a full 60 seconds of silence, you were about to ask again.

"I'm fine...are...are you alright Y/n?" He whispered, and you had to bite your lip to stop it from trembling.

"I'm alright...please come back?" You asked in a shaky voice, and you could hear a sigh escape from him. 

"Y/n I hurt you, you're safer with Steve." He replied sadly. Steve's thumb gently rubbed your knuckles, and you shook your head, that stubborn 'won't back down till you get what you want' part of you coming out again.

"I'm fine Bucky, I'm not some fragile little china doll you know. Besides, it was my own fault for getting involved and...and..." You paused, glancing at Steve. "And for leading you on and everything...I'm sorry." You had a growling tone at the beginning of your sentence, but it faded into a soft pleading voice. 

Bucky breathed in, about to say something, but simply hung up instead. You turned to Steve, blinking back tears as you wrapped your arms around him and rested your cheek on his chest. He rubbed your back gently, glaring at Tony when he cleared his throat.

"I could always send someone to go er...retrieve him...if you want." He offered halfheartedly, and you shook your head. 

"No Tony...thank you but no..." You said in a shaky voice, breathing in and pulling away, brushing a strand of your still messy-from-bed hair out of your face. "If he wants to stay there, that's his choice..." You added quickly. 

You already had a plan forming in your mind...a plan you weren't going to tell Steve, mainly because you knew he wouldn't let you go.

You knew you'd easily be able to swipe some of Tony's credit cards, so getting a plane ticket, and cash wouldn't be a problem at all.

You had to go and convince him yourself, you had to go and make things right with Bucky.

Whatever the cost.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was more of a filler chapter to build up to the next one, so I hope it's not too disappointing for you guys! :)
> 
> If you see any errors or something doesn't look right, please let me know!
> 
> All feedback is welcome, so please don't hesitate to give me your opinion! Honesty is appreciated!
> 
> Next chapter won't be up till either Monday night, or Tuesday morning, I have to go to a wedding tomorrow night, so that'll be pretty uh...time consuming unfortunately. Thank you for your ongoing patience with my not so consistent posting! Love you all very much, and I'm so happy majority of you are enjoying the story so far!
> 
> Thank you once again, and I just want you to know how much I appreciate your continuous support! Much love!


	15. Let it go

Sneaking out of Steve's bed at 4 in the morning was much easier than you'd assumed it would be, especially since he normally woke up at any movement you made during the night. You DID have a plan for if he awoke though, deciding to say you just needed to use the bathroom, hoping he'd fall back asleep.

You made your way back to your room, snatching up the bag you'd packed, along with your purse that held the cash you'd managed to swipe from Tony's wallet, along with the few credit cards you knew he wouldn't miss. You slipped out of your pajamas, putting on a pair of grey skinny jeans, a black t-shirt, and a loose fitting black hoodie over top. You put on your black sneakers, grabbing all of your belongings you had decided to bring and slipped out of the door. 

You had made sure to leave a note on the door, explaining where you'd gone. You knew Steve would be upset, but you had to do this. The guilt was practically eating you alive, causing you to act rather impulsively. The first flight out of New York was at 5:15, so you had about an hour to get there and on the plane before anyone noticed your absence. Not a problem.

You went to the elevator, quickly heading for the ground floor. Once at the bottom, you bolted out of the building, running for the subway station. You got on the correct train, ignoring the looks you were getting from a few homeless people and sketchy men. Finally you reached your destination, walking the remaining distance to the airport. 

You reached the airport, purchasing the ticket no problem, then waited for the plane to arrive and start boarding. You glanced around the empty airport, kind of relieved there were only three people there. You glanced at the time on your phone, seeing there was only a few minutes left before the flight was ready. You breathed out a small sigh of relief, excitement and nervousness pooling in the pit of your stomach.

The announcement came for passengers to begin boarding, and you made your way to the lineup. You'd only had your one bag, and it was small enough for carry-on, so that was convenient. You sat down in your seat, looking out the window as the sun began to rise slowly. The plane's engines roared to life, and you leaned back in the seat, shutting your eyes to get some sleep during the flight.

Several hours later, you woke with a start, the "fasten seat belt" sign lighting up. You hadn't even taken yours off, so you simply looked out the window. There was snow everywhere, and you frowned, briefly confused as to your whereabouts. You eventually realized you must be in Quebec or close to it anyways. The plane lurched as it began its descent, causing you to grip the armrests of your seat.

The wheels touched down, and the plane began to slow to a stop as it rolled down the runway. You breathed out when it stopped, unbuckling the belt and standing, stretching your legs. You stifled a yawn, grabbing your bag from the overhead carry on compartment, then shuffling out of the plane's cabin. 

After renting a car and driving a few hours, you finally arrived in Belleterre. It was a tiny little town, not very much to it, and you wondered why Bucky chose this place out of all the Canadian cities. You shook your head, ignoring your drowsiness before parking the car in the lot of a small little motel. You hoped this was the right address, as you'd gotten JARVIS to trace the exact coordinates where the phone call had occurred, writing down the address. You breathed out a small sigh, taking your bag from the car and walking to the room you'd tracked down. You knocked on the door three times.

"Room Service." You called, hoping he'd answer the door. You heard shuffling from the other side of the room, then the click of a lock. The door swung open, revealing a shirtless Bucky with bed ridden hair. You chewed your lip, noting the expression change in his face as he recognized you.

"Y/n? What are you doing here?" He asked, taking a step back. He reached for the door's handle to shut it, but you stepped inside before he had the chance.

"I'm here to bring you home idiot. Get dressed." You said, hoping he'd just agree. highly unlikely, but it was still a hope. He shook his head, crossing his arms over his chest, the metal one glinting in the light that trickled through the curtains. 

"Go home Y/n, I'm not going back." He mumbled, turning away from you. You frowned, looking at him, reaching out and grabbing him by the arm. He stilled, turning to look at you.

"Bucky I'm sorry okay, I was stupid and it's not your fault okay? Just please come back home." You begged, looking at him with a pleading gaze. Bucky shook his head, gently pulling away from you.

"I hurt you Y/n, again. I can't let that happen anymore. I'm sorry." He mumbled, and you grabbed his arm again, a bit rougher this time. He froze, glaring at you dangerously, but you saw through the act he was putting on, shaking your head.

"Dammit Bucky! Just please come back home, please!" You said loudly, anger evident in your voice. Bucky winced.

"You're safer with just Steve, I'm bad for you Y/n, as a friend and anything more. You're better off without me there!" He yelled, and you huffed, crossing your arms over your chest in frustration, releasing him from your grasp.

"I don't give a shit if I'm safer with Steve, I want you back home where you belong you idiot!" You growled, turning away from him. You didn't know why you were getting so incredibly angry about this, but you knew that the guilt of him leaving was eating you up inside, and you selfishly wanted to fix the situation.

"Y/n, just leave, please." He said, his voice breaking when he said the word please. You chewed your lower lip, looking at your feet. You really had no idea what you thought you were doing here, it was a total cliche, crossing into another country to get him back, but you didn't even feel any romantic emotion for him...did you?

"I'm not leaving without you Bucky, you have to come back." You said, your feet planted stubbornly. Bucky sighed, his shoulders slumping. You noticed how the muscles in his back tensed with each movement he made, his lack of shirt letting you see just how much shape he really was in.

"Why? Why do you insist on having me in your life?" He demanded, walking over and turning you around to face him. you let out a yelp of surprise, the sharp twisting movement aggravating your bruises. You shook your head.

"I need you, Steve needs you, everyone needs you." you replied simply with a small shrug. He let go of your shoulders, dropping his hands to his sides. He bit his lower lip, not looking at you. You ducked down to try and meet his gaze, but when he looked at you, you saw a different light in his eyes you didn't quite recognize. He suddenly leaned down and kissed you.

You tried to pull away, but gave up as your body melted into the kiss. You let out a small whimper, an immense feeling of guilt washing over you. When Bucky pulled the kiss, he looked at you, a sad light in his eyes.

"I just wanted to do that one more time." He whispered, stepping away from you. You reached out to touch his arm, tears pricking the corners of your eyes.

"Bucky please stop, you need to come home, I'll find someone who's right for you I promise, we just need you home." You whispered, and Bucky shook his head once more.

"I don't want someone else, you know that. Being around you, things happen and I can't have that happening anymore. You need to be safe...without me." He mumbled, moving past you to open the door. "Go home Y/n. Let it go." He whispered, gesturing outside to the snow covered parking lot. 

"God dammit Bucky, just come home please!" You begged, the tears falling as you angrily demanded he come home with you. He shook his head stubbornly, taking your arm and shoving you gently out the door, careful not to hurt you. You were about to say something, but he closed the door, locking it behind him. You slumped down, hugging yourself as you leaned against the locked door. You were trembling as you silently cried, taking shuddering breaths. You were cold, but you weren't about to give up, you just sat there.

"Y/n? Y/n!" Came a voice, and you squinted, looking at a figure trudging toward you. You scrambled to your feet, still hugging yourself as the face became clear...Steve's face.

"Hey, are you okay? What were you thinking?" He asked quickly, pulling you into a tight hug. You hiccuped, sobbing into his chest, the outer layer of his jacket cold on your tear stained face. You whimpered as you breathed in heavily, trying to calm down.

"h-He won't come. He won't listen to me and come home." You whispered shakily, causing Steve to hug you a bit tighter.

"Come on, let's go inside the lobby and get a room, you need to warm up while we figure out a way to convince him to come back." He whispered, trying to reassure you as he looked at the shut door that led to Bucky's motel room.

"I just want him to be happy. I want you to be happy, why can't things just be happy?" You rambled, shivering as you spoke through chattering teeth. Steve smiled sadly, leading you to the lobby to get a room and get you warmed up.

After he made you hot chocolate and you were sitting on the bed of the room, the two of you started to brainstorm a way to get Bucky out of this town and back to Stark Tower where he belonged. Unfortunately, the exhaustion started to set in for both of you, after the long plane ride and the emotional roller coaster you'd boarded, you both began to drift off to sleep, Steve hugging you protectively as you nestled close to him, listening to his steady breathing.

You swore you could hear shuffling in the room next to yours, followed by thunks and small groans of frustration, but you tuned it out, too tired to bother wondering what was happening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your patience! The next chapter might take a while to be uploaded due to the massive amount of requests I got overnight for my other oneshot series, so please don't be too mad!
> 
> As always if you see any errors please let me know, and let me know your thoughts on this chapter!
> 
> Love you all to bits, have a lovely time! <3


	16. Um, how about NO?

When you awoke the next morning, you were confused as to your whereabouts. You sat up in the unfamiliar bed, gazing around the unfamiliar room, and basically just wondering where the hell you could possibly be. Steve wasn't in the bed, and there was no noise emitting from the direction of the bathroom, so you didn't think he was in there. You winced as you felt a flash of brief pain wash over your abdomen, but you figured that it was just period cramps, and you were pretty sure yours would be coming soon.

You swung your legs over the edge of the bed, stretching before standing up. You froze when you heard voices from the next room, and moved to press your ear to the wall, struggling to pick up enough to grasp the conversation. While straining your ears, you recognized both Steve and Bucky's voices. You bit your lower lip as you held your breath, trying to hear the details of the conversation. 

"Take her home Steve! I'm not needed!" Came the sound of Bucky, and you couldn't quite hear the muffled response from who you assumed to be Steve, but judging by the calm tone of his voice he was trying to assure Bucky that he was in fact needed. You flinched away from the wall when Bucky raised his voice, and you quickly backed away, not wanting to hear what he was saying.

The sound of a door opening and being slammed shut came from the wall, and you hugged your arms. The door to your room opened softly, and you saw Steve trying to silently creep inside. You cleared your throat, and he immediately stood up straight when he realized you were standing and awake. 

"Good morning" He said, his voice forcibly cheery, which you recognized. You put on a small smile, shaking your head.

"Bucky still won't agree then?" You asked softly, and he nodded slowly, looking a bit guilty. You reached out gingerly to touch his arm, smiling reassuringly up at him. "It's not your fault, he'll agree eventually right?" You added hopefully, and Steve couldn't help but smile, pressing his palm to your cheek lightly.

"Eventually...hopefully." He murmured, not removing his hand from your cheek as he closed his eyes, sighing softly. You felt guilty, as you so often did whenever you saw Steve mildly upset or stressed out. The only reason he was here was because of you, or else he simply would have given Bucky the time he craved to be alone, in hopes he would return in due time.

"Come on, let's go get some breakfast or something" You said, giving him a playful shove with your shoulder. Steve didn't budge, but he grinned down at you, obviously grateful for the distraction from his own thoughts. 

"You might want to get dressed first." He suggested, quirking a smile as he glanced you over. You blinked, looking down and remembering you were in your fluffy pajama pants and a grey sweatshirt. You figured it wouldn't be THAT bad to walk out in public, seeing as it was cold enough outside to use the warmth of the pants and hoodie as an excuse to be lazy, but you knew that Steve wouldn't let you leave the room without at least putting on actual pants.

You went to your bag and pulled out a pair of blue jeans, laughing softly as you spotted Steve quickly averting his gaze. You guessed that no matter how long you may have known him - from what you remembered and didn't - this was one of his traits that never seemed to fade. It didn't matter how many times you two may have been intimate in the past, he still blushed like an inexperienced virgin at the sight of you changing.

Once you were done putting on the pants, you figured you could get away with not changing your shirt, as it WAS something one would wear during the daytime anyways. You quickly checked your reflection in the bathroom mirror, running your fingers through your hair to try and tame your bedhead before showing your face in public, even though the town was practically empty.

Once your hair was suitable enough for your standards, you pulled on your jacket over your sweatshirt, zipping it up and tying a thick wool scarf around your neck, then pulling a toque on top of your head, covering your ears. In the heat of the motel room, you were almost at the point of panting due to being so thickly clothed, but as you and Steve stepped outside, you pulled the scarf over your nose, the chilly wind smacking you in the face immediately.

You and Steve went to the check in lobby, asking the clerk where the best place to go for breakfast was. There was only a few restaurants, and you ended up going to a diner not too far from the motel. It was convenient, as you wanted to be able to hurry back to the motel and talk to Bucky as soon as you'd had some food. You were starving!

You wiped your boots on the mat, Steve following your example after letting the door shut behind the two of you once you'd entered the diner. The diner was pleasantly quiet - only a few customers were seated in booths throughout the building, and the soft conversations that emitted from different directions seemed to help you relax a little bit.

You were seated as soon as you walked in the door, settling into a booth closer to the back of the dining area. You ordered some hot chocolate to warm yourself up, flipping through the menu slowly, not really sure what you wanted for breakfast. The waitress passed your table with a tray of bacon, eggs and toast, and a wave of nausea washed over you. Steve reached out for your hand, about to ask if you were okay, but you quickly stood and made a beeline for the restroom, nearly falling on your frantic journey over there.

You made it just in time, because the next thing you knew you were puking your guts out, crouched in front of one of the toilets, bracing yourself up on the toilet paper rack and the stall's wall. You felt a gentle hand rest on your shoulder, and you knew it was only Steve - however, this didn't stop you from jumping slightly, clutching your stomach with one of your hands as you sniffled. Your eyes were watering from the whole experience, and you felt horrid.

"I-I'm sorry Steve I'm not very hungry anymore." You mumbled, shaking your head and looking up at him apologetically. Steve had a puzzled expression on his face as he watched you carefully, and the way his gaze bore into you caused chills to run down your spine.

"Y/n you need to go home and see Dr Banner, I'll take care of Bucky and I'll get him to come back, but you need to go home." He said suddenly, and your drooping gaze quickly regained it's life as your attention snapped up to him. Go home? The whole reason you were here was because you wanted to be the one to convince Bucky to come home, and now Steve wanted you to leave? Not a chance in hell were you going to let that happen, even if you did feel sick!

"Um, how about NO? I'm the reason Bucky left, I need to make things right so he'll come home! You can't possibly think I'm going to let you convince me to leave after one little speedbump!" You exclaimed, that pukey feeling in the pit of your stomach now replaced with a burning anger. You knew you shouldn't be this mad over a simple thinking like this, but your emotions were through the roof right now, figuring it was the guilt and determination to ease that stinging guilty feeling that were driving you to behave like this.

"Y/n please just trust me on this, I can't let something happen that would...please just go home, I'll call Tony and get him to meet you at the airport..." Steve said, and you got the feeling he knew more about something than you were letting on. You narrowed your eyes, standing abruptly and pushing past him, storming out of the restroom and toward the exit of the diner. You bid farewell to the waitress, apologizing for not ordering anything, then burst out of the diner and breaking into a run for the motel.

You heard Steve calling after you, and knew it was only a matter of time before he caught up to you. You suddenly stopped, clutching your stomach as a cramp overtook your abdomen. You'd run too quickly too soon after puking, and the consequences were obvious. You sat down defeated, in the snow as you hugged your stomach. Steve had seen you sit down, and was by your side in an instant due to being so close to catching up already. 

He scooped you up and soon reached the motel. You had a scowl on your face the entire "ride" to your motel room, and when he set you down on a chair to help you with your boots, you let out a small, annoyed sigh.

"Pretty sure delayed motion sickness from a plane ride doesn't make you helpless." You muttered. Steve cracked a small smile, removing your boots and jacket anyway, despite your initial sassy comment.

"AND I'm pretty sure it doesn't last forever Steve, I wanna stay." You whined by the end of your sentence, pouting as you refused to meet his gaze. 

"Y/n it's not motion sickness..." Steve said quietly, and you rolled your eyes, huffing stubbornly.

"Oh really? Then please explain, oh wise one, what else could possibly be the reason behind me puking my guts out in a nice local diner's bat-" You started, but Steve quickly interrupted. 

"You're pregnant Y/n." He said, not giving you the chance to finish your brief rant. You froze, mouth opening and clamping shut again as you stared at him in absolute disbelief. 

"You're mistaken, there's no way I'd even show symptoms until at least a week or two right?" You whimpered, nervously watching him for any kind of reassurance. There was no way you were pregnant...not after you were still getting over the news of already losing one baby.

"You're a different case...you threw up three days after we uh...yeah, and got way more impulsive literally overnight...I mean I didn't know at that time, but this is exactly how you were the last time." Steve said quietly, and you stood there with wide eyes. Being pregnant WOULD explain the stomach cramps you'd woken up with, the nausea, the uncontrollable emotions that you'd just associated with your oncoming period...oh god.

"Steve what am I...what are we going to do?" You whispered, tears welling up in your eyes. How could you possibly take care of a baby, when you had enough trouble adjusting to every day life and found it hard to consistently take care of your own well being.

Steve pulled you up from the chair, embracing you gently. The hug was so comforting, so raw and full of love and support, you broke down. 

"Shhh, it's okay, we're gonna get through this okay? Whatever you want we'll do, I'm going to be here every step of the way, no matter what." He murmured in your ear, and you melted into the hug, sniffling and shaking in fear, excitement, and complete and utter disbelief. You knew you'd never get an abortion or give up the baby, not after the first round ended, you couldn't do that to Steve again.

You may have been moody, horrified and stressed out from just the mere thought, but you weren't going to take this away from Steve again, he deserved to be happy, whether it be with a family of his own, just you and him, or eventually on his own completely - the thought pained you dearly, not wanting to ever have him out of your life, but if it came down to it, you really didn't want him to be held back by you.

You were about to say something when you heard the door creak. Your head whipped around to see Bucky, standing in the doorway with wide eyes and a look of utter shock on his face. Everything went silent, before Bucky finally cleared his throat, shakily speaking.

"Y/n, you're pregnant?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize dearly for the lack of content, and I hope this little tidbit peaks your interest a little bit more to help make up for my lack of steady posting!
> 
> If you notice any errors or have some tips for me, please don't hesitate to comment your thoughts! Even if you wanna just say hi, feel free, I love chatting and reading the lovely comments you all leave! <3
> 
> Thank you again so much for your support and patience!


	17. Pregnancies, Jet Lag, and Lots of Hugs.

You stood beside Steve is stunned silence, ignoring the goosebumps that were rising from the chilly wind entering the room due to the door still ajar. Bucky continued to stand there, waiting for an answer, a guilty expression plastered on his face.

"You're pregnant Y/n?" He asked a second time, stepping into the room to shut the door, as Steve had gestured for him to shut it. You opened your mouth to reply, but not a single sound managed to find it's way out.

You wrapped your arm around your stomach, not really wanting to believe that you could possibly be pregnant this soon after your whole coma situation and then being kidnapped. How the hell could you get pregnant after sleeping with Steve ONE time after all of that? It seemed so hard to believe, but then again...

"We don't know for sure, Steve could be wrong..." You mumbled, shrugging. Steve wrapped his arm around your shoulder, trying to comfort you a little bit, but you shrugged him off of you.

"I doubt that..." Mumbled Bucky, shaking his head from side to side. You were about to say something, but you noticed the brief look exchanged between Bucky and Steve, followed by Steve nodding ever so slightly. You frowned, looking between the two.

"What?" You finally asked, huffing after the brief question left your lips. When nobody answered, you were a bit frustrated. "What are you two geniuses conspiring? Do super soldiers have some sort of telepathy secret?" You asked, exasperated as you flopped into a chair, crossing your arms over your chest as you switched from glaring between the two of them.

"Come on, we're going home." Bucky said quietly, not looking too happy about the words that came out of his mouth. You blinked, stunned by the announcement that came from the man who just a while ago was refusing to even talk to you or Steve about going back to New York, and now he was jumping up and declaring you were all going home? Did you fall and hit your head while running back to the motel or something?

"You need to go home Y/n, so we're going." Steve added softly, and you rolled your eyes.

"I'm fine Steve. I mean, good, Bucky is opening his eyes and seeing he needs to get his ass back to Stark Tower, but why the sudden change of heart?" You asked, narrowing your eyes suspiciously. You had an inkling that it was due to the whole "might be a little bit pregnant" announcement, but you still wanted them to say it out loud to confirm your wandering thoughts and assumptions.

"You're too stubborn to leave and go home without getting what you want, and you need to be home so there's no other option." Bucky said with a shrug, and you smirked, amused at his statement. Yeah, you were stubborn...that was no lie.

"Come on, we can call Tony and he'll send a jet." Steve said, and you rolled your eyes, letting out a small laugh. You stood up, heading for your bag to zip it up. Steve and Bucky watched you in silence after that, and pretty soon you guys were waiting in an open field for Tony's jet to show up. Some locals had briefly gathered, wondering just who you three were, and when a small boy yelled "IT'S CAPTAIN AMERICA" you thought you were going to be hoarded by half the small town, but his mother just quietly shooed him, saying that it wasn't the real deal, thank goodness.

Thankfully, the jet landed, and you three quickly got on, surprised to find that Tony, Natasha, and Clint were all on board. You raised an eyebrow, but didn't question it when you sat down in a seat, buckling up. Everyone was quiet through the entire plane ride, something that caused you to feel a bit uneasy. Even Tony was silent, not cracking a single joke or making any comment on anything.

You reached over to take Steve's hand, needing some form of comfort while your thoughts ran wildly - matching the speed of the jet's engines. He gently squeezed your hand, helping you relax a fraction as you leaned back in your seat and shut your eyes. Clint exchanged a look with Natasha as they flew the plane together, Tony just sneaking glances between Bucky, Steve, and you.

Finally, you guys landed after a while, and your legs felt like jelly. Steve was supporting your arm, but you shooed him away and stood on your own, stretching leisurely as everyone headed inside Stark tower. You had an idea, and were about to head to the monitor room, but Steve gently tugged you by the arm, stilling you instantly.

"You should go see Dr Banner..." He said softly, removing his hand after you were stopped. You rolled your eyes, huffing lightly.

"Nothing's going to show up on a test yet, isn't it too early?" You asked, almost sounded hopeful. Steve shook his head with a small smirk.

"You'll see, come on I'll walk with you." He said, slipping your hand in his as he led you to the elevator. You glanced back to see Bucky standing by Clint and Natasha, who were begging for an answer as to why everyone was so damn tense. Bucky was ignoring them, watching you. He had a weird look on his face, and you swallowed a lump in your throat before turning back to face forward, entering the elevator with Steve

**_Time-skip, have fun with your imagination!_ **

After what felt like hours of blood being drawn, ultrasounds, and weird looking tests you didn't know the name of being done, Bruce was finally finished with Steve's request. You bit your lower lip, accidentally biting to hard and drawing blood. You didn't wince or anything, simply sucked your lip into your mouth as you waited with Steve on a chair.

Bruce entered, holding a bunch of papers stacked together neatly. You had to admit, his poker face was excellent, because you couldn't tell for the life of you what he was thinking. You stood up expectantly, Steve mimicking your actions as he stood with you.

"Well, good news or bad news depending on what answer you wanna hear." He said calmly, and you felt a shiver go down your spine. You glanced over at Steve before looking at Bruce again. He handed you and Steve each a copy of a paper, and your eyes scanned over the words. Half of it didn't make sense to you, but the final result sure as hell did.

"Congratulations?" Bruce said hesitantly, and you handed him back the paper. Steve looked at the paper intently, and you gently put your hand on his arm, watching him for a reaction. Immediately, he let the paper flutter from his grip and pulled you into a tight hug, his hand cradling the back of your head while the other held your firmly but gently to his chest. You let out a small peep, but relaxed into the embrace.

Bruce grinned, patting both of you on the back before excusing himself to see to other things in the lab. After a few moments you risked a peek up at Steve, seeing a look of pure bliss on his face. You let out a tiny laugh, kissing his cheek before squirming out of his grasp and taking his hand.

"I'm um...I'm going to go do something for a little bit, I'll see you later okay?" You said, and he nodded, raising an eyebrow curiously but figured you just needed some time alone to adjust to the news. He bent down to pick up the paper he'd dropped, tracing his finger along as he read all the chemical results, wanting to know exactly what it meant.

You briskly walked out of the room, heading for the elevator. You soon were on the floor of the control room, tapping the door lightly to see if anyone was inside. There was no reply, so you twisted the cold handle of the door, opening it silently. You stepped inside, shutting it behind you and locking it so nobody would come in un-announced.

You sat in a chair at one of the screens, going to the same files you'd unlocked before, typing in the passcode and clicking one of the video logs from about a week before the accident had occurred. You turned up the volume slightly, leaning back to watch the log.

"Log entry number 385,

It's been way too long since Fury told me I had to start doing these stupid logs, and I gotta say they've really become apart of my daily routine, I mean, I don't have a set time each day I do these, but I get them done so that's good. Um let's see...mission yesterday was a success despite Tony's idiotic actions about the whole "let's see how fast I can fall with the baddies into the water without crumpling like a tin can." incident, but we got them and I think that's what counts right?

Um, I hate this part, thanks alot Nick-dick." Your video self muttered, before taking a deep breath.

"I haven't really been er...regular lately. I'm like...3 weeks late for my period, so I'm going to talk to Bruce tonight cuz he'll get the tests done and keep it a secret from everyone, he's really good about not blabbing everyone's news...unlike Ironing board over there...I just..." Your video self held her breath, and you found yourself doing the same, exhaling at the same time.

"I don't want to be pregnant yet...I mean I want a family with Steve, I love him so god damn much...but I don't know if I'm ready to leave the field to raise a baby yet...I love the thrill of this whole job, I love it almost as much as I love him...I just can't picture being a mom yet. I'd never like...terminate the baby or anything, and if I'm pregnant I'm pregnant, and I know I'd take good care of the baby and Steve would be an amazing dad, but I'm just having selfish thoughts of the life I earned being taken away, even if it's only for a while until I can get back out there."

You paused the video, leaning back in the chair and covering your face with your hands, shaking your head from side to side. Even the previous pregnant you was hesitant, so at least you were consistent on that part. You couldn't help but laugh at the knowledge that you were nervous and uncertain about being pregnant, almost relieved that you weren't technically alone in this feeling.

You jumped up when you heard a knock at the door, followed by someone trying to twist the knob.

"Who the fuck is in there? I need to watch something!" Came the the exasperated huff of Tony, and you laughed, shaking your head.

"I'm busy Tony, come back later." You called, watching the door carefully. Tony let out a whine, smacking the door with either his hand or forehead - you couldn't really tell. You yelped when the door unlocked, followed by an apology from JARVIS, then Tony came rushing in. You quickly scrambled to shut the file and lock it before Tony could see, but he caught a glimpse of the video log and raised an eyebrow.

"What are you busy with Y/n?" He asked with a smirk, shutting and locking the door behind him as he stood in front of the door, crossing his arms over his chest. You glared at him, huffing and trying to shove him out of the way.

"None of your business Stark." You mumbled, and he stepped aside, deciding he'd figure it out once you were out of the room. You left, breaking into a run for the elevator. You were honestly feeling a bit comforted at the fact this wasn't the first rodeo of your present and past self reacting to being pregnant, and decided to return later to see if you could find any progress on the logs of your previous reaction to expecting. You recalled the first log you'd seen, you'd seemed almost excited about it, or at least adjusted to the idea, and had plans to tell Steve.

Being relieved of that big announcement to him yourself was pretty great, taking a massive weight off of your shoulders. You knew it'd be hard to tell the rest of the group, but with Steve to help you knew it'd be significantly easier.

When the elevator door opened, you realized you'd hit the button for Steve's floor instead of your own. Instead of correcting your mistake, you stepped out and headed for his room, knocking three times and taking a step back. The door opened and Steve stood with a towel wrapped around his waist, drops of water dripping down his upper body.

"Oh...sorry Steve, I'll come back after you're done." You said quickly, turning to leave. You weren't blushing surprisingly, just felt a bit awkward. Steve reached out, gently taking your arm to stop you.

"It's okay, just wait on the couch or something till I'm done?" He said, and you couldn't help but laugh at the fact HE was the one blushing. You nodded, following him inside and flopping down on the couch while he disappeared into the bathroom again. You smiled, liking the fact that you'd managed to return to being so comfortable with him as you'd been before the incident, and despite your memories slowly popping up here and there, you'd come to accept that you'd probably never have every part of your mind returned.

However, if you could have at least some form of a normal life with the people you'd been around before, you were content with that. You curled up on your side, watching the hands on the clock as you listened to the running water of the shower. You felt your eyes slowly start to drift shut, tired from the trip to Canada.

Eventually, you faintly heard the door of the bathroom open, sitting up drowsily to see Steve dressed in grey sweatpants and a white t-shirt. You looked at the clock, realizing he'd only been in there for about 10 minutes, your sense of time obviously effected by your exhaustion.

He smiled as he crouched beside the couch to look at you, then took your hand to help you up. You stretched your legs as you stood, then pulled your hand from his to stretch your arms above your head. You yawned, then sat back down on the couch due to the brief head rush you experienced. Steve raised an eyebrow, and you stood again, wrapping your arms around his waist sleepily. You felt him breath out a small laugh, the burst of air hitting the top of your head and blowing on your hair. You shivered, resting your head on his chest.

Steve led you to his bed, tucking you in carefully and crawling into bed beside you. It was probably only close to 8:00 pm, but you both needed an early night.

**_Welcome to Steve's point of view, where all your crazy is seen from another's eyes!_ **

She'd fallen asleep almost instantly, and I couldn't help but smile as I watched her snuggled into the blankets, a small peaceful smile on her face. I stroked her hair every so often, not able to fall asleep as thoughts ran rampant through my mind. The first time she'd been pregnant, I'd had to find out she'd lost the baby before I'd even known she was...we were having a baby.

I felt an over-protective urge rushing through me, knowing I couldn't let the same thing happen again. I wasn't even sure if I was ready to be a father myself, and I got the feeling she was uncertain as well, but after seeing her reaction to that video log of when she'd been planning to tell me, I was certain she wouldn't want to lose this one too.

I nearly jumped out of my skin when she shot up, scrambling away from the blanket, the bed, me, and ending up crawling onto the floor. I quickly stood, rushing to help her up, but she clawed at me blindly, her eyes wild and obviously not recognizing where she was.

"Don't! Don't touch me! I can't lose it again!" You sobbed, scooting away further. I opened my mouth to speak, about to calm her down without waking her, as she was obviously sleepwalking, but she stood up on her own, blinking around in confusion. Even in the dark, the small amount of light filtering through the curtains from the night life of the city, the redness of her cheeks were evident. "Steve I'm sorry I had um...yeah you know..." You mumbled, crawling back into bed. I stood there, pausing a moment before tucking her back in, kissing her forehead softly.

I had a feeling she wouldn't remember any of this the next morning, but I spoke anyway.

"I won't let anything happen again, I promise" I murmured, and she seemed to relax a fraction, the tension in her shoulders easing as she sunk into the comfort of the mattress and blankets. I got back into bed as well, keeping my arms wrapped around her, noting how her own hands were resting on her stomach. She was asleep again, and pretty soon I managed to drift off as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you as always for your patience! I've been enjoying the weather quite a bit, so I haven't really had the chance to write very much! The weather is still great, but I'm home all day tomorrow so I'll have a ton of time to write and catch up, so I MIGHT MIGHT MIGHT have another chapter for this up by tomorrow night - MAYBE. No promises. Don't want to end up breaking that promise, I'd hate that. bleh.
> 
> Anywho, I hope you enjoy this chapter, and I hope the Steve's point of view thing wasn't too weird, I was just trying it out to see how it would go, and I figured "why the heck not?" <3
> 
> Thank you kindly for your support and patience again, and I love you all dearly! <3


	18. Daddy's Home.

Waking up to find Steve passed out on the floor was definitely not how you imagined beginning your day, but it was a welcome sight after a nightmare you'd had while you slept. You hoped you hadn't mumbled anything too weird in your sleep, because it would have been extremely awkward for Steve.

Shit, maybe that was why he was sleeping on the floor...maybe you managed to freak him out to the point where he was more comfortable sleeping next to possible monsters under the bed than next to you. You shrugged, sliding off the bed and tiptoeing around the sleeping super soldier, heading toward the door.

You managed to sneak out without waking him - pretty surprising but you figured that he was just tired, and your training was starting to come in handy for being so sneaky. You went to the elevator, heading for the floor where the monitor room was, thinking it was too early for anyone to be there.

Once you reached the room, you twisted the handle, freezing to see Tony watching one of the videos you'd been looking through last night. 

"Tony?" You asked, and he turned around, raising an eyebrow curiously.

"You've only slept with him one time since that whole 'boom I'm a human ragdoll' thing, but you ended up pregnant again? Super soldier juice must work better than everyone thought." He said with a cheeky grin, and you sighed, flopping down into one of the chairs as you watched him. You were a bit grumpy at the fact he'd managed to figure it out before the "announcement", but it did kind of make things less awkward since it was one on one.

"I mean, you're still pretty young and shit, so I don't know how being a parent will blow over" He muttered, and you shot a glare at him. He turned back to the screen, reaching to move the mouse.

"Were you always such an asshole or were you actually nice-ish before I was in a coma? Cuz I'm getting sick of your shit." You asked suddenly, the thought barely forming in your mind before it was being spoken automatically. You really needed to work on your impulsive speaking habit. Tony paused, his hand hovering over the mouse as he turned to meet your gaze. He shifted, suddenly looking a bit uncomfortable.

"I uh...I'm always an ass but we were good friends, you were basically like a sister from the start..." Tony mumbled, and you held your breath, having no words. You hadn't really expected an answer like that, a simple 'yeah I'm a dick' would have sufficed, because now you had about a hundred new questions rapidly forming inside your head.

"What happened then?" You asked quietly, and Tony shrugged, not meeting your gaze. You hadn't really ever seen him like this, and your mind flashed back to the story that was told about how you were fighting those guys in the alley, Tony helped you out despite your refusal to cooperate, and then recruiting you to join the team of heroes. You imagined he'd been the same sarcastic guy from the start, and even had a faint memory of him making some joke about how you could arm wrestle the Hulk when you were trying to catch your breath after the assistance. 

"It doesn't matter." Tony said, and you flinched at the sharp tone of his voice. He paused, looking slightly guilty but covered it up with a smirk. You narrowed your eyes, crossing your arms over your chest as you gave him a look.

"Tell me." you said stubbornly, and he shook his head, mimicking your position and crossing his arms over his chest, squinting at you. You stared at him, not blinking for over a minute. Finally, you burst out laughing after you blinked, shaking your head. Tony grinned, looking satisfied at the fact he'd won the unspoken staring contest. You noticed a flicker of sadness pass over his face, almost pained as though he'd remembered something, and you stopped laughing, frowning.

"Tony what did I do wrong that made you turn into a dick?" You asked softly, and Tony hesitated, but he finally spoke.

"I've never been very good at coping with emotional shit, and when I...we almost lost you, I didn't know how to think. When you woke up and remembered nothing, it really...god I can't believe I'm saying this crap but it hurt...a lot. Knowing all the shit we did together - pranks, jokes, late night pizza and movies like best friends, all those memories were practically gone for you...I couldn't stand seeing you in the same way." He finally said, never once meeting your gaze. His voice was shaky, and you swallowed a lump forming in your throat.

Right now, Tony was still like a bit of a brother - a distant, jerk brother that you sometimes wished would just stop being him...but at least you knew the true reason behind his actions, and maybe you could return to being the way you two had been before, just like you had with Steve.

This new side of Tony, one you'd yet to experience, caused a wave of sadness, and bittersweet relief to wash over you. 

"They'll all be back eventually right? I mean I've remembered so many things when Bucky made me hit my head a second time right?" You added, scooting your chair over to place a hand on his arm gently. No matter how much of a jerk he'd become, you still felt a surge of comforting instinct arise after seeing him like this. You knew deep down he wasn't trying to be a jerk, but he still hurt your feelings and invaded your privacy much more than just a playful asshole should.

"True, but wasn't half of that shit triggered also after you and Steve...you know" He made a circle with his index finger and thumb, then repeatedly put his other index finger in and out of the loop. You burst into a fit of laughter, ignoring the blush on your face as the lighthearted teasing resumed. "I mean if it comes down to us having to do that for the good of finding memories then I suppose I can take one for the team, but it'd be pretty fucking weird" He said quickly after, wiggling his eyebrows playfully, and you gave him a light shove.

"Not in a million years, Super Soldiers Sticks are far superior to iron-dick." You replied, and Tony made a choking sound, causing you to assume he'd gagged on his own tongue.

"Maybe there's more of you left in that empty head of yours than I originally thought" Tony mused, almost to himself. You bit your lip, standing up and reaching your hand out to take his and yank him to his feet. He stood, watching you cautiously, not sure what you were trying to do.

"Come on, we're going to go on a trip down memory lane." You decided, and Tony raised an eyebrow.

"Why are we leaving then? The videos are all on the screens in here." He said, obviously confused.

"Not virtual memory lane you dummy, I mean you're going to tell me about your personal favourite times, and we're going to do them all over again." You replied, grinning as Tony slowly began to light up at the thought. Pretty soon, Tony was dragging you down the hall to the elevator, both of you laughing as he explained the first thing you were doing - and honestly you were damn excited. 

About an hour and a half later, you and Tony had finished filling up what seemed to be thousands of water balloons. He hadn't gone into depth about the memory, only mentioning that Thor had a major annoyance towards water-balloons specifically because of the last encounter involving you and Tony.

You'd just finished setting up the trap in Thor's bedroom, adjusting the ropes that held the water balloons above his door. You two had about ten minutes before he came back to grab a snack from his not-so-secret secret stash of treats, so you worked quickly to make sure it was in perfect position.

You heard a bellow of laughter echo down from the hall, followed by a farewell to whomever it was Thor was talking to. His heavy footsteps sounded from outside the door, gradually growing closer. You held your breath in excitement as you gave Tony a thumbs up, grinning mischievously.

The door handle twisted, and Thor entered. The rope released, all of the jiggly latex water filled balloons crashing down onto him. A surprised yelp that was deep enough to sound like a roar came from Mr Thunder Thighs, and when the balloons were no more, you couldn't stop laughing. His long blonde hair resembled a wet dog's hanging down heavily as his face dripped with water, a few remnants of the balloons tangled in his locks and stuck to his skin. 

"You have ten second to run, then I'm pinning you under Mjölnir and not moving it." He growled lowly, and you held your breath, never seeing him so grumpy. A small flashback of the same reaction entered your mind, and you burst into a fit of laughter, rushing over and kissing Thor's wet cheek before making a mad dash out the door, not even checking to see if Tony was following.

You and Tony hid in Clint's room for about two hours, much to his annoyance of course. When he'd seen the two of you running and laughing, he was afraid you were going to make him your next victim, but when you breathlessly explained "THOR, WATER BALLOONS, HIDE" he'd shoved the two of you in his room and let you crawl under his bed. Thor had come in, but left when he saw Clint casually flipping through a catalog as though nothing were out of the ordinary.

Tony was giddy with excitement at the thought of editing the security footage to have the water balloons crashing down on repeat, maybe add some epic music to set the mood. It'd be perfect. Your sides were hurting from laughing so hard, trying to calm down at least a little bit.

After the two of you heard from Natasha that Thor had gone out to cool off, you emerged from Clint's room and headed for the elevator, wanting to see if you could get to re-enacting the next favourite memory of Tony's.

You sat in the monitor room for a bit, you stuffing your face with chips and Tony just watching you with a raised eyebrow.

"Slow down there champ, you're only like a week pregnant and you're already succumbing to the cravings?" He snickered, and you glared at him, breaking into a laugh after maybe ten seconds of staring. Today was shaping up to be pretty okay, you were seeing a different side of Tony, and honestly you were liking the time spent with him, like he said, he was like a brother, one you got annoyed with more often than not, but still a brother you could relax and hangout with.

You looked up from your bag when the lights went out. All of the screens turned black, then had a logo you dreaded on it...Hydra.

The screen closest to you resumed to it's monitor position, and your stomach dropped when you saw about twenty people dressed in black with guns outside the door separating you from the outside hall. You looked over at Tony fearfully, and he was already standing, pressing a few buttons. He signaled for you to duck, and you crawled under the desk. There was a loud crash, and when you looked up there was a hole in the wall, and Tony standing in front now in his suit.

Natasha and Clint had left an hour previous to take Bucky out for a while, and Thor was out too. Steve though...oh god Steve.

You saw as the familiar figure of Steve was shoved to the ground. He was gagged, and tied up like a prized hog, too tight to break free. He had cuts and bruises all over his face and arms, and you let out a choked sob. Tony shook his head.

"Jesus Steve, can't even take a nap without getting mauled. Good job cap." He joked, speaking over the intercom. Three men kept him pinned to the ground, when another stepped into the light. He held a gun up to Steve's head, and spoke in a clearly Russian accent.

"Hello Y/n, it's wonderful to see you again." Spoke the man, and you shuddered, recognizing it, but having no idea who it was. His face showed from the darkness, and your stomach lurched, threatening to send up all those chips you'd scarfed down so eagerly. You recognized your own features in this man - your eyes, bone structure, and mouth...the way his mouth upturned in a smirk that you so often did...it sent chills down your back.

You looked at Tony. "What are you doing?! Help him Tony!" you yelled, and Tony shook his head, letting the mask close.

"If I open that door, they're going to get you Y/n...I have to sneak around, you stay here got it?" He said, and you nodded, watching the screen desperately. When Tony left the way his suit had come in, you hugged your stomach.

"I'd suggest while your iron friend is currently trying to get to us, you cooperate. You open that door and surrender right now, I'll call off my forces and let your little boyfriend live." He said with a dark smile. "Or I put a bullet in his head, and your child will know what it's like to grow up without a father like you pretend to have." He added, his finger flexing on the trigger.

You choked back another sob, not even thinking twice before opening the door and showing yourself. Steve tried screaming through the gag, thrashing around as best he could, but it was too late.

The man you'd been told was dead, had come back to get you.

The man growled, lashing out and ripping you toward him by your arm, you crying out when your shoulder wrenched into a painful position as you fought against him. You watched out of the corner of your eye as Steve was shoved into the monitor room, barricading him inside. Tony was busy fighting a distraction team, and you were completely helpless as the man dragged you down the hall and out onto the roof, leaning down to whisper in your ear as a helicopter came into view. You shuddered as his voice felt like nails being pushed into your spine.

"Daddy's Home Y/n, you're going back where you belong."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really don't know where I went with this chapter, I had so much running through my mind I just kind of went really fast into another cliffhanger, IM SORRY DON'T HATE ME
> 
> If you see any errors please let me know, all feedback is welcome as always! <3
> 
> Thanks for your patience, I have no idea when the next chapter will be up! Depends on how motivated to write I am. Thank you again for your support, love you all! <3


	19. You will submit.

You thrashed around through the entire helicopter ride. Tony had tried to follow, but he was quickly grounded when the co-pilot launched an array of missiles at Tony, leaving him no choice but to retreat. You were tied down to the seat, your arms and legs so tightly strapped down you were certain the blood wasn't able to flow to your appendages. If it got to the point where you had to run, you weren't sure you'd be able to move right away, because you were starting to go numb.

You strained against your restraints, trying desperately to find any weak spot of the thick leather straps. 

"They're going to kill you." You spat at the man who was facing you, the man who was supposedly your father, the man who was thought to be dead.

"Let them try. I've lived through their feeble attempts at destroying me before, I'll live through a thousand more. I'm sure they're not going to risk attacking when you're with us as well, seeing as you're "important" to them." He replied smoothly, reaching out to push some of your hair out of your face. You snarled like a wild animal, lashing out and biting his hand. You felt your stomach lurch, but also a feeling of satisfaction rise when you tasted the tang of blood as the skin broke under the force of your teeth.

He growled, ripping his hand away and snapping his fingers. One of the men had a black cloth, quickly gagging you. You screamed through the gag, shaking your head from side to side, but it was a pathetic muffled sound. Your father chuckled darkly, running his hand through your hair. He fisted a chuck near the base of your skull, yanking sharply so your throat was exposed and your head forced up.

You grunted in protest, but your father simply laughed again.

"Definitely still my blood. You'll react well to the process of joining us properly. You're going to be so loyal by the end of this whole mess, I'll be proud to call you my daughter for once - a traitor who turned around." He cooed, and a few of the men sitting behind him snickered. What a bunch of kiss-asses.

He released his grip on your hair, and your head sunk down. You were breathing heavily, your eyes wild as you struggled to think of how to get out of this mess. Your father seemed to recognize that look of desperation, because he grinned wickedly down at you again.

"You realize if you try ANYTHING, that little soldier spawn growing inside you is going to be eliminated as soon as we land." He said, keeping eye contact the whole time. You felt tears well up in your eyes, the thought of losing the baby a second time causing you to cooperate for the time being, not wanting to risk anything bad happening.

He flicked his hand, the man standing next to you ripping off the tracking device you'd managed to grab before being taken that was stuck to your leg. You whimpered, shaking your head quickly. You watched helplessly as they tossed it out of the copter, sending it god knows where.

After what you figured was a few hours, the helicopter flew into what looked like a large, open mouthed cave. It landed inside, and you were released from the chair, a man pinning your arms behind your back harshly as he forced you to walk. Due to your legs being numb, you stumbled, nearly taking him to the ground with you. Luckily he was pretty large, so he could keep you steady with ease. You whimpered, as you were still gagged, and he practically dragged you through a tunnel. Your father was walking ahead of everyone, not looking back once, despite your pathetic whimpers and attempts and crying out.

 

You were suddenly thrust down onto the ground, glad for the fact your jeans were thick enough to prevent skin breaking on your knees. You looked up, whimpering when you saw your father talking to a man you didn't recognize. You couldn't see his face, but by the way he stood, and the way your father didn't meet his gaze, you had a feeling he was important...possibly in charge important.

The man turned and left, walking away from you so you couldn't see his face. You were about to stand, but there was a hand on your back, keeping you pinned down and unable to move. Your father turned back to face you, smiling in that way that continuously managed to send shivers down your spine. You just wished Steve could get here, wished anyone could get here...but this place was seemingly impossible to find unless you knew where to look.

You refused to look away from your father, keeping eye contact as he stared you down, and you returned the favor. The pressure on your back lifted, and you were dragged to your feet. The man yanked your arm backward slightly too hard, and you let out a yelp as pain rushed through your shoulder. You watched as your father gave a little wave, and you were dragged back down the tunnel you'd come. 

You were pulled suddenly to the left into a new tunnel that branched off. You looked around wildly, seeing that there were doors all through the tunnel. You could hear screaming and pleading, and you knew exactly where you were. Flashbacks of the memories you'd regained about being tied down and tortured while you refused to submit entered your mind.

You didn't want to use it as an excuse, but if you weren't pregnant you knew you'd have a much easier time undergoing any form of torture that was being planned, because right now they had a whole lot of leverage to get you to cooperate. A door on your left opened on it's own, sliding upward into the rock wall. You were shoved inside, the the door slammed down behind you. You steadied yourself on the wall, looking around the dimly lit area.

It was practically empty. There was a single, very uncomfortable looking bed in the corner, and two outfits folded neatly on top of the blanket. There was also a chair in the other corner, but that was it. There was nothing else inside the room...except for you. You turned and started banging on the door, yelling for whoever had the power to let you out of this fucking place.

You wanted to go home, you wanted to wake up from this nightmare and wake up next to Steve with his arm wrapped around you protectively. You felt tears prick your eyes, and you sunk down to a sitting position, leaning on the cold metal of the door. You hugged your knees to your chest, sitting there for god knows how long.

You closed your eyes, attempting to squeeze out any possibility for the tears to continue falling, but they pushed through the barricade of eyelids and continued to stream down your face. You began to sob, shaking your head as you covered your mouth with your own hand, not wanting them to hear how pathetic you sounded. 

Keeping your position against that door, you refused to sleep on that bed. Your head sunk forward as you sniffled, hugging your knees tightly as you slowly drifted off.

It was a restless sleep, and you woke up many times, screaming, crying or trying to claw your way out of the room, resulting in bleeding fingers and broken nails. You knew you were reacting poorly to this, but meeting your father for the first time after being told he was dead, and for the first time after the accident - you couldn't cope well. 

You fell backward when the door suddenly slid up, causing you to wake up with a start. You looked up, seeing your father, along with two pairs of feet behind him, since he was the only face in your direct line of view. You held your breath, standing slowly. He smiled, but there was no emotion behind that smile. 

He was about to speak, but you didn't give him the chance. You lunged for him, wrapping your hands around his throat as you tackled him to the ground. Unfortunately, with the training he had and the backup, you were immediately pulled off and restrained. You squirmed in the grips of the men that were now dragging you down the hall, your father walking leisurely in front of you.

"I think you've had enough of a nap to begin the process of showing you where your loyalties should truly to lie." Your father mentioned, turning back and grinning. Your eyes widened, and you quickly began thrashing around. It didn't take a genius to know what he was planning.

"I originally wanted to let you keep your memories and the baby, just break you down emotionally. Emotions hold a lot of anger you know, and I thought it would prove to help when you went to attack your little super friends. However, our leader has decided that it's too risky to keep your thought processing independent, so I can assume you remember the ways we used to let people submit into the nature of our cause." He said, and you whimpered, shaking your head quickly.

"No! You can't!" You screamed at him, trying harder to escape the tight grip of the two men, but they dug their fingers into your arms, causing you to cry out in pain. Your father shrugged.

"The first time we got you, he was a moron. He should have known better than to use a base that your friends knew the location of, besides, it was too close to the city for them NOT to find it. At least here, we're nice and far from them...so we've got plenty of time together sweetheart.

You yelped as you were pulled sharply to the left, then shoved to your knees in another room. Lights came on, and you ducked your head, squeezing your eyes shut as you tried to shield your eyes from the blinding light adjustment. You peeked up, seeing a large chair with hundred of wires protruding out of the back, along with more leather straps on the arms and legs of the chair.

"You guys really fucking like leather, don't you?" You muttered, then yelled in protest when you were lifted and dragged tot he chair, finding yourself strapped down in no time at all. You squirmed, straining against the leather. It bit into your skin, and you had to bite your tongue to avoid spitting out a string of insults at the men who were just standing and watching you as a woman began to attach wires and tubes to your body. You whimpered every time something poked into you, and the woman simply told you to stay still every time you winced or flinched.

After a while, you had all the tubes and wires connected to your body. There was a heart monitor machine hooked up, and you couldn't close your eyes, as they were being forced open. A screen slid down in front of you, and you yelled out in protest, screaming for your father, for anyone to let you go and go home. Tears slid down your cheeks as images began to play.

Everytime you flinched or tried to look away, force yourself to blink, or squirm, a sharp bout of electricity was launched through your body, causing you to scream...which in turn would send another bout of electricity to run through you. The images on the screen were impossible to describe, but you knew they'd be imprinted on your brain forever.

The entire time, you just tried to think happy thoughts, your determination to keep your consciousness and hopes up that someone would help you.

After minutes that felt like hours, and hours that felt like days, you blacked out, your eyes still open but every muscle that was straining in your body releasing their tension. Tears were still falling, but stopped when you lost consciousness. 

When you woke up, you were tucked into the bed in the corner of "your" bedroom. You couldn't move, but your eyes darted around rapidly. You couldn't process anything right now, and didn't even flinch when the door opened and someone entered.

"Goodmorning my dear." Came the smooth voice of your father. You didn't reply, just lay where you were, not able to move.

"Stand." He said.

You were about to say you couldn't, but found yourself unable to control your body as it sat up, then stood. You mentally screamed at yourself, not understanding why you had no control over your movements. Well, you had control, but you couldn't listen to yourself when you tried to sit back down or make a run for it out of the open door.

"It seems to me you've reacted well to the little treatment you've underwent. Follow me." He said, turning and walking out of the room. You willed yourself not to obey, to fight it, to do ANYTHING you wanted to do, but you followed obediently, in a seemingly robotic motion. 

He led you down the hall you'd come, and your eyes darted around wildly. Most of your consciousness was memorizing the layout, but you knew it wasn't because you wanted to. You only had a tiny bit of control over your mind right now, that corner in the very back that was usually reserved for your most secret of thoughts.

He led you out to the mouth of the cave where you'd originally come in, and you begged yourself to make a run for it, you could get away! You had a chance!

You knew this was part of his sick idea of a joke. He knew you couldn't move without being told, you knew you couldn't do anything without a command...and he knew it too. 

"Now, since you're in the right mindset to obey and submit, I think it's time we rid you of that little thing growing inside you, if it's even still alive after the shocks...it should be I suppose, it IS a combination of you and super soldier..." He said, grinning wickedly. You wished you could shake your head, wanting to slap him, to end him. Never had you ever wanted something or someone dead more than you wanted him dead. It wasn't fair!

"I could let you keep it...raise it into this organization, teach it how to be loyal to our cause...yes, I could have that arranged..." He mused, reaching forward to pick a loose thread from your shoulder. You hopelessly stood there, knowing you had a blank look on your face. 

"Yes...I think that would work out well. Congratulations, you're still going to know the joy of being a parent! Well, you won't because you're basically gone now aside from the memories we wanted you to keep, like the layout of the tower, locations of SHIELD and such. You're going to do great here Y/n! After all, you are my flesh and blood..." He murmured, brushing some hair out of your face. 

"Flesh and blood." You heard yourself say, nodding stiffly. The movement was not natural, it was too programmed, too emotionless...too kiss ass.

"Come along, that's enough fresh air for today We're going to get you into some training, get you caught up on your skill level." He said calmly, turning and walking back inside. The last glance you'd gotten of the outside made your mental self scream in frustration. If you could, you know you're be sobbing at this point, but your body was on autopilot, and you had no idea how to take over again. 

~Timeskip~

You lost track of the days you spent there. While you slept, you found yourself able to dream. The memories that had been slowly returning, continued to pop up. It was like a little escape from the reality of your current situation and the current fading of your mental stability. You knew from what Steve had told you, the process for Bucky returning to normal was hard and long, something you never quite understood until now. 

You were woken in the middle of the night, a sharp whisper of your name causing you to sit up and lunge out, pinning the figure against the wall. You screamed at yourself, trying to convince yourself to release your grip on the large figure pinned to the wall. He quickly reacted, taking your arms and pinning them behind you while covering your mouth.

"Y/n, it's okay, it's me, Steve" Came the familiar voice, but your body didn't listen, still struggling against him. There was a loud crash, and some rock crumbled down from the ceiling. Steve didn't flinch, and neither did you. Alarms began to sound, and echoes of boots thumping down the hallway and yelling. A sharp pinch came from your lower back, and your body relaxed. Steve tossed the syringe he'd just used onto the bed, lifting you as your body passed out, leaving you screaming in your mind to wake up and just look at him one more time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DON'T KILL ME FOR THIS ENDING TOO. I LOVE YOU.
> 
> Please let me know if you spot any spelling errors or something doesn't quite work, and feel free to just say hello dear friends! <3
> 
> Thanks for your support, next chapter might be up by tomorrow, or friday night.
> 
> This one was so late because I saw Magic Mike xxl last night and couldn't bring myself to write due to being so excited afterward xD 
> 
> Much love and thank you again! <3


	20. Still here.

Your remaining consciousness was screaming in the back of your mind, desperately pleading to wake up. All you wanted was to have free reign over your actions once more, but you were a ragdoll. You knew you were being carried by Steve, but you couldn't See, nor hear anything that was going on outside of the black empty space of your mind.

All you knew was that there was a familiar presence that was keeping you safe. You thought you heard a muffled voice calling your name, but you weren't sure if you had imagined it, or it it was actually real. 

Unfortunately, the only remaining part of your mind that was you, was being attacked by the rest of your brain. The parts that had been effected from the "brainwashing" your father had subjected you to, now no longer controlling your body as it was briefly paralyzed, began to attack the small piece that was still under your control.

Over and over, it you kept begging yourself to snap out of it, trying to grasp as deep memories to see if it would help your mind to stop it's attack on you, but it had it's own form of retaliation. Your free mind began to cringe, mentally sobbing and trying to block out the images that the rest of your mind was throwing your way. Gory images of torture and murder, visions of people being brainwashed, and then a vision of yourself being told to kill Steve, your hands at his throat.

There was no way you could let this happen, you had to figure out how to bring your mind back from the insanity you'd delved into. It was a weird feeling - looking at yourself as though you were a stranger, arguing with yourself while your physical body was out cold and flopping around in the safety of what you hoped was still Steve's arms. 

You had no idea how much time had passed, or if you were even safely out of the base, but the images flashing in your mind seemed to be passing in slow motion. The slice of a knife through someone's throat, the blood splattering toward you as you watched yourself take someone's life. These things hadn't happened yet...at least from what you could remember, so you came to the assumption that it was a mental threat - your mind telling you what was going to happen once you woke up.

Your eyes suddenly opened, and you looked around slowly, groggily. You knew you were still on auto-pilot, but if you could, you would have sighed with relief once you saw you were in a familiar looking hospital room...the very room you'd woken up in after being in the coma.

Your body suddenly jerked, and you were surprised to see your legs and arms were all strapped down onto the bed, preventing you from moving. You could feel the frustration ebbing through your body and the majority of your mind, and you wished you could block out the screams that erupted from your throat, followed by the thrashing and twisting as your body attempted to free itself from it's restraints.

You were pretty happy that you were tied down, relieved that for now, you couldn't hurt anyone physically. Your mind was too focused on breaking free to attack your remaining free thoughts for gloating at the fact that you couldn't move. 

A door opened, and your eyes snapped over to the figures that moved to the end of your bed. Both parts of your mind recognized Steve, Tony, Bruce and Natasha all standing there. You wanted to cry out in relief, but your mind had control and snarled angrily instead. When Tony raised an eyebrow ever so slightly, your gaze met his, staring at him with an emotionless and chilling glare. He cleared his throat, gesturing for Bruce to check your vitals and overall condition. 

Steve stood where he was, watching you with a pained expression. You felt immensely guilty, horribly worried, but overall relieved that he was there, and didn't seem to be hurt after coming to your rescue, or as your mind called it "kidnapping". Natasha was watching you with her classic poker-face, and your brain immediately recognized. It seemed all parts of your mind knew the basics of the people you had in your life before your father had taken you, including the tell tale signs and traits to watch out for. 

'I can't wait until they make a mistake and I break free, you're going to love watching everything you hold dear be destroyed.' Your mind taunted, and you realized you must have been physically smirking, because Steve's expression changed. He looked almost...nervous. You remembered a little tidbit of information, how hard it was for him to watch Bucky go through the process of returning to normal. You hated the fact that your main consciousness could just brush off the guilt and pain welling up in the deepest part of you, where as you had no choice but to accept and absorb the painful and tragic images that were thrust into your private corner.

Your only sanctuary in your mind, was also your prison - you had no free reign over anything but your mental cell. Your body stilled, head snapping to look over at Bruce, who was monitoring your vitals almost religiously. He didn't dare look at you, knowing the emotionless expression on your face would be too much for him to handle. 

You felt yourself seize up, yelling in protest as something was injected into you. Your body thrashed around, and actually managed to loosen one of the straps on your arms. You thrust your hand out and gripped onto Bruce's sleeve, trying to drag him closer to you. Natasha rushed forward, separating the two of you and quickly pinning your arm back down, Tony stepping forward to help re-attach the strap, making sure it was a bit tighter than before, then proceeding to tighten the rest of them.

"You're all going to die." You said smoothly, not even batting an eye nor quirking a smile. Your face was dead serious, eyes blank. Steve swallowed, obviously uncomfortable with seeing you this way. The room was silent except for the steady beeping from the heart monitor, and your steady, heavy breathing. 

Whatever had been injected to you, you were starting to grow sleepy. The part of your brain you still controlled, hoped that whatever they were pumping into you wouldn't hurt the baby, if it was even still alive at this point. You truly felt nothing, but that was because you had no control or feeling whatsoever, so you hoped that meant there was still hope.

The last thing you heard before your brain blacked out was "this is going to be harder than we thought..." But you weren't sure who said it.

 

When you woke up again, you found yourself in a new room. You weren't strapped down, simply lying on the bed comfortable. You sat up, briefly thinking you had control over yourself, as you'd wanted to sit up in the first place. However, once you heard your own thoughts, you had to watch and listen as you lay back down again, proving a point.

"Good morning sunshine, how're the wrists?" Came the familiar voice of Tony, and you stood up, rushing toward where Tony stood. Your body bounced off of the thick, everything-proof plastic that separated you from everyone else.

Great, you were in containment. No way in, no way out unless permitted by the proper coding, passwords, and precautions to assure everything and everyone would be safe. You blankly stared at Tony, who just watched you without saying a word. You recognized that look he had whenever he was hiding some sort emotion, trying his best to poker face his way through, but you had seen it a few times to recognize when he was upset.

"Better than yours will be when I'm out of here." You replied, and a chill would have gone down your spine if you could, due to the monotone of your own voice. Tony rolled his eyes.

"Blah blah blah. You're going to be in there until you're back to normal...ish. Bucky might stop by and give you some techniques on how to deal with this but if you're not cooperating I don't see how that'll do any good." He grumbled, and you felt a pang of guilt enter you once more. After your big heart-to-heart with him before you were taken, he'd revealed just how hard it had been for him to see you unable to recognize anything you used to know...this had to be similar for him, and you could imagine just how badly this was hurting him. You had to figure out a way to let him, let Steve, let everyone know you were still in here, you were still able to bounce back! You had to! You just needed to figure out how!

Tony left the room, shaking his head, and you mentally screamed for him to come back, willing yourself to make a move, to call out...but nothing happened. You simply turned around and walked back to your bed, sitting on it with your back straight as you took in your surroundings. Your gaze snapped to the left when you heard footsteps, and that was when you saw Steve and Bucky entering. You didn't stand, only watched with a blank expression on your face. Man, if you could play poker right now, you'd be a damn champ!

Bucky sat beside Steve on the other side of the clear wall that prevented you from attacking them. And so the process began.

 

Hours went by, and you had no idea what half of the things Bucky told you to do even meant. Most of the time you wouldn't move, but every so often you'd flinch when he said a word quietly. You had trigger words that were used in all of the brainwash victims, words that would quickly make your body react with a physical memory associated with that word if Hydra ever wanted to slowly recover your mind to give you your independent will back. Everyone's words were different, and yours mostly revolved around Steve and the rest of the team, water balloons was, humorously, one of the words used, which would have been hilarious to you in a different situation.

Steve wrote down every word that earned a reaction, and after a few hours they focused on just using those words in sentences, dropping them randomly and would earn a flinch, or a twitch from your body. Your mind was screaming at you, trying to will yourself not to move, but you internally grinned, glad that the so far one way pain was now being reciprocated toward the brainwashed majority of your mind.

Steve made eye contact with you, looking sad as he spoke.

"Remember Arabella?" He asked, and your entire body seized up, your eyes widening. Bucky stood up quickly, watching carefully.

You knew your mind was too distracted to stop the body's movements, that you thought maybe the guard on you speaking would have been let down briefly, so you focused with all the might you had, managing out four, choked little words before your body collapsed onto your hands and knees, your mind screaming at you and sending images a hundred times worse than it had before, but you still didn't regret your words.

"Steve...I'm still h-here"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for drawing this out but I figured the bigger the build-up the more special the result right? Please don't kill me I can't afford another riot at my house. <3 xD
> 
> Next chapter will be up by Saturday hopefully! I'm already starting to work on it as we speak.
> 
> Please let me know what you thought of this, and let me know where I can improve, what you'd like to see more or less of!
> 
> Take care there friendship, and don't hate me too much please. <3


	21. Every Step of the Way.

Steve had to be held back by Bucky in order to prevent him from rushing into your containment cell to hug you. Immediately after those words had left your lips, your body had collapsed, gaze snapping back up to stare at Bucky and Steve, that empty look there again. 

"The previous me may still be there, but will not be for very much longer." Came the monotone voice you'd come to accept as basically robot you. Steve looked pained, dropping his head as Bucky released him from the grip. You mentally screamed at yourself once more, wishing you could just stop that look from ever crossing Steve's face again, but more images were launched toward your secluded corner.

"Bucky we have to get this going faster, we have to get her back." Steve said desperately, causing a stiff laugh to sound from your lips. He winced again, shaking his head. Bucky put his metal hand on Steve's shoulder as he gave him a reassuring smile.

"We're going to get her back, it'll take time, but we'll get her back." He promised, and Steve surprisingly looked hopeful. You felt a glimmer of pride well up, relieved that you'd at least managed to let them know you were still in there. At least you managed to show them that their determination to get you back wouldn't be in vain. At least they'd discovered a way to at least get part of you to break through again.

Your mind started to tease you, showing you it's imagined plot on how it would kill and destroy everyone and everything you held dear. It showed you how the second it was able to get out, it would make you lose the baby again. The moment it got the chance, it was prepared to drive the remaining bit of consciousness you had to complete madness as it submerged you into a world of torture, evil, and absolute pain while you were helpless to do anything about it.

Over the course of a few weeks, you'd managed to break through many times, bringing new hope to Steve and the others whenever you did. It was hard and draining, and you'd blacked out multiple times, but you were making progress. Everyone would take turns trying to force the old you out of it's prison, everyone but Tony. He refused to even go near the cell anymore, 

You couldn't blame him, as it hurt him quite a bit to see you snap back and forth from the old you and the false you. It seemed that the people who had the most luck bringing you out were Bucky, Natasha, and obviously Steve.

One day, after you'd been doing exceptionally well, you were asleep on your bed. You had been blocked into your little corner, which was a given considering you were too tired from all this effort to prove you were still there. 

Your body rose when footsteps sounded, and were immediately at the barrier separating you from the rest of the floor. It was Steve. You smiled, then realized you weren't the one controlling this smile. It felt like one of your own smiles, almost as though the emotion was there, but you could clearly tell this wasn't you.

"S-Steve?" Came your shaky, tired voice, and immediately you were on edge. Your mind was planning something, and you began screaming, trying to break through to warn Steve, but you couldn't.

Steve inhaled sharply, so hopeful for you to come back that he couldn't see past the mask on your face.

"Y/n, how are you feeling?" He asked, pressing his palm to the clear, thick plastic wall.

"Better now that you're here." Came your reply. Steve was immediately on edge. This was not something you'd ever say, and he knew it. He shook his head, turning to leave. Your mind was one step ahead though, because in order to stop him, you collapsed onto the floor, letting out a pained yell and perfectly imitating what little words and yells you'd been able to squeeze out over the past few weeks. Steve froze, whipping around with wide eyes as he watched you in concern.

Your body began trembling on the floor, eyes forcibly fluttering to the back of your head. You were struggling to get a word out, trying to warn Steve, but you were helpless, unable to do what you begged yourself to do.

Steve immediately entered the access code for emergencies, opening the door to rush to your side. The second he put his hand on your shoulder, you rolled over, perfectly fine. You sprung to your feet and soon had him pinned against the wall, both hands at his throat. His hands flew to yours, and he easily pried them off, but you kneed him in the gut. You were pretty sure you just bruised your knee, mainly because it was like hitting a brick wall, but you continued to attack him. 

"Y/n! Stop it!" Steve pleaded, obviously holding back. He didn't want to hurt you, He knew that help was on it's way, because once he set off the alarm to open the door, everyone in the building would be notified. As for the moment however, he was just trying to keep you subdued without causing any physical pain. 

As the moments wore on, you kept thrashing, attacking Steve with your legs as you tried to break away. You were screaming like a banshee, yelling things like how you were going to kill him and everyone in the building, how Hydra was always going to always survive and that you were going to destroy everything Steve held dear. You were screaming at yourself, but every time Steve said something that would give you a chance to speak, your mind would throw something at you - graphic images of how you would be conscious while ripping out the baby, how you'd be forced to watch while slitting Steve's throat, everything that would trigger you to collapse and sob if you could. 

After what seemed like ages, you were being dragged away from Steve. Still screaming, you continued to thrash around with a new effort, but since there were three pairs of hands holding you back, there wasn't really any point in struggling. 

Unfortunately, you continued to fight like a terrorized animal, twisting to try and bite anything in sight while you clawed at the hands pulling you back. You were pushed to the ground, arms pinned behind your back as someone held your head down, cheek pressed to the cold, cold floor. 

Something sharp poked into the back of your neck, and everything went limp. The final thing your eyes saw before they shut was the devastated look on Steve's face.

Timeskip

When you came to, you were strapped down in that hospital bed again. This time, everyone but Steve was present. You knew you were smirking, but all you wanted to do was just black out again. This was worse torture than the process it took to get your mind to this point back at the Hydra base - being this helplessly trapped was draining all will to even fight...which was dangerous.

Bucky stepped forward when he saw your eyes open, gesturing for everyone to leave the room.

Those present were pretty hesitant to leave you alone, but they really didn't have much of a choice, seeing as Bucky was their best bet as helping you get back your independent will. Tony was the last out of the room, nodding slightly the the super soldier before closing the door behind him. Bucky pulled up a chair to sit next to you, leaning forward with his chin resting on his hands, which were propped up by his knees.

"You're never going to get that whiny little thing back you know. Every day she grows more and more dormant, she can barely even fight anymore." Came the chilling tone of your own voice, that you didn't even recognize as your own at this point.

"I know exactly what's happening, have you forgotten that I've been through the same? This Hydra plan isn't going to play out, and you're going to be back to your old self." Bucky replied calmly, watching you carefully.

"Oh? And just how do you plan on doing that when she's so close to giving up." You replied, smirking slightly as you watched Bucky with a challenging gaze. 

"I'm going to do what they refused to do to me. I know over time I turned out okay, but there's a faster way to handle this." He replied smoothly, and your body strained against the straps. A small memory flashed across your entire mind - something about using the same process that got you to this point, only with a reverse effect.

"No." Came a firm response, but Bucky sighed, shaking his head.

"That's what Steve said too Y/n, but it's the best way to get you back." Bucky whispered sadly, and you begged and pleaded for him to do it, whatever the case it would be worth the pain if you could just get back to what you used to be! For crying out loud, this was worse than those shocks!

"And what about the precious little bundle of joy that's barely the size of a green bean? You heard yourself that too much shock might cause the baby to die, and that'd hurt her more than anything." You sneered, and mentally you were begging, pleading, screaming to stop. You didn't care anymore, you could try a third time, at this point you just couldn't stand being a prisoner in here any longer.

"We've found a few changes that'll help...besides, you know just as well as me that it's got Steve's DNA, it'll be stronger than you'd think." He muttered, and you could almost detect a hint of bitterness in his voice...along with doubt.

Unfortunately, all of you had noticed the doubt, causing you to smirk again.

"We'll see Barnes, we'll see." You replied, ceasing your struggle against the straps that held you down.

"I'm going to be there every step of the way, so don't think for a moment you're going to be alone." He murmured, almost to himself. He was hoping the small part struggling to surface would be able to hear...and you had. Would Steve be there as well? That's all you could think about, and when you realized this, you felt immensely guilty, since Bucky was the first to say he was going to be there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is basically just a filler/buildup chapter heading toward the coming chapters, so please don't be too disappointed at the boringness of this chapter in comparison to the past few cliffhangers that resulted in an almost riot. ;)
> 
> If you notice any errors please let me know, and don't hesitate to suggest any ideas of what you'd like to see in the upcoming storyline! Audience brainstorming is always welcome.
> 
> The next chapter won't be up till most likely monday or tuesday, so please don't hate me for that! (I've got a babysitting job set up for the next two days all day so I won't have a chance to write anything.) 
> 
> Thank you so much for your patience and continuous support, and I love you all very much! <3


	22. That's a lovely name.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WOW, sorry for the late update - but here it is, so curl up, get some tea, get a snack, and enjoy! ♥

You don't recall when or why you passed out, but you were unconscious for what seemed like a number of hours. When you came to, you were strapped to a chair with wires similar to the one's you'd been hooked up to during your previous brainwashing experience. 

"What the fuck?" You heard yourself mumble, head struggling to turn and peer around, but failing once the fact your neck was held in place firmly came to your attention. An annoyed sigh escaped your lips, and your eyes flew around the room wildly, trying to take in your surroundings. The sound of a door opening and shutting quickly echoed around the dimly lit room, causing your attention to strain in attempts to speculate who exactly was in the room with you and yourself.

"Didn't think you'd wake up that fast...but I'm glad you did." Came the familiar voice of Bucky as he stepped into the light, his arms crossed over his chest as he looked you up and down. Your eyes rolled, a small smirk forming on your lips.

"Glad to know you're worried about my well being...now since these straps are uncomfortable, maybe you could help me with that..." You replied sweetly, causing Bucky's expression to harden. He stepped forward, switching something on behind you. The few lights in the room immediately shut off, and a screen slid down directly in front of your face. You squirmed, but not being able to move at all was proving to be more successful than one would have expected.

"What are you going to do, show me cute happy things until I return to normal? Because that won't work." You sneered, rolling your eyes. When you did that, a shock of electricity jolted through you, causing you to cry out. Bucky winced when he saw your reaction, shaking his head.

"I'm not going to explain it, you'll see for yourself...I know you're still in there Y/n, we're going to get you back." He murmured, turning and leaving the room. Once the door was completely shut, the sound of a lock being turned clearly audible to your sensitive ears, the screen in front of you began to play.

The things you saw were making you mentally scream, visions of innocent people being killed by Hydra, your father murdering innocent children and taking survivors to train and be brainwashed - not unlike yourself. Your brainwashed half would wince or stiffen every few clips, causing a jolt of electricity to course through your body. You had no idea why this would help bring you to full consciousness, but you were so desperate for something to grasp onto, something to hope for, you barely let a single shred of doubt or uncertainty cross the small corner of your mind you had control of.

Hours went by, and you could tell your mental resolve and brainwashed orders to not submit to anyone other than your superior, were starting to grow weaker. You couldn't bare to see the images dancing across the screen, but there was no way for you to ignore or block it out.

The final thing that made you snap, that made you break out, was the last clip. The last thing you ever wanted to see again - a memory so deeply buried that you had yet to even uncover it BEFORE being brainwashed.

You were taking a walk with Steve down the street, casually just chatting. You were holding his hand, swinging it playfully while you talked. Both of you had cameras taped to the side of your head - tiny little scope-like devices that you'd promised Tony you'd test for him the next time you two went out. The two of you turned down an alley, heading back toward the tower, when you saw a girl about 6 years old, running as fast as she could toward you two. There were two, rather beefy looking grown men chasing her, one holding a knife. Steve let go of your hand, and the two of you ran forward. 

Steve paused to help get the little girl out of the way, while you launched a full force attack on the men, tackling the one with the knife to the ground, while swinging your legs around to knock the second off his feet, thankful they were running so close together. They yelled in surprise, and the one with the knife swung at you. You countered in an instant, your instinct surfacing as you managed to disarm him. You noticed another presence by you, taking care of the other man and managing to tie his hands behind his back with the man's own belt. 

The man no longer wielding the knife, was attempting to get a choke-hold on you, but you were one step ahead of him, and had your arms around his throat, waiting for him to pass out.

After his face turned purple and his hands stopped clawing at your arms, you let go, his body flopping down on the cold, hard pavement.

Steve held out his hand, pulling you to your feet. Immediately running to the little girl, who was cowering behind a dumpster at this point. 

It was clear she was homeless, from the dirt on his body to the tangled, chocolate brown hair on her head. You were curious to see she wasn't crying, only trying to catch her breath - either from the run, or the shock of the whole ordeal...maybe even both.

You lay your hand on her shoulder, and she yelped, squirming to try and get away.

"Shh, it's okay sweetie, you're safe with us" You soothed, trying to ease her nerves and worry. She slowly relaxed, looking between you and Steve slowly. "Why were they chasing you?" You asked softly.

"I-I was hungry...a-and they said they'd give me food if I went with them, and then I saw h-his knife" She squeaked, shuddering at the thought of the blade the man had been holding. "T-they whispered things and...but their lips didn't move but I knew...I saw what they wanted to do" She whimpered, and you frowned, glancing up at Steve in confusion. She could hear them...but their lips didn't move.

"Do you want to come with us back to where we live? You'd be safe and we can get you something to eat, maybe a bubble bath...what do you think?" You asked, the thoughts in your mind focused on getting her to a comfortable and safe place. She looked between you and Steve, nodding slowly.

"How do people do that? The whisper thingy?" She asked, still holding your hand as she stood back up. You chewed your lip, deciding not to tell her what you thought, instead smiling down at her.

"We can talk about that later okay? Come on, I'm sure our friend Natasha would love to meet you" You said, and the girl nodded, tilting her head.

"The red haired lady?" She peeped, walking quickly between you and Steve. Steve blinked, looking down at her.

"How did y-" He began, but she frowned.

"I just saw a picture in my head, maybe I seen her before" She said with a shrug. This kind of determined your original thought of her not being a normal person - she was obviously gifted, and you wondered what other secrets this little girl had. You eventually reached the tower, the little girl chattering away like a squirrel. You and Steve exchanged smiles every now and then, and for some reason, the thought of what it would be like to have your own little girl, walking down the street, crossed your mind. The little girl stopped, looking up at you as she paused outside the door.

"I think you'd be a good mom, and he'd be a good dad too." She said with a smile, her front two teeth missing as she went through the door. You looked over at Steve, seeing he was blushing profoundly. You gave him a playful shove.

"Come on, we'll figure it out once she's cleaned up and settled in a bit." You said, then turned to see the little girl coming back out, her eyes wide.

"I-it's big in here" She stammered, and you laughed softly, opening the door to go in, but she froze in front of you, looking at something behind you. You turned around, but she let out a scream, jumping in front of you and kicking you in the back of the knee, causing you to fall to the ground. There was a loud gunshot, and when you looked up, the little girl was standing there, holding her stomach. 

You looked at the blood seeping through, and you scrambled to catch her as she fell.

"Steve! Get help!" You cried out, but Steve was already gone before you'd even spoken. You looked down at the little girl, cupping her cheek. "Stay with me...you're going to be okay, I promise, I promised you'd be safe" You whispered, tears streaming down your face as you tried to put pressure on the shot and stop the bleeding, but it was gushing horribly.

You didn't even know her name, how could you have not asked her name.

"A-arabella" Came the tiniest of whispers, a small hand touching your face. You sobbed, shaking your head. 

"Arabella? That's a lovely name" you whispered, looking over to see Bruce, Tony, Steve, and a few doctors running to you. You held her tightly, and her breathing grew struggled. Right when Bruce reached to take over, her body grew limp and her breathing stopped. You let out a sob, looking to the direction the gunshot came from, and your blood ran cold when you saw a jacket with a Hydra logo on the back, disappearing into the gathering crowd of people. 

You stood up, Bruce lifting the little girl. You took off, running furiously for the shooter, ready to kill. You heard Steve yelling for you to stop, but you didn't listen. Steve did however, catch up quickly, pulling you into a forced hug.

"It's a trap, Y/n, I'm so sorry."

"Steve she was barely past her baby stage. She was just a baby...she-she..." You sobbed, clutching onto him as you cried, shaking your head. You couldn't save her...you couldn't protect her like you'd promised. You ripped the camera taped to the side of your head off, and let it fall to the ground, the clip ending immediately after.

You let out a scream mixed with a strangle sob, crying out the little girl's name, Steve's name, crying for Bucky and Tony. This was you...this wasn't fake, this was you...you had control, but that last clip had completely shocked you to tears. That memory was lost for a reason, it'd broken you. You knew that Loki had purposely buried that memory upon your request, but it had resurfaced due to the scene.

The doors opened, and you were being released from the chair and the wires. You didn't fight, nor did you attempt to run or anything of that nature, you clung on to whoever it was freeing you, sobbing heavily.

"She-she was just a baby" You cried, shaking your head. Someone was petting your hair, whispering how sorry they were and that it was the only way. You looked up, seeing that it was Bucky. 

"Steve's on his way" He reassured, looking a little sad when he thought the look of confusion on your face was from it being him, and not Steve.

"Bucky...I-I...They made me...they made me want to kill all of you...I had no control I couldn't stop my body...they..." You stammered, but he just hushed you, rubbing your back as he held your close. 

"It's okay, Doll. You're back now, it's okay." He soothed, similar to the way you'd soothed the little girl, and you burst into a fresh bout of tears. You heard someone run into the room, looking up to see Steve.

"She was just a baby...they...I was working for the ones who killed her" You sobbed, and Steve took over for Bucky, hugging you tightly. He stroked your hair and you pressed your cheek to his chest, breathing him in shakily as you tried to calm down. Bucky excused himself, and you felt a twinge of guilt surface, but it was immediately buried again by the thought of you carrying out orders for the monsters who killed Arabella...you shuddered, completely drained mentally and physically from this whole ordeal.

"I'm so sorry...I'm sorry Steve...Bucky, Tony...I'm so sorry" You rambled on, barely noticing the fact you were being carried from the room. Your eyes were shut tight as you clung onto Steve's shirt, not bothering to ask where he was taking you. You trusted him completely, but a little voice in the back of your head was whispering the words

"Kill him" Over and over, causing you to shudder each time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am SO sorry for the lateness of this update - I've been exhausted nearly all week from babysitting last weekend, it was a nightmare. I was running off of 2 hours sleep for almost 72 hours courtesy of a puppy, a 2 year old, and a 4 year old. Crazy.
> 
> I mean, I made 200$ from it, but still, holy frack.
> 
> Thank you SO SO SO SO SO much for your patience and continuous support, you're all amazing and I truly appreciate how understanding you all are about updates that take a while, and I'm hoping to have the next one done by Sunday, (If I don't get called to babysit again... it's so tiring but it's worth working toward buying a new computer. xD)
> 
> If you notice any errors or anything wrong with the update please let me know! All feedback is welcome, and feel free to just say hi, I love seeing how everyone's doing, and I love hearing your opinions on the chapters!! 
> 
> Thank you again for being so amazing, love you all!


	23. Comfort

It seemed like hours passed before you were settled to the point of being able to speak without a sob interrupting each word. You refused to part from Steve, the safety he seemed to be emitting. You were certain his shirt must have developed rips in it due to you clutching on to it so hard. 

The thoughts of Arabella and how you'd basically taken orders from the very people who killed her, the thoughts of how you tried to kill Steve and Bucky, how you'd constantly been plotting on how to kill them, the thoughts of Hydra taking over with you as their loyal soldier, you couldn't shut them off. You were afraid to go to sleep, terrified if you let your guard down, the half that was whispering those little thoughts to keep killing, to kill everyone, would surface again and take over while you were unconscious.

Steve seemed to notice how tense you were, and continued to comfort you, murmuring little reassurances, saying you were okay and safe, how it was okay now. You were clinging onto him so much you felt like a koala clinging to a branch, a very needy, broken, terrified koala.

"Do you want to go to sleep?" He offered softly, trying his best to keep his voice gentle. Despite his effort, you still flinched when he spoke, the comparison to the whispers he'd been soothing you with to this sudden louder tone startling you. You felt a twinge of amusement at the thought of comparing Steve's voice now to Thor's regular greeting voice...but the amusement quickly faded when an image of Thor, covered in blood and completely still flashed across your mind.

You held back a sob of fear, burying your head in Steve's chest once more. He rubbed your back, holding you tightly as he held his breath. True, he'd experienced a lot of these events with Bucky, but for you...it was different. You were much more broken, so much worse...so much worse. It was harder for him considering the fact he was madly in love with you, and you were still carrying his child.

"Come on, let's go lay down at least okay?" Steve said, and you didn't reply, nodding slightly with your face pressed to his chest. He lifted you to your feet, and you immediately missed the comfort of sitting in his lap. You were shaky while standing, but he held you firmly so you wouldn't fall.

"I'm so sorry Steve." You whispered, still holding onto him tightly. He kissed the top of your head, lifting you into his arms as he carried you to his bedroom. You rested your chin on his shoulder while he walked, in similar fashion to a small child being carried to their bed after falling asleep on the floor after a play date.

You wished this had just been a play date, nothing more than a horrible, horrible dream, but that was unfortunately not the case for you. You whimpered every few steps, but Steve would murmur gently to try and calm you, rubbing your back with his hand.

Fairly quickly, you reached his bedroom. He set you down on the bed, and you hugged yourself, shuddering at the missing comfort of being in his protective arms. It didn't last long however, due to him crawling into bed beside you and pulling you to lay down on his chest. You breathed out a small sigh of relief, tracing your finger on his chest through the thin fabric of his shirt...which was embarrassingly enough wet with your tears. Steve smiled, sitting up with you and parting briefly to take off his shirt. 

"I'm sorry I made your shirt wet." you mumbled, feeling like you had to apologize for everything right now...somewhat like a stereotypical Canadian would. He laughed softly, shaking his head and laying down with you again.

"It's okay, you're okay Y/n" He said softly, running his fingers through your tangled hair. Your busied yourself by tracing the defined lines of muscle on his upper body, welcoming the distraction of focusing on something other than your thoughts. You knit your eyebrows together in concentration, trying to block out the whispers forming in your mind. Steve was watching your closely, stroking your head every so often.

You wanted nothing more than to sleep, but the fear of returning to the way you were before the shock of the treatment, it made you feel like an insomniac, too scared to sleep.

"You're safe to sleep here, you're going to be fine when you wake up I promise." Steve murmured, noticing your worried expression. You blinked, looking up at him with sad, scared eyes.

"How do you know? I....I hear...it's still back there, it whispers to me and I can't stop the thoughts" You whispered, shuddering as you scooted up a bit so your face was beside his instead of resting on his chest. You looked into his baby blue eyes, the warmth and love that was shown causing you to tear up. 

"Shhh, it's okay, we're going to get through this together, okay?" He whispered, trying to comfort you once more. He pressed his forehead to yours, his eyes closed as he murmured sweet little things, like "I love you" and "I won't let you go", over and over again. You relaxed a bit, your tense shoulders and the heavy weight in your stomach relaxing for a little bit.

"I love you...I tried to...hurt you I'm so sorry Steve, I'm so sorry I let this happen" You whimpered, and Steve leaned in, kissing your lips softly to get you to shut up.

Once you parted, he kept his forehead pressed to yours.

"This isn't your fault, you had no idea...we didn't have any idea what was going to happen, if it's anyone's fault it's mine for getting into that place of being a bargaining tool...you decided to safe me, you didn't have to do that. It's my fault, it will never be yours." He said, and when he was about to continue, you leaned in and kissed him deeply, your hand flying to his hair and tugging a little bit.

Steve let out a little groan, cupping your cheek with his hand while one remained curled around you.

The two of you kissed lazily, but after a few minutes it grew more heated, more desperate...more passionate. You found yourself pinned underneath him, his knee in between your legs as he slipped his tongue into your mouth. You let out a quiet moan, almost feeling bad that you were doing this, but the distraction of being with Steve was something you needed, something you'd been wanting since the last time you two had done this.

"Are you sure?" Steve asked softly after your lips had parted. You nodded quickly, embracing his lips with your own again. 

With the go ahead, Steve slowly pulled off your clothes, kissing every inch of skin that was revealed so tenderly it gave you goosebumps.

He kissed the bruises, the cuts, the scrapes, everything, taking his time to prove how much he cared. He wanted you to be comfortable, and easing into this slowly was probably the best way to go about it. He whispered sweet nothings to you between each kiss, and you were arching your back constantly, breathing rapidly increasing speed. 

You were left only in your panties, holding back a moan when Steve's lips wrapped around your left nipple, sucking the tender flesh. Your hands took residence on his shoulders, lightly scratching him when he sucking a little harder. You felt pressure beginning to form in your lower abdomen, and found yourself bucking your hips lightly when his suckling grew harder.

"Steve" You murmured when he moved to your other breast, kissing across the mound until he found your other bud. He repeated the process he had before, increasing the pressure in your stomach. 

"Steve" You whimpered again, grinding your hips against him desperately. 

"We're gonna take this slow, I got you Y/n" He said softly, moving up to kiss your neck. You moaned his name softly, barely even noticing that he was dragging your panties off. Once your body was completely bare, Steve pulled off his pants and boxers, hovering over you as he continued to kiss you deeply and passionately. You could almost taste the emotion behind each kiss, and tried to match his enthusiasm.

His hand was making it's way down to your lower half slowly, leaving goosebumps along the way. When he cupped your sex, you jumped slightly, gasping. He steadied you, looking at you. You calmed down, leaning up to kiss him again. Your breathing grew shallower as he inserted a finger into your region, moving in and out slowly as he continued to ravish your mouth. 

He slipped another finger inside, gingerly pumping in and out as he prepared your body for the main event. You were gradually drawing closer to the edge, wishing he'd go faster, but at the same time begging for this to last as long as humanly possible. His thumb began to rub the small bundle of nerves above your entrance, causing you to clench around his digits.

He smiled mid kiss, but quickly resumed, curling his fingers inside you as he worked your clit. Finally, the tight pressure in your stomach snapped, a wave of pleasure washing over you. You didn't make a noise, your mouth open as Steve kept moving his fingers, kissing your jaw hotly. 

When you came down from your high, you looked up at Steve. He was looking down at you wish an expression, in that moment, you could only describe as pure and utter affection. You leaned up, kissing him again, deeply as you tried to steady your breathing.

Unfortunately, you were interrupted when there was a knock at the door. He pulled out quickly, and you scrambled to cover yourself with the blanket, Steve doing the same.

"Steve, it's Clint...we gotta talk about something" Clint called, and you frowned, wondering why it couldn't wait until morning...or at least until after you were finished trying to have some privacy with Steve. 

"Yeah uh...just gimme a sec, Clint" Steve replied, standing to put his pants back on. You were honestly nervous to be left alone , and Steve seemed to notice your discomfort. He reached out to take your hand, helping you to your feet and quickly giving you some clothes to slip on.

"Come on, you can come too" He said gently, and you breathed out a small sigh of relief. You slipped on the clothes, following him out of the room to see Clint leaning against the wall. He looked hesitant to speak now that you were there.

"Clint what's wrong?" Steve asked with a raised eyebrow. Clint glanced at you, keeping his voice low.

"It's uh...Bruce got some results about the uh...the baby." He said, trying to make himself sound as calm as possible. You took a step back, hand settling on your stomach immediately. 

"What's wrong?" You demanded quickly, a wave of panic washing over you. For some reason, the stressful thought of something being wrong with the baby causing those thoughts from before to re-surface, thoughts of killing, the little whispers...you shuddered as Steve curled his arm around you protectively.

"It's better if Bruce explains...I'm just the messenger." Clint said simply, causing your stomach to churn nervously.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The baby...dun dun DUNNNNN what's gonna happen guys?!
> 
> I don't know when the next update will be - I'm going out to a party tomorrow night most likely, so I don't know how long it'll take me to recover from that late night xD So thank you for the patience!!
> 
>  
> 
> Let me know your thoughts on this chapter and anything I can improve on! You're all amazing and thanks so much for all your support as usual! <3


	24. It feels like it should be a she.

You were a nervous wreck during the entire trip to the lab. The elevator ride was awkwardly silent - the tension in the air so thick you could cut it with a knife. You were trying to think the best of thoughts, while your right hand was clutching on to Steve's, and your left settled on your stomach protectively.

When you reached the floor of the lab and stepped out of the elevator compartment, you stopped walking, trying to hold back tears at the possibility of bad news...which judging from Clint's expression, it hadn't been good news. Steve paused, still holding your hand tightly. He gave you a small, reassuring squeeze, and you took a shaky breath, stepping forward to begin walking toward where Bruce was.

It only took a few moments to find the scientist, he was busy reading over some papers with a look of great concentration plastered on his face...and you got the feeling he was trying to distract himself from whatever news he'd discovered until you and Steve arrived. Tony was pacing around the room, his eyebrows knit together seriously. Bucky was sitting in the corner, his elbows resting on his knees, his hands in turn supporting his face as he leaned forward with his eyes closed.

Clint walked over to join Natasha, who was standing against the wall while she waited, looking puzzled herself. Thor and Loki were also present, but you felt your nerves skyrocket to an entire new level when you noticed the familiar man who'd launched you into training merely two days after waking...Nick Fury.

"Glad you're doing better, Y/n" Fury commented, giving you a little nod, which you decided from what you knew about him, was a pretty gigantic gesture of kindness for him.

You nodded slightly, glancing at all who'd gathered in the room. Bruce cleared his throat as he stood, glancing between you and Steve.

"I uh...I think it would've been best for you to wait till tomorrow to find this out after Steve had a chance to try and help us figure out what to do about...this" He said, gesturing toward your stomach as he tried to choose his words carefully.

"I wasn't going to stay in his room alone after Clint cock-blocked Steve." You commented, hoping you'd ease the tension within the room and yourself if you could crack a joke...however the trembling of your lower lip and the shakiness of your voice was a definite giveaway of your desperation to distract yourself from the serious news at hand. Steve didn't let go of your hand, stroking your knuckles with his thumb as he tried to get you to calm down a little bit.

Everyone let out a short laugh after your comment, hoping to help you ease up a little as well, a gesture you appreciated, hell, Fury even laughed as well, a noise foreign to everyone.

"Y/n, the baby's alive, I think we should get that across clearly before we say anything more." Nick said, clearing his throat as he nodded to you. You breathed out a clearly audible sigh, your tense shoulders relaxing in an instant. You leaned over to Steve, still holding his hand as you rested your cheek on his arm.

"However...we've gotten some alarmingly unusual results from your tests that are...quite concerning." He continued, and you were immediately on edge again, standing up straight as you looked from Bruce, to Fury, to Tony, then back to Bruce again.

"Bruce tell me, please" You asked, the nerves evident in your tone as you spoke to him. Bruce nodded, scratching the back of is head as he pulled some papers from the desk and walked to you and Steve. You looked at the paper, not really understanding half of the words on the paper, but noticing the picture peeking out at the bottom of the stack. You frowned, pulling the photo out while Steve looked over the words.

The picture was obviously an ultrasound, and you knit your eyebrows together in confusion as you studied the picture. The fetus..was significantly larger than before, much too big for how far along you were. True, you were just over a month along now, but you still knew that it was abnormal for it to be this large for this time during the pregnancy.

"Why is it so big?" You asked, looking at Bruce questioningly. Bruce chewed his lower lip, looking at Steve, who was still trying to make sense of the chemical results on the paper.

"We uh...We believe that while under Hydra's command and within their captivity, there were things they did along with the shocks that caused a number of effects to the baby...abnormal growth rates, substantially strong tolerance to any form of trauma - the electric shocks, drug injections, excessive exercise, malnutrition...but..." He paused, glancing at Fury, who gave him a little nod to continue. "But, it started having it's own effects on your own body...You wouldn't notice because up until your mentality finally broke through, you had no sense of what was going on in your body."

You didn't realize, but you were trembling at this point, and Steve had his arm wrapped around you while holding your hand, attempting to comfort you in the best way he knew how.

"Basically, your body is going to start seeing it as an invader, as it's no longer what it originally created. We don't know what the baby will end up being, but after a certain point of growth, we'll have no choice but to have an emergency c-section, so you and the baby both end up okay before either one of you can cause damage to the other.

"I wouldn't...why would you guys assume my body would attack it?! Had it already been doing that?" You demanded, suddenly angry as your gaze snapped from person to person, wanting answers. Bruce shook his head quickly, raising both hands. 

"Not yet, but the way it reacted to tests and such leads to suggest it is a high risk of that occurring...maybe we're wrong but w-" He began, but you cut him off quickly.

"Maybe you're wrong, you're going to be wrong, I-it's not going to do anything." You said, trying to convince yourself more than you were convincing everyone else. 

"Come on, let's get you to bed okay, Y/n? Steve'll join you in a minute so I'll wait with you till he gets there." Natasha said, standing from her leaning position against the wall, and walking over to you and Steve. You were hesitant to let go of him, but Natasha was obviously not taking no for an answer. She took your hand and led you out of the lab to the elevator to get you ready and settled for bed again, much like a mother and stubborn child who was obviously tired, but wanted to stay up past their bedtime would.

You briefly heard Bruce telling Steve the side effects you'd be facing, but you tuned the words out as you began to think of what exactly they did to make the baby...this. Natasha's had was on your back, but it was nowhere near as comforting as being near Steve. You were terrified you'd fall asleep before he got back to the room, but the exhaustion tearing at your limbs was beyond ridiculous at this point.

You flopped down onto Steve's bed, Natasha standing in the doorway as you buried your face in the pillow. This whole mess was stressful, but you were still not prepared to fall asleep. You needed a constant distraction, but as you let yourself be still you felt something in your belly. You shivered, clutching onto a pillow as you moved your face to the side, facing Natasha's direction.

"It'll be okay, Y/n, alright?" She said, trying her best to reassure you, but you were doubtful. You forced a smile, nodding as you closed your eyes, hoping to sleep peacefully. 

~Timeskip~

You woke up with a start, surprised you'd even fallen asleep. There was a shadow in the doorway, and your eyes were looking around wildly as you scrambled to your feet, rushing toward the figure. You let out a scream, lashing out and hitting the figure, who managed to catch your arms and force you to be still.

"Y/n, Y/n?" Came a familiar voice, but at this point all you could figure was this was an enemy. You had to kill. Now.

"Y/n, it's Steve, you're safe at home okay? Calm down you're safe." Steve said over and over, trying to calm you. 

Eventually, after much struggling and lashing about, you settled down, breathing heavily as you leaned on Steve, the tears beginning to fall again.

"Steve I'm...I'm safe right?" You asked, despite knowing you'd been told several times you were. He looked down at you patiently, nodding slowly as he turned on the light. 

"Shh, it's okay don't cry." Steve said softly, rubbing your back as he held you tightly. You didn't even notice you'd been crying, too fueled by fear to realize it. 

You whimpered, barely registering the fact he was lifting you back to bed, laying with you. You closed your eyes, curling up next to him.

"The baby's okay too right? She's gonna be okay?" You asked, and Steve paused, tilting his head.

"She?" He asked, and you blushed, shrugging a bit.

"I dunno...I just...it feels like it should be a she." You said, stifling a yawn. Steve was about to say something else, until he noticed you'd passed out again.

"Should be..." He murmured, watching you until he slowly began to drift off as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks as always for the support and feedback, you're all amazing and I'm happy you don't hate me too much for the previous cliffhanger....here's a nicer-ish chapter for your enjoyment. 
> 
> LOVE YOUUUUU


	25. Shower Sex and Baby Names.

Waking up in a tight embrace, along with warm, steady breaths on the top of your head, should have been a familiar and calming thing to wake up to. However, you were briefly blinded by the shock of conscious contact, and that launched you into a panic, needing to get away. You were launched back into the memory of being trapped, being held down, being forced to see all those things...both times.

Steve woke quickly once you began squirming desperately, and immediately released you from his grip, watching you scramble to the end of the bed, tangled in the sheets and blankets. 

"Y/n, you're okay. You're safe, nobody is going to hurt you, the baby is safe. You're safe" He repeated, trying to ease you out of your panic and back into reality. You took shaky breaths, your terror clouded gaze slowly began to clear, your shoulders relaxing. You were still trembling, but you nodded slowly.

"Steve?" You asked hesitantly, and he nodded with a sad smile. You held your breath, shaking your head as you crawled back to his side, hugging him tightly. He returned the embrace, kissing the top of your head repeatedly. You slowly began to return to regular breathing, the trembles running rampant throughout your body ceasing over a few moments. 

"You're safe, it's okay" He said as he soothed you once more, his voice gentle so as not to startle you again. You shuddered a final time, nodding as you looked up at him to meet his reassuring gaze.

"I'm sorry." You said, feeling a bit embarrassed that you'd woken up twice ready to flee or fight. Steve pet the back of your head gently, kissing the top of your head again.

"It's not your fault, it's okay" He said, and you let out a shaky laugh, resting your head on his chest. He was about to say something, but a loud, hungry growl sounded from your stomach, causing your face to grow hot.

"Someone's a little bit hungry." He teased, and you gave him a playful shove, scooting away and standing up from the bed. You stretched, enjoying the popping feeling in your back as you moved. You sighed contentedly, but jumped when a pair of arms circled around your waist from behind, a palm resting on your stomach. You breathed out again, leaning back into Steve's sturdy form. You closed your eyes as his palm remained in it's place, but jumped when you felt something move in your stomach. 

Steve pulled his hand away in surprise as well, and you turned to look at him, your eyes wide.

"D-did...that...just...?" You stammered, and he grinned, pulling you into a hug. You felt your eyes grow misty, letting out a shaky laugh as he kissed your head over and over again.

"At least we know that much is normal." He joked, and you smiled, leaning up to kiss him softly.

"I think she's just hungry too...all these distractions are making her protest." You murmured, then squirmed out of his grasp and grabbed a blanket off of the bed, wrapping it around you like a cape and padding out of the room to head for the main kitchen. You let out a squeak when you were scooped up from behind, quickly latching your arms around Steve's neck to help support yourself...which wasn't needed considering how strong that guy was.

He set you down in the elevator, and you grinned up at him, swinging his hand with yours as you waited for the elevator to reach your destination. You nearly ran from the elevator at the thought of food, Steve still clutching your hand as you dragged him with you to the kitchen. You skidded to a halt, a look of shock on your face when you saw piles of food on the counter - Bacon, eggs, sausages, toast, waffles, pancakes, fruits, omelettes, hash browns - the works. You looked up at Steve, who grinned, and then realized that everyone was gathered at the table, looking at you wish raised eyebrows.

"Uh...morning" You said, giving a little wave. Tony stood, and you flinched, worried he was leaving due to your presence, but he walked toward you and pulled you into a hug. You stood there in confusion, then he released you, patting your shoulder with a grin.

"Celebratory breakfast, figured you'd be hungry after all that shit. Made your favorites!" He said cheerfully, and you were honestly a little taken aback. Considering the last time you'd been through something traumatic and hadn't been quite yourself, he'd wanted nothing to do with you. You glanced over at Steve, who gave a slight nod, and you managed a small smile.

"You guessed right." You said, then moved to grab a plate, grabbing everything you enjoyed. You moved over to the table, ready to eat a piece of bacon, when your stomach lurched. You dropped the bacon, scrambling to your feet as you made a break for the bathroom. Steve, stood up, exchanging a glance with Natasha before making a beeline after you.

You collapsed in front of the toilet, clutching the sides of the porcelain shitter as you began dry heaving. You hardly noticed the gentle hand rubbing your back, your whole body trembling as you struggled to throw up, but due to not having eaten, there was nothing but overwhelming nausea. 

Bruce came into the bathroom with a glass of water and two anti nausea pills. You blinked back tears as you looked up, hesitant to accept the pills, but gratefully sipped the water. Before you knew it, the glass was drained, You sighed, sitting back on your heels as you rubbed your stomach, not wanting to look up at either Steve or Bruce at this point.

"Sorry..." You mumbled, shaking your head. Steve tried, but he couldn't hold back the sound of laughter that emitted from him. You blinked up at him in confusion, tilting your head.

"What's so funny?" You asked, shakily standing as you crossed your arms over your chest, raising an eyebrow. Steve cleared his throat, rubbing the back of his head, while Bruce held back a laugh of his own.

"It's just...you're apologizing for regular pregnancy things, and it's just kind of funny...sorry." He said quickly, pressing his lips into a tight line to try and hide his smile. Everything went silent for a moment, and you burst out laughing, causing both Bruce and Steve to start laughing as well. 

"I guess it is kind of funny..." You admitted, brushing your hair from your face as you shook your head. Steve moved to put his hand on your shoulder, gently guiding you out of the bathroom as you stifled your giggles. Bruce was still chuckling as he followed. The three of you returned to the kitchen, and everyone looked surprised to see you'd returned. You sat back down where your untouched food remained, picking up the bacon and plopping it down onto Thor's plate - Thor not complaining at the excuse to have more bacon.

You tentatively picked up some toasted, nibbling on it carefully. You sighed in relief when you felt no nausea, and took a few hasty bites. Steve was leaning against the wall, quietly talking to Bruce. You paid no attention, simply enjoying the food your body granted suitable to consume. 

"Loki stop looking at me like that, I'm trying to enjoy my toast." You mumbled, glancing up to meet Loki's gaze, which hadn't wavered from you since you'd entered the kitchen. Loki simply raised an eyebrow, looking at you for another moment, before settling on a spot on the wall. You narrowed your eyes, wondering just why he seemed to be watching you today, but you decided not to think about it too much, as you figured it wouldn't do much good to dwell on whatever was going through the mischief man's mind. 

Once you were done your toast, you moved onto the eggs, happily eating them when they didn't cause any nasty feeling in your tummy. You let out a small hum as you pulled your legs up to cross them as you sat on the chair, happy to finally feel like you were settling into something normal. 

You finished eating, laughing at the little jokes Tony cracked, making small conversations with everyone present. It was relaxing, and there was only one thing you could think of that would make you feel even more normal than you currently did.

A shower.

You stood to bring your plate to the sink, but a hand on your arm stopped you, causing you to look down at Thor, who was grinning ear to ear.

"Fear not Lady Y/n, I and brother Clint have volunteered to clean up the remains of our breakfast meal!" He stated proudly, and you stifled a laugh, unable to figure out why Thor was so excited to do dishes, but then you realized - he'd be the one cleaning up all the remaining food, thus being able to sneak as much scraps as he wanted - what a dog.

You stood, leaving your plate, heading for the door. Steve followed you, leaving his quiet conversation with Bruce, who had a serious look on your face that you barely noticed, too busy thinking about the shower you were going to take. You practically skipped to the elevator, and Steve was grinning while shaking his head when you pressed the button for your floor.

You were both silent throughout the elevator ride, and when it dinged, you started for your room, excited for your shower. Steve was still following you, but kept his distance as he watched you. It seemed like he was imagining it, but you had a new air about you - like you were glowing. You disappeared into your room, but he walked at a slow pace, eventually following you inside. He heard you in the bathroom, noticing you'd left the door open. He moved to close it, not wanting to disturb your privacy, but paused when he saw you standing in front of the mirror, looking at your stomach. 

There was a significant change in your body - a noticeable bump gradually growing over the past weeks, but seeing you here with your shirt lifted as you inspected yourself, it was almost a serene moment he didn't want to end. You glanced up, finally noticing him in the doorway and you blushed, managing a small smile. Steve cleared his throat.

"I uh...I'll go, sorry..." He said quickly, but you shook your head.

"Steve wait." You called out, and he turned, to face you, looking confused. You bit your lower lip hesitantly, then gestured toward the shower. "Join me?" You asked, and he nodded slowly, closing the door behind him as he moved toward the shower to turn it on. You watched him, slipping off your pajama pants, which you'd yet to change out of due to the sheer comfort of them. Steve turned to see you pulling off your over sized t-shirt, which caused him to freeze.

You pulled it off, then saw him looking at you, a blush creeping to your cheeks again. You didn't understand why, but no matter how many times he saw you, you always felt like it was the first time. Steve moved toward you, kissing you softly while a hand settled on your stomach.

You deepened the kiss quickly, hoping you wouldn't be interrupted again like last time. Your hands tugged on his shirt, and he quickly parted to pull it off, while you slipped off your panties and headed to the shower, grinning before stepping inside. The warm water made you let out a content sigh, and you jumped when you felt hands slip around your water drenched waist and lips connect with your shoulder. You grinned, turning around to kiss him deeply, which he returned wholeheartedly.

"I've been wanting this for so long" He murmured in your ear, and you felt a shiver go down your spine, goosebumps rising along every visible inch of your skin. The warm water of the shower combined with the sensations of Steve touching your skin so lightly was making you a huge pile of want right now.

"Me too.." You whispered breathlessly, wrapping your arms around his neck as you leaned up to kiss him, his hands trailing down to rest on your thighs. Your tongue traced across his lip, and he refused entry to his mouth. You pouted against his lips, moving one of your hands down his chest, gradually going lower until you reached his partially erect member. When your fingers brushed against his length, he opened his mouth - a brief mistake you took full advantage of, slipping your tongue in his mouth quickly.

He let out an animalistic groan, and you dragged your hand slowly and lightly against his manhood, teasing him lightly. Unfortunately, he wasn't going to just stand by and let you tease him, so in order to get revenge, he cupped your sex. You let out a gasp, your hand automatically giving him a squeeze, causing him to groan again. 

Finished with the teasing, you stretched up to kiss him again, arms returning to his neck as you lifted one of your legs. He took the hint, removing his hand from between your thighs and lifting you up so you could wrap your legs around his waist. He supported you with his hands under your thighs, your body hovering just above his member.

"Please Steve" You whispered, definitely not above begging at this point. Since Clint interrupted you so Bruce, Fury and co could drop that bomb of the baby being "special" on you and Steve, all you'd wanted more than anything was the comfort of being with him in every way - physically, emotionally, mentally. 

He kissed you deeply, slowly sliding you down on his length, going slow. You let out a loud moan, kissing him desperately as you felt him enter you. Eventually he was completely inside you, still to just feel you. You continued to kiss him, after a few moments rolling your hips against his. He groaned as before, beginning you thrust, moving you up and down.

You moved your face to bury it in his neck, gasping as he fully pulled out and moved back in at a gentle, easy pace. The slow buildup was relaxing and thrilling at the same time, and you had a hand running through his hair as you helped lift your body up and down, rolling your hips in a regular motion. He was whispering little things in your ear, kissing your neck while you moaned softly.

"Steve I love you...I'm so sorry for everything, I love you" You moaned, your body clenching around his as you drew closer to the finish line.

"Shh, it's okay, I love you too...it's not your fault, I love you" He replied, kissing your jawline as he sped up a little bit, angling himself so he could brush against the bundle of nerves above your entrance. You cried out when you came, kissing him deeply while he let you ride out your high. Eventually he came inside you, remaining standing with you for a moment while you lazily kissed each other. 

"Steve I-" You began, but he cut you off with a soft kiss, shaking his head. He set you down, the water starting to get cold at this point, but after that steamy session you barely even noticed. You quickly washed up, sighing contentedly as he washed your hair for you.

Once he let you clean him, he turned off the water and grabbed you a fluffy white towel from the rack, wrapping you in it. He grabbed one for himself, wrapping it around his waist, and you exited the bathroom, heading to get dressed. It wasn't long until you were dressed, lounging around with Steve in your living room, flipping through photo albums and scrapbooks, laughing and talking like...well, any normal couple really.

You glanced up at the clock, seeing that it was barely noon. To be honest it felt like years of being in that shower, and you found yourself blushing at the memory of what you did less than two hours prior.

"What would you wanna name it?" You suddenly asked, looking over at Steve. He raised an eyebrow, a bit surprised at your question. 

"Well...honestly I hadn't gotten that far into thinking about it yet..." He admitted, and scratched the back of his head. You smiled, shrugging.

"Wanna brainstorm?" You asked, and he nodded, leaning back onto the couch to stretch out, the two of you launching into suggesting names.

After about an hour, you had finally settled on either Dylan or Liam if it turned out to be a boy, and the only name that felt right if it were a girl...was Arabella.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So so so sorry for the delay - been busy with friends and such due to summer winding up for me, and been neglecting my writing time :s DON'T HATE ME I LOVE YOU.
> 
>  
> 
> Does this qualify as a cliff hanger? I don't even know anymore. I'm not even going to question it. 
> 
> I hope this chapter isn't too bad, since so many of you were a bit disappointed in the interruption from Clint previously (To be honest so was I), I kind of ...yep. Shower Sex. Okay. Yep...
> 
> Let me know your thoughts and where I can improve, along with any errors you might find so I can correct them! Also, let me know what you would like to see happen in the coming chapters!
> 
> You're all amazing as always, and I love ya! <3


	26. 'Merica, Fuck yeah.

She didn't even notice the blanket Steve draped over her shoulders, nor did she stir when he kissed the top of her forehead. She simply stayed asleep, curled up on her side with her palm gently resting on her stomach. He reached forward to brush a strand of hair out of her face, and couldn't help the flutter in his stomach when a small sigh of content escaped from Y/n's lips as she snuggled a bit closer into the couches fabric, pulling the blanket around her tighter.

He didn't want to leave her, he just wanted to stay and watch her sleep, she looked so perfect...but he had to finish talking to Bruce.

Steve tip-toed out of the room, leaving the door slightly ajar before leaving for the elevator. Bruce was most likely in the lab, he practically lived down there, so it would make it convenient since he'd have all the things he needed to explain to Steve just what was happening to Y/n and the baby.

He walked down the hall at a brisk pace, tapping his fingers on his leg impatiently as he waited for the elevator. When the doors slid open, Steve stepped back in surprise to see Bruce standing in the elevator.

"I was just on my way to talk to you" Steve commented, scratching the back of his head. Bruce nodded, backing back into the elevator and gesturing for Steve to come as well. Steve followed, standing with his hands in his pockets while we waited for the elevator to stop again. The pair were silent the entire time, both trying to think of how to start off this conversation before diving into the risks and what to expect from Y/n's pregnancy.

Finally the doors opened, Steve following Bruce quickly down the hall to the lab. Steve matched the curly haired scientist's pace easily, his strides often overtaking Bruce's, which in turn caused the shorter in comparison man to have to speed up himself.

Once they reached Bruce's area in the lab, he sat down on his chair, Steve sitting across from him and leaning forward expectantly.

"So...as before when we were talking this morning, the risks of her pregnancy aren't exactly safe. From the results we got there's escalated amounts of sensitivity in his nervous system, and she's reacting easily and quickly to everything. A touch on the arm could set her off and either cause a good or bad reaction." Bruce raised an eyebrow slightly, noticing Steve's blush as he recalled that morning's shower...Y/n HAD seemed a bit easier to uh...please that morning.

"Anyways, what Tony and I were most worried about was the amount of electric shocks she endured...we don't know the extent to what Hydra did to the baby for the times she was unconscious, and we're working on figuring out how the baby is growing so quickly. The most we can conclude is that it's a combination of Super Soldier DNA, along with whatever they may have added to her body." Bruce said quietly, Steve simply nodding as he listened.

"It there anything we're able to do to...I don't know, prevent the risks involved?" Steve questioned, and Bruce shook his head, adjusting his glasses.

"It's risky for sure to even run certain tests, her sensitivity could cause her to lash out or even cause an episode. Do you remember how Bucky was at the beginning? The relapses into those episodes and freak outs? Hers would be ten times worse. You mentioned this morning she freaked out when waking up, right?" Bruce asked, and Steve simply nodded, his eyebrows knit together in frustration as he recalled Y/n's brief freak out that morning - the simple act of waking up in someone's arms hadn't been calming, it had caused her to think back to being trapped, and honestly it scared Steve. It scared him to think that this could be a regular occurrence for god knows how long.

"Well, it'll escalate the further along she gets into this pregnancy. At this point I don't think she'll lose the baby, due to the nature of it's DNA and how it's managed to survive everything so far. In fact, from the results on the tests we ran, it's extremely healthy. It's development is much quicker than normal, so we should be able to deliver the baby in a couple months rather than 6 or 7 more." He paused, passing Steve some papers, including the picture of the ultrasound.

Steve held the paper timidly, a number of emotions welling up inside him as he peered at the photo. Bruce watched patiently, letting Steve take in the image in front of him, for the first time really getting a good look at it. 

"She was right then, wasn't she?" Steve finally said, breaking the silence as he looked up at Bruce. He tilted his head, opening his mouth to answer, but paused, realizing what Steve meant.

"Yeah, it's a girl. Did she...I mean I know mothers tend to have an inkling about their kids and whatnot but I'm just surprised she assumed it was a girl after the whole ordeal and the trauma she went through, being able to guess on her own is a good sign." Bruce said, and Steve breathed out a small amount of air that he'd been holding in.

"Yeah..she said it just felt like it should be a girl...I...she'll be happy." He replied quietly.

"Good...now....I know it's probably too soon to even talk about this, but Fury wanted me to mention the beginnings of a plan. What we need to prepare for, how we're going to go through with the c-section once we get that far along, and what to expect once the baby is born. We have no idea what she's going to be capable of once she's removed from Y/n, what uh...powers or abilities she's going to have or what mentality she'll have. Hopefully, it'll be easily influenced from the beginning to waver her to do good and protect her from people who aim to harm her or us." Bruce began, but Steve held up his hand in an instant.

"We should wait until we're farther along...tests might show what we could expect, okay? We don't want Y/n catching us in the act of trying to win over our baby's trust when it should be born trusting her mother and father already. Even if she's got powers or is super human or whatever the hell Hydra made her, she's going to be ours, and it doesn't matter what Nick thinks, I'm going to raise her as normally as we can despite the circumstances." Steve said, obviously making up his mind.

"I figured, but Fury still wan-" Bruce began again, but Steve shook his head, holding up his hands.

"No, we're not going to be treating her like a monster or outsider, she's going to be trusted as one of our own, I'm making sure of that." Steve said, standing up and setting down the papers Bruce had originally given him. After a moment's hesitation, and a mental debate, Steve grabbed the photo of the ultrasound.

"Sorry, you're right Steve, I just...we just want you and Y/n to be ready for anything the future holds."

"That sounds pretty mysterious for you, Banner" Steve replied with a small smirk, indicating there were obviously no hard feelings, Bruce was simply forwarding a message from Fury, not a big deal and it wasn't personal.

Bruce simply laughed, waving his hand.

"Go check on sleeping beauty, she's bound to wake up soon." Bruce commented, and Steve nodded, folding the paper neatly in half before heading out of the lab to the elevator, agreeing with Bruce about Y/n, knowing her well enough to assume she'd wake up at a random time after her nap.

He eventually made it to her door, glad to see it was as he'd left it - slightly ajar. He opened it, peering inside to see she was still fast asleep on the couch, only now she had a photo loosely clutched in her hand, the blanket somewhat handing off of her as she stretched out. He stood in the doorway, taking in the image of her laying there, before stepping forward to crouch and re-adjust the blanket as gently and quietly as he could - obviously wary of startling her as he had this morning.

She shifted a little bit, but stayed asleep, the photo fluttering from her hand and landed by Steve's feet. He looked down, picking it up and looking at it. It was a photo of her, right after she'd been born. He had no idea where she'd found that photo, but it was the only one of her in her mother's arms before she died. He frowned, tracing the edge carefully as he looked at newborn Y/n - not even wanting to imagine she'd end up like her mother.

No, Hydra had let her die - he knew they'd do anything and everything to ensure both Y/n and the baby survived - that's why they were planning the c-section at a certain point, right? He sighed, setting the photo down on the table, putting the paper with the printed photo of the ultrasound over top. Steve reached over, out of habit, to brush strand of hair from her face. He breathed out a small sigh when she didn't stir, but held his breath when her hand moved to hold his, squeezing it lightly as she dreamed.

Steve breathed out again, but held it once more when she moved his hand with hers to lay it on her stomach. He nearly pulled away when he felt a light movement under her skin - the smallest of kicks. He felt his eyes grow misty, but he didn't move. Eventually he pulled his hand away when she stirred, leaning back on his heels to give her some distance.

Y/n sat up, stretching while yawning. She blinked the sleep from her eyes, looking rather confused as to her whereabouts.

"Steve?" She asked softly, her timid, sleepy voice sending Steve's heartbeat into a frenzy.

"You're okay Y/n, you just fell asleep for a bit" He reassured, hoping he wouldn't send her into a panic. She nodded slowly, holding out her arms like a small child for a hug. Steve quickly obliged, sitting next to her and pulling her to his lap, hugging her gently.

"I had a weird dream" She murmured, her eyebrows furrowed as she stared at the coffee table.

"Wanna talk about it?" He asked, and she shook her head.

"Maybe later...Hey what's that?" She asked, reaching forward and grabbing the piece of paper Steve had set down.

"That's uh...that's her" Steve managed to choke out, still coming to terms with the fact that they knew it was a girl. Y/n traced her finger along the edge of the paper, holding her breath as she looked at the ultrasound.

"I hope she looks like you" She murmured, leaning her head on Steve's chest as she continued to stare at the photo. Steve swallowed, resting his chin on top of her head as he looked at the photo again.

"I don't, could you imagine a little girl with my muscles? That'd be terrifying" He mused, and Y/n let out a short snort of laughter, shaking her head.

"I meant your eyes...maybe your hair colour too" She added, and Steve tilted his head, rubbing her shoulder gently.

"Maybe..." He replied simply, and Y/n laughed softly. 

"Either way she's going to be perfect, right?" She paused, then frowned. "Did you get this from Bruce? Is this what you were talking about this morning?" She asked, and Steve nodded slightly, his jaw hardening as he tried to think of a way to not mention the scary parts the future held.

"We were just talking about how the pregnancy was going to be uh...expressed I guess." Which caused Y/n to laugh.

"We're Fed-Exing a baby?" She asked, and Steve chuckled, shaking his head.

"You know what I mean...Bruce said in a couple of months she'll be born...instead of 6 or 7." He said, and Y/n swallowed, looking a bit nervous.

"Steve this is going to sound totally cliche but if something goes wrong and you have to choose-" She began, but Steve shook his head, cutting her off.

"Nothing is going to go wrong, you're both going to be fine." He said firmly, and Y/n huffed.

"But Steve, if something DOES happen, you have to ch-" She tried again, but Steve shook his head once more.

"No, I'm not going to choose the baby over you Y/n, you know I couldn't do that." He admitted, and Y/n's eyes began to water.

"Steve the baby's survived so much it's not fair if-" She tried again, but Steve quickly kissed the top of her head, causing her to shudder from the touch.

"You're both going to be fine, you've seen the ultrasound, she's healthy" Steve tried to re-assure, but Y/n shook her head.

"Promise me, right now." She demanded, squirming out of his grip to look up at him stubbornly. 

"Y/n..." He began, but she cut him off.

"Promise me if you have to you choose the baby over me!" She said, a bit louder now. Steve reached out to cup her cheek, but when he touched her skin she yelped. Due to him having rubbed his feet on the carpet, and after she stood, the brief touch had shocked her lightly - however to her it felt like a thousand bolts, and sent her into a panic, remembering the shocks she endured. She tripped backward, scrambling away.

"Y/n oh god, are you okay?" Steve asked, moving to her side, but she swatted his hands away, letting out a shriek as she squirmed away again.

"Get away from me! You can't...Don't take her!" She screamed, her fists flying around aimlessly as she struggled to get away from Steve. Steve held up both hands.

"You're safe, you're home Y/n, nobody's going to take her." He soothed, his voice shaking noticeably as he tried to calm her down. Y/n shook her head, tears streaming down her face as she fought against him as he tried to pull her into an embrace so she wouldn't hurt herself. She continued to scream and cry, fighting against him as hard as she could, and Steve was trying his best to keep her arms at bay.

"Y/n shh, you're safe, the baby's safe, nothing's going to hurt you" Steve said as calmly as he could, and after a while, the wild look in her eyes began to fade, recognizing where she was. She was panting and hiccuping from the sobs, shaking her head continuously. 

"I-I couldn't save her the first time...I couldn't do it...they can't...they can't have her" She sobbed, burying her face in Steve's shirt. The door flew open - Bucky, Bruce, Tony, and Natasha all standing there with panic stricken faces - assuming they would have had to bring Y/n into containment to work out her episode, but Steve quickly waved them away before she could see - he had this.

"Shh, it wasn't your fault, you're both going to be okay now..." He promised, his heart breaking at how you were rambling on about how you couldn't save her...save Arabella the first time...now that they knew the baby was a girl, he guessed she'd already made her decision to follow through with naming her Arabella as well, almost like a second chance to save her in her subconscious mind.

"It..Steve I'm sorry...I..." She whimpered, rocking back and forth with Steve as he continued to pet her back and comfort her.

"Hey it's okay, you don't need to apologize." He assured, and she let out a shaky sigh, attempting to calm herself down a bit.

"That's it, in and out. Nice deep breaths with me, okay?" He said, breathing in deeply. She mimicked him, breathing in as deep as she could manage despite the shakiness of her breath. 

After nearly half an hour, Steve and Y/n were still sitting on the floor, his arms wrapped around her as they continued to rock back and forth. Neither said a word, Y/n unable to form a sentence, and Steve not wanting to spook her or trigger more tears.

Finally, Y/n looked up at Steve, her tear-stained cheeks still wet and red from crying, her eyes bloodshot.

"Sorry..." She mumbled, and Steve let out a soft chuckle, his chest rumbling against her.

"You don't need to apologize, it's okay" He replied simply, and Y/n shrugged lightly, putting her hand on her stomach protectively before pressing her face to Steve's chest again.

"mm hngry" She mumbled, the sound muffled by his shirt. Fortunately though, he recognized the words.

"Let's go get some lunch okay? We gotta feed the little kicker." He teased softly, in turn causing a smile to tug at the corner of Y/n's lips. He helped her stand. "Do you want to wait here and I bring it up for you, or did you want to eat downstairs?" He asked, and Y/n simply wiped her cheeks with her sleeve.

"I need to get out of this room, kitchen." She decided, and he chuckled.

"Sounds good then, let's go." 

~Your point of view.~

You felt immensely ashamed about how you were triggered by a simple static shock. Not just ashamed, but guilty Steve was the one who had to restrain and comfort you. You vaguely remembered the door opening, assuming someone had come to help, but knowing Steve it was obvious he'd waved them away to deal with you on his own.

Fuck that was embarrassing. Your thoughts were running rampant as you walked with Steve, struggling to ignore the voice in the back of your mind screaming to attack, to kill everything and and everyone. Destroy. Attack. Survive. Return to Hydra.

Steve must have noticed your expression was fearful, because he pulled you into a hug once inside the elevator, continuing his action of rubbing your back gently. You breathed out a small sigh, resting your cheek on him as you'd done before, breathing in the comforting, familiar scent of him.

When the doors opened, you separated and headed for the kitchen, and you suddenly knew exactly what you wanted for lunch.

"Grilled cheese. That's what I'm gonna make." You decided loud, and Steve chuckled.

"How about you sit and watch a movie while I do the cooking? I'll even wear the apron." He offered, then cringed at the suggestion when a mischievous look crossed your face.

"Fine, but you can't take it off until we leave the kitchen." You decided, and he groaned, going to grab it while you sat down at the bar of the kitchen, snatching up the remote and turning on the T.V, switching it over to Netflix to choose something.

"What do you wanna watch?" You called over, hoping Steve would be able to suggest something. Steve glanced over from where he stood at the fridge, pausing the action of pulling out the cheese and butter.

"Uh...Tony was saying I really needed to watch something called uh... Team America World Police, I think?" He said, and you grinned, which sent a panicked look across Steve's face. "Unless it's really bad...I don't..." He began, stammering a bit, but you'd already put it on.

"Too late! No going back!" You exclaimed, and you silently marveled at yourself for how you managed to go from meltdown to cheerful within the blink of an eye. You briefly lay your hand on your stomach again. It was almost the start of a habit - barely able to comprehend the fact you were pregnant and expecting soon, and finding it hard to believe there was a person growing inside you.

"You okay?" Steve called over, in the middle of grating the cheese. He had paused to make sure you were okay.

"Yeah...just...it's kind of hard to believe I went from not remembering anything, to this...I mean a lot is still..missing I guess but I didn't think I'd ever remember things that were important to me...and I'm happy."" You murmured softly, almost to yourself.

You didn't even hear Steve walk over, he was embracing you gently, kissing the top of your head.

"You'll be a great mom" He whispered, and you laughed softly.

"You'll be a good dad too Steve." You replied, and felt him grin against your hair.

"Come on, watch the movie and we'll eat soon." He said, and you kind of wished he hadn't let go of you...but the grumble in your stomach, followed by an indignant kick, dragged those thoughts from the comfort of his embrace, to the comfort of stuffing your face with card and dairy.

~Americaaaaaaa~ came the song from the movie, and you turned to watch the screen, briefly watching for Steve's reaction when it started full force.

"Oh my...Y/n change it please it's...Jesus..." He exclaimed, lunging to shut off the T.V, but you snatched it up and stuck it down your shirt.

"Nope! Cook mister, I'm hungry!" You exclaimed, and he plugged his ears, walking back to start the sandwiches while trying to ignore the sound of the movie.

~Mericaaa, fuck yeah.~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So so sorry for the delay again, as some might know from the last update on Avengers Shenanigans, I've been very busy with my summer trying to do as much as I can, as I start a medication change soon that might send my foot into a relapse, thus causing me to be unable to walk. So I've been trying to do as much as I can in case that happens so I can look back on the fun summer I had.
> 
> ANYWAYS - I hope you liked this chapter! See the Marvel pun? SEE IT. FEEL THE PUN. 
> 
> Also, I'm SO tempted to do a songfic for "America Fuck yeah" with Steve, I think it'd be hilarious...well not really a songfic, more like a reaction to the song I guess. Idk. Maybe yes maybe now will I stay or will I go.
> 
> Let me know what you thought please, all comments are welcome, good, bad, even just saying hi if you want! Love you all and thanks again for your patience and support!


	27. Vulnerable

Whether it was because Steve had made it, because you were extra hungry due to growing another life inside you, or because you hadn't had a grilled cheese sandwich in ages, the cheesy delight tasted so much more special than you could have imagined. You decided silently it was because of the apron, it was always the apron effect.

You had to admit, you purposely were eating as slow as humanly possible, a major feat for a hungry pregnant woman, but you and Steve had made the deal he couldn't take the apron off until you left the kitchen - and you were going to use this time up to the most you could manage.

Steve was trying his damn near hardest to avoid watching the movie you'd put on - the vulgarity of it obviously making him feel a bit horrified. You couldn't help but laugh at his reactions, but gave him a sheepish look whenever he'd attempt to focus on you instead of the film - to which you'd continuously gesture for him to turn around and watch it.

Although you tried your damnedest to savor the grilled cheese sandwich, it was gone before the movie was thirty minutes in - still a good record for eating slow, but disappointing as Steve had an excuse to take off the apron. You tried to convince him to make you another sandwich, but you knew even watching him cook - with or without the apron - the smell of the melting cheese would be too much and send you puking again. Damn pregnant side effects taking away your Steve Apron time.

In all honesty, you were starting to get restless. The days of lounging around and doing nothing other than sleeping, eating, sometimes sex, and dealing with the nausea and annoying kicks waking you in the middle of the night, were becoming repetitive.

You wanted to train. You wanted to be out and about, going on missions with the others. The more free time you had, the more you began to remember. You would randomly think of a mission you went on before the accident, times you'd had to save Clint's life due to him dicking around, or Steve having to save yours after putting yourself at risk to help an innocent.

Most of all though, you thought of being a mom. The worry of how you'd manage to be a parent without having an actual parent to help guide you if you had questions, was a scary thought. You couldn't exactly drop by Hydra's headquarters and see your father, asking "Hey, my kid won't stop screaming at three A.M because she's teething, what'd you do when I had that problem?" and then have him explain you used to just get locked in a room till you fell asleep.

Great parenting.

Thankfully, you had a partner in crime...or anti-crime at least, to help you through this. Steve and yourself had sat down on numerous occasions to read over parenting books, baby stage books, and any other book that might seem helpful. Hell, even the others were pitching in, offering little tips they'd picked up along the way. Sure, none of them had kids, but when Tony was told he got someone pregnant a few years back, he'd dedicated three days straight learning everything he could about being a parent...till the crazy lady admitted she just wanted to have him in her life, and instead of asking him out like a sane person, she pretended she'd gotten pregnant...and after Tony realized he'd never even slept with her, he was pretty embarrassed.

Natasha overheard you ranting to Bruce during an ultrasound, about how worried you were about having to deal with teething, and she spoke up - explaining that she heard that those mini-bagels you could buy at grocery stores and bakeries, worked really well if you put them in the freezer, then let the little ball of joy chew on it. Apparently it numbed the gums - Thanks Natasha!

You were learning quite a lot about everything, and you were truly grateful that your friends were so willing to learn with you and help ease your mind as much as they could, but to you it still wasn't the same.

You never knew your mother, and the truth about how she died pained you greatly. She didn't die while you were being born, she was killed as soon as you'd been extracted from her, her last image of you being carried away by your father, your head peeking over his shoulder while she was shot - blank point.

You knew you would have been too young to remember something like that, but you could imagine seeing her being shot - despite not even remembering what she looked like.

Steve poked your shoulder, and you realized you'd zoned out on the couch, the movie still not over, but you'd had to have been staring at the screen blankly for at least 20 minutes.

"You okay?" He asked, his expression showing his obvious concern. You let out a small laugh, nodding reassuringly.

"I'm okay, just thinking I guess..." You replied, giving his hand a soft squeeze after he'd reached to hold it. You breathed out a small sigh of relief.

"Good, I was worried you were uh...yeah, not all here." He murmured, and you laughed, shaking your head.

"Your grilled cheese isn't going to trigger me Steve, it's too good." You replied cheekily, and Steve laughed, quickly pinning you down on your back on the couch, leaning over you playfully.

"It sounds stereotypical, but you're glowing, Y/n." He whispered, almost as though he was talking to himself. You assumed his inner monologue had simply peaked through again, but despite the conclusion, you couldn't help but blush.

"I'm thinking it's just the sunlight." You replied, not able to think of anything else to say. Steve laughed, kissing you gently before playing his palm on your round tummy.

"I hope she looks more like you than me." He murmured softly, and you smirked, flicking his nose so his gaze would stop focusing on your stomach and meet your eyes.

"God I hope not, I'd feel awful if she was cursed with the monstrosity that is my hair." You joked, and Steve grinned.

"I happen to like your hair." He defended your locks, and you feigned offense.

"Sir, you don't know what it's like to try and untangle this shit in the morning." You replied, trying to not laugh while you sounded defensive.

"Firstly, language, and secondly, I do too. I learned how to braid from your hair, remember?" He reminded, and you pursed your lips, looking up at him. How was he so sweet, and so smooth at the same time? Perhaps like Honey...smooth and sweet, and sometimes a little sticky.

You must have mumbled the word "sticky" because Steve sat up, looking confused.

"Your hair's sticky?" He asked, and you burst out laughing, shaking your head.

"My turn to say things that belonged in my head." You replied, sitting up. He still had a leg on either side of you, but you were able to prop yourself up.

"You know what I was thinking?" You asked, changing the subject. Steve raised an eyebrow, sitting back so you could sit up further, which you did. You crossed your legs as you faced him, and he waited for you to speak again.

"If...you still want to name her Arabella, if when she grew up, and was asked to join the Avengers initiative assuming it's still in tact in what...18 years, because let's be honest if she turns out to have any of my personality she's going to be stubborn...wouldn't a cool code-name for her be "Aura" ? " You asked, and Steve blinked, obviously not having expected you to even consider the possibility of the baby even joining their cause - mainly because he knew how protective of a mother you were going to be, considering you'd freaked out when Tony had merely suggested making her a little baby iron suit and teaching it to fly as a joke.

Steve himself was already protective - of both you and the baby.

"I didn't think you'd even acknowledge the thought of her using her unknown powers at all let alone join us in the future..." Steve answered honestly, and you laughed, shaking your head.

"It was just a thought, a weird, crazy pregnant bitch thought" You defended, and Steve quickly leaned in to kiss your forehead.

"You're not crazy, and you're definitely not a...y'know. Language by the way, there's a child present.'' he teased, and you smirked.

"Speaking of which, you should talk to her. Maybe she'll recognize your voice when she leaves the lovely little stomach she's claimed and I can pee like a normal person." You murmured, remembering how one of the ladies Bruce had brought in mentioned some studies where talking to the baby can effect it.

"I uh..." He stammered, and you noticed how red his cheeks had grown.

"You don't have to Steve" You added, placing your hand on his shoulders gently. Steve shook his head, lifting your shirt to expose your midriff. He lightly placed his palm on your skin again, and you couldn't help but smile at the serious look on his face.

"I do...I want to I just feel kind of...silly I guess." He chuckled, and you couldn't help but laugh yourself, the thought of Captain America being able to face countless numbers of enemies, but not being able to talk to a fetus in your stomach was such an amusing thought to you...for no apparent reason whatsoever.

"It's not silly I promise, besides, nobody is even here but us..." You offered, and Steve smiled, his hand remaining on your stomach.

"Well uh...Hey....little one" Steve began awkwardly, and you snorted in amusement. When Steve gave you a desperate look, you raised both hands.

"Okay okay, sorry, keep going" You said, and Steve nodded, speaking again.

"You know your mom's a bit hot-headed right? So don't take it too personally if she says something sarcastic or forgets to watch her mouth around you..." Steve murmured, and you playfully smacked his shoulder, interrupting.

"I'm NOT that hot-headed." You defended, causing Steve to smirk before continuing, you laying back to stop jumping into the one sided conversation.

"Anyways, I know she is going to be the best mom ever...and will definitely make up for me not being the best dad, but I'm gonna try my very best, I promise that. You're never gonna be alone..and if it comes down to it and we can't find a babysitter, Tony would be more excited than he'd like to admit to try and influence you to be his daughter instead of ours, so we gotta limit how much we let him around you" He said softly, beginning to ramble on. You were mystified at this side of Steve...so...vulnerable as he let out everything he'd been thinking about the baby.

_Vulnerable._

_Vulnerable..._

_He's Vulnerable, dear Y/n, use your training. It's your chance._

The little whisper in the back of your mind was beginning to grow louder, and you rapidly fought, trying to wage war on the demented remainder of whatever had been in your mind by pushing wave after wave of happy, positive thoughts, covering the evil with hopes and dreams and memories of Steve and your friends.

Unfortunately, the little whisper kept growing louder, more persistent, challenging your positive attempts with demented, terrifying images and demands. You flinched, unable to hold it back anymore, and Steve noticed. He stopped mid sentence - something about how he was going to make sure Clint and Natasha didn't try dressing her up in something weird and take pictures that would haunt her when she got into her teens.

"Y/n, hey are you..?" Steve asked, immediately holding your hand. You held back a choked sob.

"Steve it...I can't stop it...it's..." You sobbed, hiccuping as you clung onto his shirt. You felt a flutter of rapid kicks in your belly, the baby obviously responding to your current emotional distress. Steve gently reached, rubbing your back in small circles.

"Shh, Y/n it's okay, you're safe remember?" He soothed, but you continuously shook your head.

"Steve the voice...it keeps...I hear it all the time but it's so loud...I don't want to hurt you..." You whispered, almost begging yourself to stop the thoughts.

Steve pulled you into a tight embrace, holding you and not letting go.

He had an idea, but every since you, him and Bucky had returned, and after the pregnancy announcement, Bucky had been cooped up on his floor. He had only left a few times to see your progress when you'd been on "lock down", and snuck out a few times to see you sleeping.

He figured if anyone was able to offer some advice on the voices however, it was Bucky...but the fact everything was so tense between the three of you, especially as you drew closer to having the baby, and looked increasingly more pregnant, Steve was hesitant to let you near him, worried it might provoke some sort of outburst - from either or both parties.

He took a deep breath, deciding he had to take that risk.

"We're going to go see Bucky and see what he can say, okay? He might know how to teach you to cope." He murmured, and you hiccuped, nodding as he slowly stood you up.

You refused to let go of Steve as the two of you headed to go to Bucky's floor,the sudden realization of who you were about to see sinking in.

_Kill them all..._  
came the whisper in your mind again, causing you to shudder within Steve's strong, protective grasp.

You just hoped Bucky had some advice, and that nothing bad happened on your little visit.

You also hoped you'd stumble across a magic lamp so you could spend all three wishes on your previous hope.

Unfortunately, due to the lamp hope not coming true, the sneaking suspicion things were about to get more dramatic than a middle school gym class when you two saw Bucky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all SO much for your patience, I've been trying to figure out where I want this story to go, and how long I want it to continue, so I've been focused on figuring that out and keeping up with a couple other fics instead of actually writing a chapter update. So I apologize for the long wait~
> 
> Hopefully you all enjoy this chapter, and please let me know what you thought or what you'd like to see in the coming ones! Your support has left me eternally grateful, and it really fueled my ability to write, as before I started I'd never written anything except short fictional stories in English classes.
> 
> Love you all dearly, and once again, thank you!


	28. Weaknesses

Three, loud, clear knocks sounded on the heavy wooden door that separated you and Steve from Bucky's quarters. Steve waited, your hand grasping tightly onto his own while you nervously fidgeted your feet.

A small kick fluttered through your abdomen, causing you to slightly flinch in surprise. Deep breaths, in and out, calm down Y/n. You mentally said to yourself, trying to remain in a good state of mind.

"Bucky, you awake in there? We need to uh...talk about some stuff." Steve called after a full minute of silence, the sound of him knocking haven't had any effect on summoning Bucky to the door so you were able to chat.

There was a scuffling sound that arose from the room behind the door, and then the slide of a lock, followed by the door swinging open.

He looked grumpy, and was about to say something until he noticed your bloodshot gaze was planted on him. He obviously hadn't even known you were there before, probably only assuming it was Steve, and those two had been avoiding each other like the plague since you'd convinced Bucky to return those few months prior, thus the grumpy demeanor.

"What's going on?" He asked, his eyebrows raised in confusion as he looked you over, before looking at Steve.

"Can we come in? I think it's better if we sit down before talking." Steve asked, pinning his hopefully still best friend with a pleading look, a look you didn't see as you were focused on the door handle, partially zoned out at this point.

Bucky simply nodded, opening the door a little wider so you two could follow him inside. Steve gently led you to the brown, worn leather couch, and you perched yourself on the edge of the cushion, unable to relax.

"You guys want anything to drink?" Bucky asked, hoping to help relax you a little before the three of you talked about whatever it was you'd come to talk about.

"No thank you." You murmured, shuddering as an image of Bucky being strangled flashed through your mind. Steve's ever-present hand on your back was rubbing gentle circles.

"Alright, what's going on? Y/n, no offense, you look like-" Bucky began, and you stifled a snort of amusement.

"Shit. I know, I look like shit." You replied, sounding a bit bitchier than you'd intended. Steve smiled a little, but didn't scold you for your vulgar description of your appearance.

"I was going to say you looked tired, but that works too I guess." Bucky said, managing a small smirk.

"Buck, Y/n's had some uh...trouble coping with the aftershocks of getting back to herself." Steve began, and Bucky simply nodded, immediately understanding.

"I'm surprised it didn't get this bad sooner to be honest. It's a borderline relapse, I had a few. Steve didn't know about them simply cuz I didn't want him babying me." Bucky said with a shrug, and Steve huffed.

"Says the one who babied me while we were kids." He mumbled, and you let out a soft, breathy laugh, starting to relax a little bit more.

"H-how did you get them to stop Bucky? The voices? I..." Your voice broke as a choked sob made it's way out. "I don't wanna hurt anyone..."

Bucky smiled sadly, and you risked a glance at Steve. He was focused intently on Bucky, the guilt-stricken worry plain as day on his face.

"It took a lot of time...but it helped that Steve was there. For me, I just tried to stay in quiet places for a while, didn't talk much, didn't let my thoughts turn into words, you just gotta figure out a way to keep the monsters at bay." Bucky said, and you nodded slightly, looking hopeful.

"But they stopped right? You don't have voices anymore?" You asked, and Steve shot Bucky a warning look, not wanting to get your hopes up too much, as he knew for a fact Bucky still had nightmares and relapses.

"Honestly I don't think they ever completely go away, y/n...but they do become easier to manage and any episodes have wider spans between them.." Bucky said, then paused for a few seconds.

"....you may be different thought, you could get rid of the voices..." Bucky added, trying to keep your spirits at a realistic level without damaging your hope too badly.

Your shoulders slumped visibly, and you let out a defeated sigh. Your hand was on your stomach and your eyes were squeezed shut as you fought back tears of frustration.

"I can't lose everything again...I just got it back" You whispered, more to yourself than anyone else. Bucky's gaze hardened, and he stood abruptly, causing you to stand in a panic as well, backing up a little. Steve in turn, stood as well, glancing between you and Bucky quickly.

"You're going to get through this doll, you're stronger than I ever was, you'll get better." Bucky said, causing Steve to wilt a fraction. He'd been fearful of filling you with too much hope because that's what he'd done with Bucky, gotten his hopes too high and then ending up with permanent and frequent night terrors, episodes, and moments of absolute zero clarity.

You nodded slightly, sighing as you sat back down again.

"I just want her to be born safe...I'm...I'm sorry I just" You stammered, eyes welling up with tears again. You felt truly pathetic right now, feeling so weak.

Weak...

They're not expecting it, they're weak.

Make your move, Y/n.

You squeezed your hands into tight fists, breathing increasing suddenly.

"NO" You yelled out, scrambling away from Steve and Bucky, tripping over the unsteady noodles that were your legs, flailing around as you crawled on the floor, screaming at your mind to stop.

The images being thrown your way were revolting, but one in particular struck a nerve.

**~Image~**

_This vision of yourself depicted you, first holding hands with Steve as you walked along the sidewalk downtown. All of the bright colours and cheery atmosphere swiftly melted away into red, black, and disturbing gory colours. Everything and everyone was dead around you, and Steve was on his knees, holding the lifeless, bloody and slashed up fetus._

_You glanced down at your own stomach, seeing the blood pouring out where you'd physically ripped your own baby, your own flesh and blood, from your body._

_This lasted a split second before your hands found their way around Steve's throat, the begging, pleading gaze etched into your mind as his body went limp in your grip._

_When the thud of him hitting the blood soaked pavement at your feet reached your ears, you were brought back to reality._

**~Image end~**

You were convulsing on the floor of Bucky's living room, Steve's hands on your shoulders to prevent you from thrashing around too much, and Buck had your legs pinned down so you couldn't shake Steve off.

It was then you'd realized you were screaming uncontrollably.

The way you experienced this was almost as though you'd exited your body, while remaining inside. All your brain saw was red, and all you heard was the blood rushing through your ears.

You vaguely could register hearing Steve begging for you to snap out of it, repeating over and over that you were safe, but your struggled shaking continued to plague you.

Just when you thought your body was going to explode from the sheer pressure forming within your mind, everything stopped.

You looked over sluggishly, seeing a needle being pulled out of your thigh. You blinked, the motion resembling a slow motion run, and you turned your gaze up at the rate of a snail through honey, seeing Bruce standing there with a syringe, concern plain as your pregnant stomach written all over his face.

"You're okay, Y/n, you're safe." You heard Steve say...or was that Bucky? Everything began blurring together, and your shoulders finally relaxed, causing you to slump into Steve's chest.

"m'sorry" You whisper-mumbled, before passing out completely, warmth and calm overtaking your body, the red, blinding anger retreating to it's secret corner in your mind.

_**~Take a nap bro.~** _

You woke up, a grunt of confusion escaping you when you realized you were in Steve's bedroom. You pushed the blankets off of your legs, sliding out of the bed.

At first, your legs were not steady whatsoever, and you clung onto the mattress, waiting for your center of balance to return.

Once your equilibrium balanced itself out, you wobbled shakily over to the bathroom that connected to Steve's bedroom. You leaned on the counter-top, looking at yourself in the mirror.

Your (h/c) locks were sticking up all over the place, tangled, knotted, and basically made a curly haired toy poodle's ass look tidy. Your (e/c) eyes were bloodshot, and the bags under them made you look like like a zombie fresh out of a horror movie.

After looking at the mirror for a moment, the memory of what happened, washed over you. You clenched your jaw, despising the voices that took over. You could have seriously hurt the baby...or Steve or Bucky.

Well, that was odd.

Normally, your first thought would be "Is Steve okay?" But in that moment, all you could think of was the baby. Were you really already at the stage of being an over-protective mother, striding to put her child's well-being before her own, risking her life to keep her child out of danger?

You lay your palm on your stomach, which at this point had surprisingly larger bump than one would during a normal pregnancy. The kick that responded made you choke back a sob.

Call it cliche, but it was almost like a reassurance from your daughter, her telling you she was okay and not to worry, that you were doing okay with keeping her safe.

A thought popped into your head. Not too long prior, you'd been told by Bruce and Steve that the baby would be removed as soon as she was developed enough...but you couldn't help but wonder what Fury wanted to plan for your child. If she were to be born with powers, or some sort of super-human strength, if she'd be treated like a prisoner or experiment.

"I need to see Nick" You mumbled aloud, turning to exit Steve's bathroom, the only thought in your mind was finding Fury and discussing the plan of your unborn child. You knew already you were going to be difficult to talk to, but you weren't going to back down.

Your gaze was clouded over, either groggy from whatever Bruce had injected you with, or just physically hungover from the shaking epidemic you'd experienced. Nevertheless, you went to Steve's drawers and found a pair of socks. They were much too big, but your toes were cold, and desperate times called for desperate measures.

You yanked the socks up as high as you could manage, so that the toes weren't loose. The heel of the socks however, managed to settle just above your ankles, but you didn't mind it as much as you would mind tripping over your own floppy, loose sock wearing toes.

You padded out into the hall, slipping out of Steve's quarter's door, and headed straight to the elevator.

"Greetings, Miss L/n, where can I take you?" Came the chipper, polite british tone of JARVIS, and you couldn't help but smile.

"Do you know whereabouts Director Fury may be? I need to be taken to that floor." You requested hopefully, mentally begging the gods that Tony had installed some fancy mumbo jumbo that allowed J to find the location of those currently in the building.

"Of course, Miss. He's currently speaking with Mr Rogers and Mr Banner in the conference room the 8th floor, shall I take you there now?" JARVIS asked, and you noticeably breathed a sigh of relief as your shoulders relaxed.

"Yes, please" You replied, smiling as you watched the floor numbers change as you slowly descended.

Finally, the doors chimed, and slid open. You thanks the AI, and started down the hallway to the conference room. In truth, you were rather relieved both Steve and Bruce would be there while you talked to Nick, because had you been alone you might be worried about not having moral and verbal support when you doubted your own words or couldn't filter through the haze in your mind.

You pushed open the door, causing the three men present in the room to whip around in surprise and cease their previous discussion.

Steve was at your side in almost an instant, his hand around your waist to support you, as he'd noticed your legs were shaking before you had even felt them begin to tremble.

"L/n, nice to see you awake...again." Nick said with a small nod, and you took a deep breath, holding his gaze.

"Director I...I need to talk to you" You began, but Fury held up his left hand to silence you. You frowned, narrowing your eyes at the interruption, but gave him the benefit of the doubt and shut your mouth, giving him the chance to speak.

"I'm assuming you want to speak about how we're going to deal with the birth of your kid and what we're going to do with it-"

You cut him off quickly.

"Her, not it." You corrected, and he shrugged, before continuing.

"Her, and what plan will be in action if it-she proves to be dangerous." He finished, and you stiffened. Steve's hand was splayed on your back, rubbing soothingly in order to keep you at bay and not lash out, however, the over-protective hormones surging through your body as of late, took over your tongue.

"She won't be dangerous because we're going to raise her like a normal child. You've seen first had what happens depending on the environment a born mutant is raised in, as it is with ANY fucking kid, pardon my french, so we're going to raise her normally." You finished, ignoring the machine gun flutter of kicks from inside your belly, simply laying your hand on it to try and silence your unborn daughter.

"Alright Y/n, why don't you sit down and calm yourself a bit, alright? We don't need you snapping because you got too heated." Fury said, sitting down himself across from where you'd stood.

You narrowed your eyes, the hostility in your gaze clearly present, but you complied, sitting down. Steve stayed standing behind you, one hand lightly squeezing your shoulder - moral support.

"I'm not going to snap because I'm protective, it's just when I'm caught off guard or whatever." You mumbled defensively, crossing your arms over your chest like a scolded child who was grumpy.

"And care to explain how you were caught off guard earlier in Bucky's living room?" Fury countered, and you flinched, looking down at your lap.

"I...you're not going to buy it so why bother." You retorted, ignoring Steve's gentle squeeze on your shoulder.

"We were discussing what could trigger her, she was distressed and had an episode, that's it Director." Steve offered, and Fury simply raised his hand to silence Steve.

"Y/n, let's make a deal. If Your child shows a sign of being hard to contain or condition to be good, we'll take action. As soon as that happens - whether it's when it," He paused, noticing your gaze hardening. "Sorry, when she comes into the world, or a few years down the road, if it happens, we have no choice but to take her into our care and keep her out of harm's way, and keep her out of harming everything and everyone IN her way." Nick finished, and you sighed, feeling slightly defeated.

"Then we're just going to make sure she doesn't turn out like that." Came the voice of Bucky, and you frowned, looking over at him, who had been silent since you arrived.

"Yeah, Bucky's right.we won't let her be influenced to side with the wrong people, besides with Y/n as her mother sh-" Steve began, but Fury rolled his eye, giving Steve a serious look.

"And if Y/n has an episode while caring for the kid?" Nick asked, and you huffed. They were speaking as though you weren't present.

"Nick, she's my flesh and blood, no episode is going to happen while I'm with her, I'll tell you that much." You decided out loud. The sensation of extreme protective nature had been following you for a while now, but this was the first time you'd put it into words for someone so high up.

"For your sake, and everyone else's I hope you're right." Nick said, looking slightly frustrated with how stubborn you were being.

  
"Hey Nick, 100$ says you'll love the kid more than anyone as soon as she's here." Challenged Tony, as he walked into the room. He'd clearly been eavesdropping, but you couldn't stop the small, amused smile forming at the corner of your mouth.

"I see you're finally awake, Stark. And I'll accept the bet because I'd like a nice steak dinner when I win." Nick said, nodding slightly. He showed no sign of amusement, and you immediately felt bad for tony, but seeing as he was something like a bajillionaire genius, you were pretty certain the man could spare a hundred bucks.

"You'll see, anything that could come from America's sweetheart and Cap is going to be like a cupcake. It's inevitable that you adore the little ball of sunshine. Speaking of which, Cap, Comatose, decide on a name for her yet?" Tony asked, diverting the attention away from you specifically in a seemingly permanent manner, for which you were extremely grateful.

"Yeah actually, we both decided Arabella would be the only thing that's right." Steve replied, and you realized you were now beaming ear to ear at the thought of officially naming your daughter, it was almost a serene experience.

"I hope you know that little runt is going to be the most spoiled avenger we've ever seen." Tony announced decisively, and you laughed, shaking your head.

"She's not going to be made into the Superhero princess, Tony, I'm not going to raise a brat." You replied, and Tony looked a tad crestfallen.

"You know, you two won't even know about half of the stuff I buy her, because when you find out you're going to see how happy baby america is going to be while getting spoiled by her favourite uncle." Tony said, and you groaned, hiding the warmth forming in your heart at the realization that Tony was actually excited...so excited in fact he was already calling himself an uncle...Uncle Tony.

"We'll see about that, I have a feeling It'll be a big competition for who the kid's favourite uncle is gonna be." Bucky said quietly, and you offered a small smile his way, feeling relieved when he returned the look.

"Well, we know her fave aunt is obviously Nat, there's not even a fight in that one." You said, joining in on the fun. Even Nick cracked a smile at that,

"Oh man, I dunno, if I dress in drag and pretend I'm sure I'd win over Natasha." Tony declared...right when Nat walked into the room.

"Excuse yourself, Stark. You know for a fact I'm already the favourite." Natasha said, narrowing her eyes at Tony. Tony swallowed noticeably, before turning to you.

 

"Come on kid, let's go, you look like you're ready to drop." Tony offered, sticking out his hand to help you stand up.

You simply batted away his hand before standing on your own, shooting him a surprisingly playful look.

"Tony, I'm pregnant, not disabled, jesus I can stand on my own accord thank you very much." You drawled, forcing down a laugh as you held your poker-face.

"Okay, okay, calm your pregnant tits. I'll make you tea, alright?" Tony said, and you couldn't help but think about how nice he was being...maybe he was adjusting to your seemingly constant episodes, and trying to keep up your friendship instead of shutting you out and being a COMPLETE jackass, instead of simply just being a partial one.

You followed Tony out of the room, briefly hearing a discussion start between Fury, Steve, Bucky, and now Natasha. You vaguely heard your name, but seeing as you were the main topic of everything as of late, you didn't react too badly, simply pushing the recognition of you being the topic to the back of your mind.

You were borderline ready to pass out once you made it to your bedroom, Tony was heavily supporting you at this point, but you were too stubborn to verbally thank him for his aid. You flopped down on your back in the middle of your bed, and Tony leaned in the doorway, shaking his head as he stifled a small laugh.

"I gotta say, the fat you is rocking those extra large socks." Tony teased and you groaned, struggling to sit up and peel them off to avoid any further teasing from him.

You sighed, flopping back down again and stared at the ceiling, eyebrows forming a crease in your forehead, as a thought crossed your mind.

"Tony, Fury's not going to just let me and Steve raise her our way, is he?" You asked, propping yourself up on your elbows to watch him as he stood. He scratched his chin, then moved to walk and sit on the corner of the bed.

"Honestly, I highly doubt he will, but I know you're gonna push it anyways, because she's your guys daughter, not Fury's project, and I'll help you too so don't worry about that. Plus I'm definitely winning that bet."

You smiled slightly, a small melancholy sort of feeling settling over you. You couldn't even begin to imagine where you'd be right now if you weren't surrounded with the love and support everyone on the team had offered you.

Unfortunately, that thought made you shudder, realizing if you weren't here, you'd be in Hydra, most likely not pregnant, and completely brainwashed, again.

  
Tony recognized the motion, so he acted quickly.

"You know, I actually remember a time when Fury wasn't a cold professional bastard, he could actually hold his liquor too." Tony Mused, and you smiled, the bubbling anxiety settling under the surface once more as the threat of a panic attack and/or episode subsided.

"Really? Was he actually nice?" You asked, realizing you sounded a lot sleepier than before.

"Nicer than you'd think, but I mean, he's a hardened war monger now, he's made it to the top of the chain." Tony answered, and you let out a soft, breathy laugh once more.

"Thank you Tony." You murmured, scooting over so you could grip his shirt, pulling yourself up into a sitting position beside him, and resting your head on his shoulder.

Of course, it was purely a platonic motion, nobody would question that, but the comfort he was bringing you right now had you in a state of bliss, the sleepiness starting to take over.

"How long do you think before she's going to be taken out?" You asked, not really expecting an answer.

"Honestly at your rate, Bruce is predicting no more than a month and a half. She's growing faster and faster every day from what he's told me, so maybe even sooner than that." Tony answered, hoping to sound more happy about it that he felt.

He truthfully was scared for the kid to come out, because of what possibilities could lie ahead, what problems could arise, and what your enemies, and the team's enemies could do with your daughter in the future to blackmail you into submitting.

You thankfully bought it, and yawned, looking over at him.

"Thank you Tony, for everything. I'm so sorry I...I was gone for a while. You're a good friend."

"Ouch, friendzoned for the millionth time? You're seriously killing my mojo comatose." Tony chuckled, and you laughed, swatting his arm.

"Okay okay, kidding, I missed you too though, for the record." He added, causing you to smile again.

You yawned again, and Tony rubbed your shoulder.

"Go to sleep, you're gonna need it for the tests Bruce wants to run later tonight." Tony said, and you sighed, nodding before crawling up the bed and laying on your side, palm splayed on your belly as you curled up on your side of the bed.

Tony had stood, bidding you a good rest before leaving the room, bumping into Steve on the way out. Steve simply smiled, nodding as he passed, then went to join you in your bed. When he entered, you were already out cold, a small, faint snoring sound barely audible arising from you. Steve had to hold back a laugh, tip-toeing to join you. He was as careful as possible, knowing the chances of you waking up in a panic were extremely high, so he struggled not to wake you.

You however, rolled over and sat up, blinking quickly as you noticed Steve. Thankfully, due to you only having briefly fallen asleep, you hadn't been in a deep enough slumber to be triggered if woken. You opened up your arms, waiting for him to join you. He didn't even hesitate, crawling into bed and pulling you into a light embrace, cuddling you effectively.

"You're gonna be a good mom, Y/n" Steve murmured, kissing your forehead before pulling away to look down at you.

"I'd say the same but you have a penis." You mumbled playfully, causing Steve to bite his lip, shaking his head.

"Language, there's a child present." Steve said sternly, and you burst out laughing, probably a little sleep drunk, otherwise you might not be laughing this hard.

"Speaking of a child being present, I think she wants you to talk to her." You said, raising an eyebrow hopefully. Steve immediately turned beet red, his blush racing it's way down the half-way mark of his neck. You snorted, laughing loudly at his reaction, but silenced quickly when he adjusted your shirt so his palm could rest on your belly...and he began to speak, in a hushed, gentle tone.

"Hey Ara...Bella...whatever we decide to nickname you. I don't think it'll be Bella just cuz your mom well, she's not a huge fan of that twilight person from the books, Bella Robin or Crow or some bird. Stone cold zombie is what she would call it, but don't listen to her even if she lets me call you Bella, you'll be a little ray of sunshine." Steve began, and you smirked, rolling your eyes at how cheesy this was...but enjoyed the swelling of your heart at this endearing scene unfolding before your own eyes.

"And, well, I know you're gonna be special, but we're gonna treat you like every other kid, normally and like a human being because you're ours, and we're gonna do our very best to be good parents. Just watch out for uncle Tony kay? He means well but your mom's gonna kill me if I let him spoil you like he wants to." Steve paused, before whispering a final little message.

"Love you princess, I can't wait to meet you." And ended it with kissing your stomach and pulling your shirt back down.

"That was corny as fu-" You began, but Steve cut you off with a warning look. "Sorry, corny as fudge, pardon my french." You finished, then smiled, kissing his cheek and snuggling up to him. "I love you Steve, you're gonna be a great dad, don't worry." You said while yawning, closing your eyes and quickly falling asleep as you had before.

Steve sighed, brushing some hair from your face and getting comfortable, knowing in a few hours you were going to endure a shit load of bullshit from Bruce, something Steve was hoping Bruce would put off till after Arabella was born, but seeing as she was being consistently inconsistent, he had no choice but to keep monitoring every change Y/n experienced.

Thus, the inevitable tests that lay in her all too near future.

He just hope she didn't freak out during the process.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you SO SO SO much for being so patient everybody, I'm extremely sorry for my lack of content or commitment to this story, I've been pretty busy with a lot of things and didn't want to just shit out a chapter and have it mean nothing. So for that I apologize, and I thank you for being continuously supportive, and being downright AMAZING as always!
> 
> This chapter's kind of building up toward the ending, I'm think I'll only have a few more chapters after this one, maybe stop at 35? I'm not entirely sure yet.
> 
> After this chapter I may skip a few months to build right up to the baby being born, so if you like that idea let me know, or if not let me know as well! Whichever has the most votes (I guess you can call it that) will be the outcome of the story, I just don't want to have continuous chapter with no action building up to the birth.
> 
> I just wanted to thank you all for the kind messages regarding my previous incident a few months ago, I appreciate the support tenfold and I honestly am so grateful for this community offering so much help and kindness during this rough patch.
> 
> Hope everyone's having a happy holiday, and I hope the next chapter will be done within a couple of weeks! 
> 
> Love you all <3


	29. Welcome to the Family

~5 weeks until set date of c-section~

You were getting rounder and rounder with each passing day, so it was obvious you were getting frustrated with trying to adjust to your new size, as you felt like a pot belly pig. Everyone around you insisted you looked like any other pregnant woman, but you were bordering along the line of insecurity. Along with basically nobody seeming to get the fact that you felt bloated and gross and sore, they all constantly wanted to touch your belly, obsessed with feeling the baby kick.

You felt bad when you'd done it, but after having everyone touch your stomach already throughout the day, you couldn't help but snap at Steve when it was time for bed and he simply went to kiss your belly like he did quite often. He'd reeled back, looking shocked after you yelled at him to "Get his too soft super soldier hands off of you before you bit him."

You'd apologized, but he still teased you about it heartily. 

~4 weeks until set date of c-section~

This was ridiculous. The constant stress on your bladder was infuriating, and your repetitive trips to the bathroom every ten minutes was beginning to drive you to the brink of exploding and lashing out at anyone within a ten mile radius.

The only one who got in the way unfortunately, was Thor. He was completely shocked by the fact such a tiny woman in comparison to himself could pack such a punch. You felt bad, but continued to pummel on Thor, yelling about how it wasn't fair he didn't have to piss every two seconds!

Steve had been the one to drag you off before you hurt yourself or Thor, and had to hold you back as the god dared to LAUGH, at your antics and complete loss of sanity.

"Fear not, Lady Y/n! Your bladder will be back to normal once the baby has arrived!" Thor reassured, before fleeing to his own quarters to wait for your anger to dissipate.

"Steve I can't take thissss" You whined, slumping into his embrace, before whimpering "I have to piss, fuck."

~ 3 weeks until set date of c-section~

You'd been following Clint around for two days straight. He'd stayed at the tower with you while the rest of the team was out on a mission, leaving just you and Clint in the entire tower, thus you'd mentally declared Clint become the one waiting on you all the time, seeing as Steve was currently absent.

All you wanted, was some Buddy the Elf style spaghetti. Maybe it was your time spent in Canada coming back to haunt you with a craving, maybe the baby was really really wanting to be apart of the Christmas movie franchise, but for some reason you could not seem to convince Clint to cave and make you spaghetti with syrup on it. 

By the third day, you'd opted to try and make it yourself, only to have Clint take over seeing as you were bumping around the kitchen clumsily and he didn't want you to get burned.

You finally got your meal, but after the first bite, you turned and barfed it all up...right on Clint's shoes. He'd thrown his hands up, mumbling something about good deeds biting him in the ass, before storming off, then returning with a towel and wet cloth for you.

~Present, 1 week until set date of c-section.~

Fate had a funny way of working it's magic. You weren't exactly the type to buy the whole "Destiny is mysterious" bullcrap that gypsies spewed, but even you were taken aback when you were startled awake in the middle of the night by a severe pain in your stomach. You were barely able to get out of the bed, as you were tangled in the sheets. Steve was supposed to be back that night, as him, Natasha, and Tony had stayed behind to finish the job. He'd been gone for nearly two weeks now, and you were really missing him.

You'd been told that a non expedited birth would be unlikely to happen for about a month after the scheduled c-section, and that it would be dangerous, but you knew the stories...you were going into labor.

You pulled out your phone, quickly dialing the first person in your contacts, which in alphabetical order was Bruce. You let out a painful yelp when a wet feeling soaked through your pajama pants, and you were stumbling toward the door, holding the phone. When Bruce answered, you hissed in pain, after your water had clearly broken, a contraction hit.

"Bruce" You gasped, feeling relieved. "Baby's coming, you...where do I go" You managed to briefly say, the effort to talk winding you as you tried to keep your breathing steady. Bruce drew in a sharp breath, and you heard some rushed rustling on the other end of the line, assuming he was trying to get out of bed to come to your aid.

"Okay, keep breathing and try not to push. Stay where you are and don't walk, I'm gonna get the others to come help while I set up okay?" He said, trying to calm you with a soothing voice.

"Bruce I swear to god if you hangup before someone gets here I'll kill you" You exclaimed, groaning when another wave of pain took over your body. 

"Just stay calm, Bucky'll be there in less than a minute, Thor's awake and Clint's on his way down to you." He explained, but you were not listening anymore. You were squeezing the door frame so hard you knew you'd broken the nails. This could not be normal, childbirth was painful, you'd been told that, but you were certain this wasn't as terrible as it should. This was...different.

There was definitely something wrong, and there was a constant, painful stabbing within your lower stomach, igniting the fear that the baby was in danger. You vaguely heard someone calling your name, but with your eyes squeezed shut and the blood roaring through your ears, you were basically deaf to anything anyone, probably Bruce, was trying to say to keep you calm.

You were suddenly snapped out of your borderline blackout panic. You don't know when he got there, but Bucky had his arms wrapped around you tightly, rubbing your back soothingly as you squirmed and thrashed, sobbing about your baby.

"S'okay doll, we're gonna take ya up and Banner's gonna getcha fixed up okay? Just stay with us." Bucky soothed, and you went limp in his arms, trying to block out the pain of the contractions.

"It hurts...Bucky it's hurting so bad" You sobbed, snotting in a rather unattractive manner on the sleeve of his shirt. You bit down on your own hand, and when you tasted blood you couldn't even gag, all of your focus was on distracting from the pain.

Rather instantaneously, you were laid out on a medical cot, and put up quite the fight when your arms and legs were strapped down. A feeling of panic was beginning to well up inside you, and all you could think about was the pain and the memories of being restrained in the past, borderline ready to have another mental snap.

Bucky was holding your hand, despite you gripping on so tight if you could concentrate on colour, his own hand was probably many shades of purple at this point.

You knew you were close to snapping, but right when another contraction was about to hit you, and likely overwhelm you, you felt a sudden sense of calm wash over you. You looked over, seeing an IV in your arm where Bruce was injecting something, and you offered him a weak, grateful smile.

You let out a groan, shaking your head as you groggily tried to ignore the still present pain.

"Where the hell is Steve he's the only one who somewhat knows how to actually help her cope with this shit!" Bucky grumbled, and Clint cleared his throat.

"Er, I could help, I mean I've done this a few times with Laura." He offered.

"Who the fuck is Laura Clint?" You yelled, then moaned again and leaned your head back, squeezing your eyes shut.

"My wife, duh." Clint replied, and your eyes snapped open.

"WHEN THE FUCK DID YOU GET MARRIED CLINT?" You demanded, squeezing Bucky's hand again as a contraction overtook your body, causing you to scream out of pain and frustration.

"Get this thing out of me right now or so help me god I'll kill you all!" You yelled, almost bellowing out the threat. Thor was in the room as well now, and he looked, for once, extremely confused and...scared?

"Bruce, couldn't you take it out as previously planned for this coming week?" Thor asked, and Bruce quickly nodded.

"I can try but I don't know how much uh...how much she's dilated. If the baby's already moved into the birth canal then it's way too risky without putting her under, and there's no time to properly knock her out." Bruce answered, and you replied with a groan. 

There was sweat cascading down your face in a borderline waterfall, and you were continuously shaking your head.

"Why isn't Steve heeeeeeere?" You moaned, your body seizing up as a ripple of pain shooting through you as something shifted inside you. "Get it out!" You screeched again, nearly biting Bucky's hand when he padded your face with a cold cloth.

"Steve'll be back soon, but right now we gotta get the baby out Y/n, I'm gonna check how dilated you are, okay?" Bruce said, but you didn't care, just dug your head back into the pillow as you let out a wrecked sob.

The sharp intake of breath made you snap your gaze to Bruce, who was looking between your legs.

"What? What is it?!" You demanded, and Bruce looked slightly rattled.

"Jesus, that thing's head is showing. Thor I need you to get me towels and blankets, Clint go find some scissors and a clamp, get water too, and Y/n-" He added, and you gave him what could have been a death glare. "just uh...don't push yet." He said meekly, and you had to laugh breathlessly, he looked so nervous. Your laugh was interrupted by another pain, and you swore you heard a crunch when you squeezed down on Bucky's hand. 

He yelped and you released your grip, opting to cling onto the bed rail instead.

Clint and Thor returned, and you lolled your head from side to side, writhing on the medical cot. Bucky had replaced his now seemingly broken hand with his metal one, and you were clinging onto the cold metal with all the strength you had.

Bruce was set up down between your legs, and Clint was holding onto your other hand. Thor stood behind Bruce, watching with his head tilted, resembling that of a very confused, very intrigued puppy.

"Okay Y/n, you're nearly dilated fully, so I need you to push when I count to three, okay?" Bruce instructed, and you had to give him credit because he was pretty calm sounding despite having probably never actually delivered a baby, let alone a super baby, or at least a possibly super baby.

You sobbed suddenly, clenching your jaw as a knife-like pain stabbed through your stomach, and you screamed, a weird feeling of stretching occurring down below.

"One, two, three, push!" Bruce directed, and you clenched your teeth so hard your jaw ached, a strangled scream sounding from between your teeth. You sobbed and shrieked and writhed as you tried to expel what Tony had jokingly called a "womb nugget." from your body.

You stopped pushing, collapsing back and trembling as Bucky wiped your forehead again, seeing as you were drenched in sweat and tears.

"You're doing great Y/n, get ready to push again." Bruce soothed, and you shook your head, verging on the edge of falling unconscious. 

"Where the hell is Steve, she needs him here..." Bucky muttered, shaking his head in frustration.

"Calm down Buck, he couldn't have known, we didn't know she'd go into labor on her own." Clint said, shooting Bucky a warning look.

"Call him! If he can talk to her he might be able to help keep her calm" Bucky supplied, the idea tumbling from his mouth.

You surprisingly, nodded with as much enthusiasm you could physically conjure up.

"Please I need to hear him" You begged, then whimpered as a pain exploded through you again, an you felt as though you were being torn apart from the inside.

Clint whipped out his phone, immediately bending over backwards to appease you and find some sort of solution so you could have the baby without passing the fuck out.

The phone was on speaker, the ring was almost deafening to you, but you breathed a sigh of hysterical relief when Steve answered.

"Clint? Hello?" Steve asked, groggy as though he'd been woken from his phone, which was likely the case.

"Steeeeve" You called, clenching up as a wave of pain hit once more, and you cried out.

"Y/n? Whats going on?" He demanded, now wide awake on the other end of the line.

"Steve, she's having the baby, how far out from here are you guys?" Clint said, cutting to the chase.

"Oh god...okay uhh...I think we're about an hour away but I can get Nat to try and get here faster?" Steve said, now sounding rather panicked.

"Steve please just talk to me" You begged, groaning.

"Y/n, push on three again" Bruce called, and you whined, squirming as you shook your head.

"Okay! Y/n just listen to me and focus on my voice okay? Keep breathing and listen to Bruce." Steve said in the best calm voice he could manage, seeing he was borderline in a panic over the fact he wasn't there with you through this.

"One, two three, push !" Bruce instructed, his voice a little more gruff that usual. You let out a strained cry, pushing as hard as you could. The stretching increased a fraction, and you sobbed in pain.

"Steeeeve please" You begged, not even sure what you were asking for at this point.

"It's okay Y/n, you're doing great, just keep breathing" Steve cooed, and you breathed, shoulders relaxing as you briefly took in a few shaky breaths.

"She broke my hand Steve." Bucky commented, hoping to lift everyone's spirits, and you managed to laugh.

"I'm sorry" You whispered, still shaking.

"Jesus, which hand Buck? Cuz one's easier to fix than the other." Steve asked, successfully distracting you with the help of Bucky now.

"Right hand, man. She has really strong gripping skill." Bucky answered, and you laughed, only to have the laugh cut off by a full body tremor.

"Okay, you gotta push as hard as you can on three, Y/n, we're getting close" Bruce said softly, and you nodded, adjusting your grip on Bucky's metal hand, and Clint's.

"Sorry if I break your hand Clint" You apologized in advance, not even a slight hint of joking in your expression or tone. Steve laughed nervously on the other end, and Clint gulped.

"One...two...THREE PUSH" Bruce yelled, and you squeezed, pushing as hard as you physically could, maybe ever harder. You screamed so loud you wouldn't be surprised if the windows cracked and all of New York was awake.

Suddenly, there was a slipping feeling between your legs, and something fell out of your body. You gasped loudly, collapsing. Clint tore his hand away, for sure it was sprained, but Bucky held on, clearly not worried about you destroying his metal hand.

"Shit" Bruce said softly, and you sat up, seeing him holding a baby...you baby, the thing you made. 

You panicked.

"What's wrong? Bruce is she okay?" You rasped, voice hoarse from your screaming. Your somewhat blurry vision cleared and you noticed the baby wasn't moving, and the umbilical cord was around her neck. Bruce was frantically unwinding it while Thor cut the cord. You sobbed, fearing the worst, until a single, tiny cry sounded from Bruce's arms.

She began to cry.

Steve had been silent, but when he heard the baby start to cry, you swore you heard his own choked back sob of relief. Bruce cleaned off the little girl, who was squirming continuously, still crying. You were unstrapped from the cot and you sat up, reaching for her. Bruce had wrapped her in a blanket, and held her out to you. You gently took the little girl, eyes streaming with tears.

The little girl immediately calmed, obviously comforted by being in your arms, and you lightly stroked her forehead, lifting her slightly and leaning down to kiss her head.

"Steve she's beautiful" you whispered, hoping he'd heard, and you vaguely heard him laugh in reply.

"Arabella." You whispered, cradling her in your motherly embrace, a feeling of calm washing over you.

Steve whispered a reply, and you could hear Natasha talking in the background, something about being there within twenty minutes.

You were hesitant to let her go, but you did want to know how much she weighed, so you reluctantly handed her over to Bruce. Thor was watching in wonder, his eyes had never left Arabella. Loki had appeared when Arabella was placed down on a scale in the room, and he was watching the baby with an intense look.

The hairs on the back of your neck stood up, and the protective nature surging within you was surfacing again.

"Eight pounds seven ounces." Bruce said, turning to write down her weight. Loki was immediately at her side, and you struggled to sit up, worry etched on your features. You watched as Arabella reached up and took hold of Loki's finger. When she did, she screeched, pulling away her tiny little hand and squirming, obviously terrified. 

Loki, stumbled back, looking completely baffled. He looked over at Thor, and Thor nodded.

"You sense it too brother?" Thor asked, and Loki cleared his throat. Bruce had quickly brought the screaming little bundle of joy to the safety of your arms, and you rocked her back and forth, hushing and reassuring her with the calmest voice you could manage.

"Y/n...that child...She...you have no idea what she's going to be capable of if led astray." Loki warned, and Bucky stepped forward. You don't know when he'd done it, but his hand had bandages tightly wrapped around the fingers you'd broken.

"What are you talking about Loki?" Came the voice of Steve, and you had to choke back a sob of happiness as you saw him in the doorway with Tony and Natasha.

Arabella let out a gurgle, as she was more settled down now, and she clung to the fabric of the blanket with her tiny fist. 

Steve was at your side immediately, looking down in awe at your...his daughter. You swore you saw tears in his eyes, and you smiled, only to frown when Loki spoke again.

"The child, she has a gift...but it's a curse." Loki began, and Steve raised his hand.

"Loki, this can wait." He said firmly, and Loki gave him a dire look before vanishing.

Steve returned to looking down at Arabella, before looking at you.

 

"Can I...can I hold her?" He asked, not sure if you were even ready to let go of her yet. You smiled nodding, gently lifting her and settling her into Steve's arms.

Arabella made a content gurgling noise again, and Steve let out a breathy laugh as he gazed down at his own flesh and blood.

"She likes you" You murmured, reaching up to touch Steve's face. You were exhausted as hell, and couldn't imagine ever having to go through something this tiring or draining again. Training for a month straight would have been easier than this had been.

"I'm guessing all the tummy talk helped her start to like me, right?" Steve asked, and you laughed, nodding. 

"Yes Steve, I'm sure it's that and not because she can tell you're her dad." You teased and Steve chuckled. He gently set Arabella in your arms again, looking a little hesitant to let her go, but she was getting restless in his arms, so to avoid another screaming fit, he decided to give her back to you before that could happen.

She had opened her eyes, and was looking around. You looked down in pure bliss.

"Steve she has your eyes..." You murmured, and Steve grinned, nodding. 

"She's got your lungs though that's for sure." He whispered back, and you laughed, running your finger gently along Arabella's cheek.

"Hi little one." You whispered, and Arabella opened her mouth, then closed it again, blinking a few times and squirming some more.

"Y/n you're probably exhausted" Bruce called, clearing his throat. You smiled, nodding, you really were tired.

Arabella was already dozing off in your arms, probably as tired as you were. You leaned back a little, carefully adjusting yourself so you could sleep in a decent position without disturbing her, because you definitely wanted her in your arms right now.

Steve was pulling up a chair, and you knew he was probably tired as hell. 

"Steve, you don't have to stay awake" You murmured, already beginning to doze off. Steve laughed, shaking his head.

"There's no way I could sleep after seeing her for the first time." He replied simply, and you drowsily responded, basically sleep drunk at this point.

"Then how am I doin' it." 

Steve smiled, watching you fall asleep, then frowned, realizing what day it was.

Not only was today the day he became a father...but it was also the date you'd been originally told your father had died...

Today was November 28th.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for a bit of a cliff hanger, just know that I DO have a plan, and there's a bunch of hints in this chapter.
> 
> Thank you as always for your support and patience, and I just wanted to take the time to give a special shoutout to theawesometoris32, because she helped me with a bout of writers block. Thanks lovelie, and everyone who hasn't already, make sure to check out her works, they're awesome!
> 
> Also, thank you for helping get this to 20k I almost cried because I got so excited.
> 
> Seriously. Thank youguys <3


	30. Empathy and Explanations

I was immediately at her side, ignoring the fact that Y/n was struggling to sit up, ignoring the look of panic and worry on her face.

I concentrated as Arabella reached up and took hold of my finger. When she did, she screeched, pulling away her tiny little hand and squirming, obviously terrified.

I stumbled back, baffled, shocked, and I hate to admit, terrified.

"You sense it too brother?" Thor asked, and I cleared my throat, afraid to even muster up a few measly words of agreement, I couldn't give an answer. Bruce had quickly brought the screaming little bundle of joy to the safety of Y/n's arms, and I watched the protective mother rock her back and forth, hushing and reassuring her with the calmest voice she could manage.

"Y/n...that child...She...you have no idea what she's going to be capable of if led astray." I said gravely, the warning serious.

The metal-armed one, James, stepped forward, his hand had bandages tightly wrapped around the fingers she'd broken during labor.

"What are you talking about Loki?" Came the voice of Steve, and I had to hold back a scowl. Two over-protective parents in the room at the same time would make it overly difficult to explain.

I didn't want to interrupt Steve's bonding moment, I truly didn't...but with the vision I'd had...

"The child, she has a gift...but it's a curse." I began, nearly blurting it out, but the look of annoyance Steve shot in my direction caused me to falter.

"Loki, this can wait," He said firmly. I simply shook my head, knowing he was right...but the thought of what this child could do had torn apart my ability to reason with logic, much to my embarrassment.

I vanished, appearing on the roof of Stark Tower. I knew Thor would seek out an explanation as to what exactly it was I'd seen when I'd made physical contact with the newborn child, but at this point, I was still unsure as to the meaning of what I saw.

When that small newborn, something that shouldn't hold any power whatsoever, took hold of my hand, she'd dragged up memories I'd long since buried in the secluded corners of my conscience. What worried me most, was she had seen them too, I saw inside her mind, and that child had memories of her mother, memories of her father, most likely from any contact before the birth.

I shuddered, allowing myself to show a minuscule shred of weakness as I replayed the images the child had brought up from the past.

**_~Flashback~_ **

_I stood over the young boy, eyes glazed over in anger as he cowered at my feet. He'd made the mistake of trying to poison me from my cell, as he was a servant of the royal prison. After I'd been...incarcerated as Tony liked to call it, much of the underlings, "citizens", were unimpressed with the fact I was still alive, being held captive instead of executed._

_Naturally, riled up locals had developed a sort of hush hush bounty on my head, promising fortune and recognition if someone were to complete the task of assassinating me - a profoundly imbecilic move. One does not simply sneak up on a god, more importantly, one does not sneak up on the god of MISCHIEF._

_So there I was relaxing in my cell, as much as one could relax in a prison when someone cleared their throat. There was a young boy, no more than ten years old, holding a tray with some bread, meats, cheese and a mug of what I'd assumed to be water. I rolled my eyes, not very keen on eating at that moment, but the look on the boy's face hinted that he'd be scolded if he didn't, at least, try to leave the tray here._

_I simply gestured for him to enter, a little frustrated at the fact that the magic keeping me in was passable by such a small being, seeing as he had the permissions necessary. The boy was trembling, and I narrowed my eyes, wondering just why he was so nervous. He knew I wouldn't be able to hurt him, or even would want to, as I was in there for enough wrongdoing's I'd committed._

_I watched him bring the tray to me, and immediately noticed the way he wouldn't meet my eyes. Now, I knew people often told their children stories of the things I'd done, to try and warn them of strangers and be cautious, especially about me, but this boy had often brought me my meals and had never portrayed and an inkling of being slightly worried about his own well-being._

_I watched him carefully, glancing down at the food on the tray. Everything looked normal...except the bread. There was an obvious white powder coated on the crust, and one could mistake it as flour - but not I. I'd seen that powder before when someone had tried to...posion mother._

_Now it made sense._

_Why he was so nervous, why he wouldn't look me in the eye...the little imbecile had been hired to assassinate me._

_I couldn't control the anger that overwhelmed me, I rushed forward faster than the boy would have been able to scream for help, my hand wrapping around his throat and pinning him against the wall. My eyes began to glaze over in absolute rage, the boy squirming like the pathetic weasel he was._

_I didn't even bother to accept the guilt or pleading in his gaze, his eyes bugging out of his skull like one of those Midguardian squeeze toys...a stress ball of some sort. The deepest darkest parts of me began to come to the surface again, parts that had been held back for a long time. I knew from the reflection in his buggy eyes that my eyes were glowing a frosty, bright blue._

_Natural really, after all, I'm a monster, a coldhearted, monster in disguise._

_I threw the little fink down onto the floor of my cell, his head cracking against the floor with such a loud sound, I wasn't surprised when blood began pooling from underneath his skull._

_It wasn't enough._

_I snarled, crouching over him and wrapping both hands around his measly little throat, closing them into fists and squeezing with every thread of muscle I had, every bit of power I could conjure up. I let it all out, knowing he was dead after a minute, but I kept squeezing._

_Only when I was dragged off of him did I snap out of my rage induced stupor. I was so angry, angry at them for convincing a child to poison me, angry at the fact he'd listened to them...but most of all angry at myself for losing control._

_I looked behind me, realizing the one who'd pulled me off of the purple, oxygen deprived boy was none other than Thor, my own brother._

**_~End of Flashback~_ **

I was snapped out of my flashback, turning around to see Thor standing there, his hand resting on my shoulder. I looked down at his hand, then back at him, quickly shrugging him off.

"The child, I sensed something, but did not see, I don't have the power to know. Loki, brother, what did she trigger? I haven't seen that look of fear on your face since-" Thor began, but I snorted.

"Please brother, that wasn't fear, merely surprise." I retorted, hoping to mask my lie with my trademarked silver tongue, after all, I had a reputation to uphold.

"Loki, you and I both know that child scared the everloving hell out of you. What memories surfaced when you touched her?" Thor pressed, and I sighed, shaking my head as my shoulders slumped.

There was no use in trying to just avoid the topic, not when my brother had seen something on my face that he'd only recognized a handful of times before.

"She brought up that day when I murdered the boy who tried poisoning me. It was obvious she saw it as well because of how she reacted, but I was able to peek into her memories as well brother and...she knows so many things from before she was even born, many of which were probably passed down from Y/n's memories as well..." I paused, frowning as I debated whether or not to go further into what I caught a glimpse of.

  
"There's more Loki if there's one thing you know is we've both come to accept that human traits such as keeping things to ourselves aren't going to do any good." Thor coaxed, and I rolled my eyes.

"Speak for yourself brother, I'm not human. I am a god" I replied. Clearly, however, I wasn't as convincing as I normally was, because Thor simply pinned me with a knowing smirk, as if he were stifling a chuckle.

"Oh Loki, I only hope one day you can begin admitting the truth to yourself." Thor mused, turning to leave. I frowned, looking at him in confusion.

  
"What are you talking about? Are you implying I lie to myself?" I demanded, sounding less angry than I'd hoped. Gods, I really was shaken up, from a mere child too!

"I'm implying you don't allow yourself to really see the truth behind your mask, brother," He replied a bit more wit to him than I would ever give him credit for.

"Thor...the child, she...She remembers things that were done to Y/n while she was trapped in Hydra while she wasn't able to control herself..." I blurted out, unable to keep it in any longer.

"Are you sure? Was it not just your own images coming to surface Loki?" Thor asked, eyebrows knit together in worry, obviously wary of this sort of idea that an innocent child could remember such a horrible experience.

"Of course, I'm sure, I know I'm not as devious as I used to be, but I know my own memories from another. I most certainly did NOT experience what I saw." I spat, that old fire crackling to life inside of me again as my defense rose, the urge to prove I was myself taking over once more.

"There he is. Loki, little Arabella is she going to be easily turned?" Thor asked, cutting right to the chase as usual.

"I cannot tell...it's too soon, but if she is not led astray and trusts her parents, Steve, more than Y/n in my opinion, circumstances should be alright and she is unlikely to turn..." I stated, not even ashamed at how decisive I sounded about something I truly had no understanding of.

"When Y/n wakes up and is able to leave Arabella for more than a moment, you need to tell her and Steve what happened. They need to know the dangers that could arise if the baby is not watched carefully."

I snorted, shaking my head. I knew for a fact that anything could happen. That baby had so much potential, and I was honestly a little intrigued as to what the future held for such a strange, obviously mutated specimen. Of course, I'd never admit that aloud, especially not to the blond oaf known as my brother.

**_~Timeskip to when You and Steve leave Arabella in a crib to get some fresh air.~_ **

Y/n and Captain patriotic were standing on the balcony adjacent to their shared room. I was watching from the roof, not intending to seem creepy, but merely waiting for the right time to make my entrance and eXplain my case...and the dangers their child could possess.

Once the new parents finished hugging, each leaning on the railing, I sighed, teleporting to an empty space by the doorway, implying that I was blocking the entrance. Body language was apparently important in these scenarios.

"Loki, what do you need?" Steve asked, standing in front of Y/n. It was a protective stance, admirable but unnecessary, I posed no immediate threat to either of them nor the child seeing as I was nowhere near Arabella.

"I have to warn you, about what I saw, what your little bundle of joy saw when I made contact," I said, cutting right to the chase. There was no use in sugarcoating or building up to some grand reveal when this was just a simple explanation as to why I was so...unbelieveably and embarrassingly rattled after simply allowing the child to latch onto my index finger. 

"Well, spit it out sunshine. What did you see?" Y/n asked, obviously eager to listen and then push me away so she could resume her fawning and gushing over her infant. Talking behind one's back, tsk tsk Y/n had been the one who had informed me of common courtesy!

"I don't quite like that tone, but I'll let it slide I suppose." I paused, then took a deep breath.

"She holds power, you already know that much, but the powers she holds are...extraordinary. From what I gather, she can project and absorb memories through physical contact, and possibly could read minds in the future. But..." I stopped, not sure if I should continue.

"But what? What's so bad about her being able to feel memories? Isn't that just a hyped up version of imaginative empathy?" Y/n defended, protective mom mode activated.

"Y/n let him finish, this is actually important..." Steve murmured, trying to calm his increasingly amped up partner down a smidge. 

"Wise decision, having a child seems to have smartened you up a little bit there." I commented but didn't give Steve the liberty of replying. "Anyways, Y/n if she's exposed...to anything worse than what she dragged up from me, I'm afraid there could be consequences. For one, we don't know if she has any memories of her own. I have a bad feeling that she cannot feel her own emotions, simply feed off of those around her. You're not wrong about the empathy, but you're wrong about it being harmless..." I added in warning, noticing how Y/n had gone ghostly white at the mention of her child not being able to know her own emotions.

"Loki I think it's time you leave" Steve interrupted, obviously noting the panic rising on Y/n's face. I nodded, knowing she was still in a delicate recovery from the whole Hydra experience.

"Of course." I said, then vanished, leaving them to talk amongst themselves about what precautions needed to be in place to prevent anything...drastic happening in result of poor parenting.

At least, I hoped they'd talk about it...for the child's sake, and everyone else's safety. When did I become so damn concerned with the wellbeing of this world anyway? 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much, everyone, for your patience, and I apologize for a filler chapter as the update, but I feel it was a bit necessary to explain what Loki saw, and I hope I didn't butcher everything from his point of view too badly? I honestly have never written from his POV before, so go easy on me, please.
> 
> Let me know what you thought about this chapter! Any feedback is always welcome, and constructive criticism is more than appreciated! Love you all and thank you so much for your continuous support and kudos, it brightens my day to read the comments I receive on this story! You're all amazing, and I am truly grateful. 
> 
> P.S thanks for the 20k hits and nearly 800 kudos, I honestly didn't expect this much support when I started off. Thank you thank you thank you. <3


	31. Shock and Awe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Potential Trigger Warning for this chapter ~ involves kidnapping of an infant.

Shock.

That was the only emotion you were able to feel, after Loki had dropped that truth-bomb on you without any thought as to how you would feel about his words. You were a new mother, and as one, severely protective of your newborn daughter...however, the truth in his words were something you were all too aware of.

Your little girl, the creature you had come to love more than Steve in less than a moment of looking into her eyes, may not be able to feel her own emotions...ever? You were terrified that your daughter would never be able to feel love, pain, joy or happiness of her own, and immediately you wanted to fix her.

She wasn't a broken baby, of course; she was perfection to you, and surely to Steve as well. 

But...

That doubt, that dwindling little voice in the back of your mind, whispering that it was somehow your fault she'd turned out this way, well, you couldn't help but break down the moment you and Steve were alone.

Once Loki had left the room, you took one, quick peek down at your beautiful baby girl, and a sob escaped your lips. Steve quickly pulled you into his embrace, your cries muffled in the fabric of his shirt as you clung onto his broad shoulders. You were barely aware of his fingers gently running through your hair as he caressed your head, only trapped within your own mind as you tried to stay quiet.

Arabella had been sleeping, and you didn't want to wake her, so you saw no better choice than to quickly pull away from Steve, grab tightly onto his hand, and pull him out of the baby's room. You quietly closed the door behind you, then threw your arms around Steve once more, resuming your sobbing into his chest. 

The past few months had been an emotional roller-coaster on it's own, with the expedited pregnancy, the overwhelming hormone changes, and the traumatic events that had occurred during the pregnancy itself that could have jeopardized the baby's well being. 

Along with the fact that the labour coming naturally - sooner than the dated c-section, and during said labour she'd almost had a mental break...now this?

Her child, her and Steve's child, was perfect visually; she looked just like Steve, those big, beautiful eyes, and the little tuft of hair that she was sure would be blonder than light. Her creamy, soft, pink skin that you had to resist the urge to reach out and caress everytime you looked at her. This picture perfect baby, was scarred underneath. 

From her DNA? From what your father had done to you while pregnant and imprisoned? It was probably thanks to both...and you were frantic.

"S-S-Steve, she's....she's a freak"

You sobbed, borderline ready to scream at this point, almost losing control.

The ever-present hand rubbing soothing circles on your back, was slowly bringing you back to your normal...or at least partially normal self, and you managed a shaky breath as you struggled to stay standing. In all honesty, you shouldn't have been up this long after giving birth, but you'd been so damn excited to see your baby...now that bliss was obliterated. 

Steve looked like you'd struck him, the force of your words causing a pained look to flicker across his face.

"She's not a freak Y/N, and you know it. You're just...scared, okay, I am too. Trust me...but we're going to figure this out. We've got the best damn scientists in the world here, and they'll be able to figure things out, okay?"

His always reassuring voice was shaky, and while he faltered a little after saying "Damn", something that usually would be precious to you, you were oblivious to it all. You found yourself pulling away from him, and sitting yourself down on the couch. You ran your fingers through your hair, tugging at the roots roughly as you fought to stay in control of yourself. You probably pulled a little bit of your own hair out as you tugged a little too hard, but you were losing your damn mind over this.

Internally screaming, in all honesty, was the worst. The frustration of knowing, while you felt you were screaming, none of the satisfaction of it actually being released could be felt.

Steve was seated next to you before you even noticed, rubbing your back once more as you began to lean heavily on him. He had taken your hands gently from atop of your head, holding onto them firmly, but not so firm as to hurt you. It was clear to him...and well, you too, that you were physically, mentally, and emotionally drained. However, you couldn't bring yourself to close your eyes. You were too tired to be tired...however little sense that actually made. 

Steve sighed, knowing how stubborn you really were, and stood up, easily lifting you into his arms and bringing you to the bedroom. He laid you down gently, tucking you into bed like the small child at heart he knew you were. You groaned in protest, but hugged your stomach.

What a strange feeling it was, to go from carrying a human life, to feeling so...empty. Perhaps this was a symptom of postpartum depression, or perhaps it was just your delusional, exhausted brain stating the obvious. 

You curled up in bed, halfheartedly mumbling something along the lines of

"Love you, check on the baby"

Before you actually relaxed enough to allow yourself to pass out. 

After Steve had checked on Arabella, keeping her door open just in case of an emergency, he crawled into bed with you, holding you close, but loosely so as not to wake you from your long earned sleep. He was worried about you; having been through as much as you'd been through lately, but he had faith that you'd make it through the challenges you had been facing together, and alone.

Steve eventually began to drift off as well, comforted by being able to hold you close. He'd just returned from a mission, after all, and he'd been unable to hold you close to him period, awake or asleep, for almost 2 weeks. He most definitely had gone through intimacy withdrawal. He had been astonished to find out that you were going into labour, no c-section needed, and he'd been there just in time to watch you bring to life the start of his family; something he'd never be able to forget. The glow of you being a new mother seemed to surround you once you were standing and cradling Arabella, and he'd been unable to look away from you at the time; knowing he'd forever treasure the image.

Steve was in bliss. Despite the fact that there may prove to be obstacles in the way, he took in the smell of your hair; while a little greasy, 100% you. He took this moment in, seeing it as a sign that times were changing for both you and him; most definitely for the better.

Finally, he fell asleep alongside you, breathing steadily and deeply with your back to his chest, his fingers intertwined with yours as the two of you caught some much earned shuteye. 

~A few hours later, Just before sunrise~

You woke with a start, and you swore you're just heard glass break. The alarms started blaring, and you, along with a now wide awake Steve, ran for the baby's room, which wasn't far - as it was straight across from your own room. 

You stumbled into the room before Steve, and screamed at the ungodly sight before you.

Standing in the window, was the man you swore had died months prior. The man who had raised you to be a monster, and brainwashed you on multiple occasions. He was dead to you in more ways than one...and here he stood once again...

Your father. 

He was standing there, holding your sweet, innocent bundle of precious joy, right by the shattered window. His gaze; those (y/e/c) eyes you'd inherited from him, gazing over at you with pure malice, and no warmth whatsoever. You were shaking, frozen in fear. You knew if you even took one step, he could simply toss Arabella out the damn window.

"Let her go!"

Steve growled angrily, standing in front of you now, tense and ready to leap into action. The continuous blare of the alarms, the convulsing sobs coming from your baby, and the chuckle that emitted from your father; well, you broke down.

"Please"

You begged, falling to your knees as your father simply stepped backwards, grinning ear to ear as that malicious and bone-chilling laughter echoed throughout the room.

"Pathetic. Y/N, I couldn't have you, so I'll have to settle for your offspring...don't think it'll be that bad though. After all, with her...well, what I'm assuming are gifts, she'll prove to be much easier to control than you ever were. No more betrayals in the family, I'll assure you of that."

He snarled with another smirk, before turning and jumping from the window. You screamed loudly, scrambling from your knees over to the window again; only to see a helicopter with your father dangling from a rope, flying away at...well, regular helicopter speed.

"Arabella!"

You screeched out the window, the babies screams fading once the helicopter was far enough away. 

Steve had to hold onto your arms to prevent you from hurling yourself out that window in attempt to chase your baby. He physically dragged you away from that window, and you turned around and continued your cries. The bloodcurdling screams that emitted from your throat loud enough to potentially make a deaf person hear. Hypothetically of course, as when Clint arrived he had to shut off his hearing aids; your screeches nearly causing them to short circuit. 

Tony, had been woken from his sleep. He'd been celebrating with a few, or more accurately, a lot of drinks with Clint and Natasha, but when the alarms went off, his drunken sleep was interrupted. He'd frantically gotten his suit, and once he'd seen the helicopter, launched after it, radioing to the team to use the tracker after him as he followed the chopper.

However, it was no use; no matter the reassuring words from Steve, nor the hope Tony's stalking brought, you were unable to stop screaming, eventually beginning to beat Steve's chest. He let you, of course, bless his heart, beat on his chest like a drum. You couldn't stop, something had snapped inside of you, and you'd gone into a panic freak out...again. Except this time, it wasn't due to coming down from a brainwashing induced high, it was because your daughter had just been kidnapped...stolen in the middle of the night by the man who should have died over, and over, and fucking OVER again.

You were furious, and terrified. You had no idea how you were going to cope with this, and even more lost over the idea of not being able to get your daughter back. Eventually, your arms grew heavy from hitting Steve's chest, and you gave up, sobbing, snotting, and gasping for air all at once into his chest.

His arms wrapped around you quickly, hugging you close to him as he let his own tears silently fall. He was glaring out the window as the sun began to peacefully rise, the skyline much too perfect in light of the tragedy that had just taken place. His anger was bubbling to the surface, and once you were calmed down enough, he passed you off to Maria, leaving you to suit up and go with the team.

He was done letting this man torment you; and now his daughter. He was going to protect his family at all costs, even if he died in the process.

Steve had only one mission in mind at this point.

He was tired of this man ruining your life, ruining his life with you. He was sick of him continuously taking what he loved from him. He was done letting him pop up every time things seemed to be getting better.

He was going to kill your father.

Once and for all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, first off, I love you and I missed you guys.
> 
> So here comes the long speel.
> 
> This chapter update, was probably not what you expected (That's if you expected a chapter update at all, seeing as this story has just been sitting here for a year and two months.)
> 
> I haven't written anything in months, and I honestly just realized how much I've missed it - I've been taking a lot of time thinking about getting back into it, but I just didn't know how. I can completely understand that any previous expectations of me may be short lived, because while I'm not extremely proud of the length of this chapter, I'm proud of actually buckling down and getting an update for you guys.
> 
> Quite a lot has happened in the past year; I graduated, I've got a full time job, dated, been enjoying the life of a legal adult (Haha 19 in canada is dope guys come join)
> 
> I just really want to apologize for not giving you guys ANY sort of explanation for my absence. I'm fully intending to get more updated out there, and at the very very LEAST finish up this story that's been going on since 2015. 
> 
> This is LONG overdue (Just like that Earthquake that'll shake the globe)
> 
> And life is too short to just sit back and procrastinate things you're passionate about.
> 
> I got a little lost on the way here, but I'm back guys, and I'm ready to update all of my stories and get my shit in gear.
> 
> Thank you to everyone who's stayed, and thank you to those who have given this story a chance after possibly stumbling upon it. I'm so grateful to you guys ♥
> 
> I love you all so much, and I'm very happy to have finally gotten back into writing. I really missed it. ♥
> 
> Please let me know your thoughts on this chapter and where I can improve - I kind of have the storyline set out, but if you pick up any errors, mistakes, or have any advice on my writing style and where I could be stronger, PLEASE let me know.
> 
> You're all awesome, please pat yourself on the back for me, and I wish I could hug you all right now.
> 
> I can't say thank you enough, and I can't say sorry enough either - but I'm gonna try ♥
> 
> P.S Sorry for the cliffhanger I never grew out of those apparently... xD ♥


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